It is seldom we read such words of sincerity here on TER from the hobbyist. And even rarer yet not to have the opposing camp riding in and laying waste to the sentiment. I can’t add to nor express it any better than the original post or those who have already commented; but I too can relate and solider in the cause. With what we expend monetarily in this hobby how can we not want our experiences to be as full as possible. Thanks for putting it all down so at lest I may join in the chorus and say Bravo!!!
I kind of suck at this hobby thing. Oh, I have my strong points. I will always be nice, kind, respectful and a true gent at all times. Those character traits represent things that every guy can bring to the table if they so choose. I have nothing but utmost admiration for the ladies that grace me with their presence so being a gentleman comes easily and neither acting nor effort is required for me to be so. No, where I am quite weak is when it comes to the boundary. Yes, I often find myself walking away with genuine feelings of fondness, caring and desire for the well-being of a remarkable woman who just spent some time with me. I am not talking about a romantic, relationship type of love but rather just a sweet love for a person whose life happened to intersect with mine at this particular time.
I am well aware of the pitfalls of such emotions. I completely get the fantasy aspect of the hobby. I think I do understand how providers must manage to compartmentalize and separate emotion with the provider/client relationship. I know these things but I also know that my feelings are very real for me. I have managed to install a safety net of sorts to keep these feelings in check. For one I do not seek nor do I expect reciprocation. These emotions are mine alone and I’m not looking to get them back in return. Secondly, I, for the most part, keep them to myself. While I will always express my sincere gratitude at the end of a date and follow-up with an email of the same nature the next day, I do not bear my soul to the lady so to speak. I walk silently away.
And so I walk this road less traveled and I wonder how my fellow gents do this? Do you deliberately attempt to suppress such emotions? If you do, I wonder why? Why suppress a very human and a very nice emotion (Note: Please recall my own ‘safety net’ 1 and 2 above)? On occasion it can open your eyes to an amazing woman.
I recently met the most amazing woman. And I’ve fallen. I’ve fallen so far over the boundary that I’m not even in the picture anymore. My sweet love this time is not about my feelings. This time it is a prayer that this woman will be forever watched over by a Guardian Angel of sorts to guide her as she pursues her dreams. She is absolutely brilliant and extraordinarily special. A budding scholar, soon this gifted woman will teach and she will write. And talented people will learn from her and they will be inspired and they will think. And when talented people think then great things can be accomplished. And all because their lives intersected with this phenomenal young lady.
If I had learned to be a hobbyist that managed to keep my emotions in check and remained on the proper side of the boundary, I might have risked not opening my eyes and recognizing this. And that would have been a shame. This one is precious. Her name is Siobhan.
First, I must say that I totally get where you're coming from. I have played in the hobby for almost 2 decades. I have genuinely loved 2 ATFs and genuinely cared for several others over that time. I will tell you that it is quite a normal emotion to feel when you're involved in the intimacy that comes with the hobby. We're only human and it happens very naturally.
But, its important to understand that these wonderful creatures have the same intimacy with lots of other lucky men and very likely create the same feelings in many of them. They do it very much as a way to survive in the business which means that the better they are at creating these intense feelings in men, the better they do financially. That is a fact. Ask any provider.
Your emotions are natural and understandable but keep in mind that if you allow them to be very real for yourself you will ultimately suffer heartache.
My advice is to think of these beautiful and sexy women as friends at the most. Better yet, think of them as the sweet and smart business-women that they are. Keep it fun, keep it light and keep it real for yourself. Your own emotional well-being is at stake.
I've been there and I know the heartache that can result from not protecting yourself by being very clear and realistic about what this hobby is really about.
By the way, if the provider senses that your emotions are misplaced you may find yourself cut off from the very pleasure that she provided to you. I've had it happen. Most providers won't continue to see you if things get too emotional. They don't want it to become a love affair. Its business and the line can be thin but don't cross it.
Good luck.
A concerned hobbyist brother.......
This is one of the most wonderful - and often most unexpected - bonuses to this particular hobby: meeting someone and feeling that connection. It's not just a time of bodies connecting and writhing; it's a time of two people connecting.
Some of us (okay, probably the majority of us) go into this hobby for just the physical experience, something to sate what we consider our baser needs. And I'm certain there are some providers who will only go that far. Consciously or subconsciously, they've set up those boundaries, lines that we need to respect.
But when there is one who makes you feel as if the boundary has been blurred, who takes your breath away - from your body and heart and soul - relish it. Savor it. Drink it in, hold it, and grow. I met one woman about 2-1/2 years ago, just once, and I still think about her with great fondness and desire. (Not just a sexual desire - I can't and won't deny that - but just that opportunity to talk with her, to spend time with her, to be with her.) She was the first provider I *really* felt comfortable with and wanted to see again - and again - and again. But due to time and distance and finances (not to mention email complications (g)), that was the one and only time I did get to meet her. But for that one time, I am happy and grateful.
In this hobby, if you have a hundred dollars, you can have sex. Hormones will be sated for the evening and the next day is just another day. Big deal. But if you can walk away with something more - as I have and as you have - don't question it. Enjoy it.
For that time we are with these women who transcend the hobby, who redefine and reshape its image and purpose, we aren't alone on that road less traveled.
Always nice to know that others traverse this less than perfect road. I will enjoy and hope you do the same...
Like relationships in any other area of life, I connect with some providers and not so well with others. The ones I connect with, I like to see repeatedly. I don't think this is abnormal.
I went so far over the line with one, we only see each other socially now off the clock, an occasional lunch or dinner. She seems to feel uncomfortable mixing business with friendship, and I certainly understand. I do miss the sex, but I have no expectations, and I am enjoying the ride. Hanging out with her from time to time is great. Meanwhile, I've met other providers & have had great moments with them.
When I connect with a lady, it feels like love, but not "let's get married & start a family" love, but rather, "you're a good person whose company I enjoy and for whom I wish all the best" love.
BTW, I'm married and have a pretty good relationship with my wife, following a rough patch that nearly split us up (alcohol, depression--hers). Hobbying fills a void for me and enables me to be a better spouse. I know she'd never see it that way, but it's true. If she catches me, I'll just have to face the consequences.
Thin, you've succinctly hit the nail pretty much on the head (so to speak) for this married guy. Your last paragraph is now my hobby mission statement. Thanks.
Add me to the list of those whose emotions get caught up in this intersection of fantasy and base reality. For me, the financial parameters set a kind of "safety net" that limits my indulgences (both emotional and physical) but after a couple of years, I have meet several women whom I will always hold close to my heart.
It is seldom we read such words of sincerity here on TER from the hobbyist. And even rarer yet not to have the opposing camp riding in and laying waste to the sentiment. I can’t add to nor express it any better than the original post or those who have already commented; but I too can relate and solider in the cause. With what we expend monetarily in this hobby how can we not want our experiences to be as full as possible. Thanks for putting it all down so at lest I may join in the chorus and say Bravo!!!
Like with any other woman, if I like her I keep seeing her. If she seems to like me too, I may be tempted to find out how much. Hell, I'm always tempted to find out how much. Some of the nicest people I've ever met were providers, and I'm glad I got to know them.
What do I do if I fall for one? I hold on tight, because it's going to be one hell of a ride! Yeee-hah!