My wife has doubled in size since we married and now I have a wife over 100kgs and I cannot even touch her anymore. I find her really repulsive as I only like really skinny women.
Help me deal with this. We are not intimate anymore and I am repulsed if she tries to touch me
HELP
Do you still speak to each other ? ..if so, have you discussed the problem. Communication is a key in any relationship and situation.
Dear Mennis,
First of all, I do have some questions. You don't have to reply on this board, but think about the answers on your own and then act accordingly.
Number one: does your wife have some medical condition that has caused her to go from a "really skinny woman" to over 100kgs [220 lbs]? Has she had her thyroid checked? Is she diabetic? Menopausal? Any other medical condition?
Number two: Is she suffering from depression, either acute or chronic? The neurotransmitters involved in mood regulation can play havoc with body weight.
Number three: Have you discussed your feelings with your wife? What is her own explanation as to the weight gain?
Number four: Have you gained weight yourself? Is this a mutual lifestyle issue? Are you drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana more than once a week? Frequent trips to the fast food joint? Are you [and particularly your wife] doing some exercise daily?
These are just some basic themes for you to churn around in your head. Obviously, if it's medical, she'll need a checkup. If it's psychological, she'll need to see a psychiatrist pronto. But...as an astute co-poster points out in this thread..you need to communicate about this problem. It's not fair to either one of you to have this chasm of untouchability in the relationship. And I'm sure she knows and feels the problem too.
What not to do:
a) complain and pout
b) get aggressive or even passive-aggressive
c) nothing, i.e. suffer in silence
I'm trying to refrain from inferring too much here, because in a dyad, there are two perceptions of the issue. Without your wife's input, there isn't much to process. I would definitely recommend seeing a couple's therapist, if even for one session. S/he can help you communicate in a constructive way so that things can move forward. Right now, you seem to be very stuck and that's causing a lot of frustration and no movement forward. Having a neutral party in the room can help when you try to hammer out new ways of relating and listening.
Any other comment is welcomed,
the Love Goddess
ditto, and if u want her to lose the weight, start w/walking together, etc. make weight loss a common goal, together. I belong to a running club and i can tell ya after many a mile on the pavement listening to women, they don't wanna be overweight and not all, but most need some help assistance, just like men, to lose the weight. Just be proactive in a positive manner and see what happens.
That is a mojor change in appearance which I am sure did not happen over night. If her appearance is so important for your sexual life with her, how come you did not tell her you wanted her to control her weight and remain "skinny" before it was too late?
Whatever you do be supportive, don't be critical. It will only make it worse. She may feel the repulsion coming from you, which probably doesn't help. I can understand why you might feel that way, but try not to show it.
Lots of men are turned on by BBW. How would you feel if she took one as a lover?