Minnesota
Re: This is a pretty entertaining read...
I'm thinking you'd be pretty entertaining... 
My favorite part was the "shaving off their hair to try to make them look pretty is sort of like putting lipstick on a pig" comment. Hahaha. Although I personally won't lick or suck on balls that are not at least trimmed.
This isn't one of the search selections. Are there any providers that enjoy teabagging? There was a provider who introduced me to it a couple of years ago, but she's either gone or very UTR. PMs are OK. Thanks