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I was making love to this girl and she started crying...confused_smile
garvin_fred101 6 Reviews 587 reads
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From my old acquaintance, the late Rodney Dangerfield...

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.  

I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!  

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!  

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.  

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!  

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!  

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.  

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.  

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you came home early."  

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!  

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.  

A hooker once told me she had a headache.  

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.  

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.  

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.  

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.  

My wife said she wanted to try sex in the back seat, only she wanted me to drive.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone

Mine are:  
Sex with you is so good that we should celebrate it by having sex.  
If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they cant have a headache and sex at the same time?  
An orgasm a day keeps the stress away...  
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.  
Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun, or getting paid, everyone likes getting laid!  
Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow.  
My sex life is like a Ferrari...I don't have a Ferrari.
We don't have to have sex, let's just get naked and see what happens.  
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

is free sex. -attributed to Woody Allen

Or you will be happy with half your stuff.

From my old acquaintance, the late Rodney Dangerfield...

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.  

I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!  

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!  

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.  

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!  

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!  

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.  

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.  

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you came home early."  

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!  

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.  

A hooker once told me she had a headache.  

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.  

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.  

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.  

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.  

My wife said she wanted to try sex in the back seat, only she wanted me to drive.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone

I was in bed with a woman and I asked, "Have there been many men before me?"

She said, "Not enough to make up for this!"

I dont get that much sex anymore, my wife cut me down to three times a week. Still I'm lucky..two other guys, she cut them out all together

I was having sex the other night and the girl said she was afraid of the dark, I turned on the lamp now she's afraid of the light !!!!

"My sex life is so dull---to me a threesome is when I jerk off with both hands."

 LONG LIVE RODNEY DANGERFIELD---A COMIC GENIUS!!

NOTE: I'm of Polish descent--so I'm allowed to tell this joke LOL!!

 Question: Why did the Polish man put ice in his condom?

 Answer: To keep the swelling down!!

 BRILLIANT!!

uestion: Why don't Polish women use vibrators?

 Answer: It chips their teeth!

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