Unfortunately, I think providers hear this story far too often. I wish there was a realistic view towards sex/relationships in our society. Men need to be taught that the woman still wants to be woo'd after marriage, and women need to know that they must remain a wife in all aspects for the relationship to work. (some seem to hide behind being a mommy for a long time). I think if young people had better understanding of what was coming down the road to them, they would be ready to handle marriage/child rearing better than being told some garbage like, "...and they lived happily ever after..."
if religious people have trouble reconciling the hobby with their faith. Particularly if having sworn to the "fore-sacking all others" and "death do us" part.
Mate fidelity is actually rooted in evolutionary biology. Religions (there have been many through the ages) tend to put philosophical wrappers around existing behaviors. But you tend to find similar behavior in societies across the world and through the ages.
Obviously evolution selects for characteristics that survive. Mate guarding is a DNA survival force, a team working to promote the lifespan of their own offspring. Unfaithful women deplete a man's resources (by trickery) by raising someone not of his DNA line. In a different way, a philandering father is unlikely to give full-time support to his potentially many mothered offspring. However if he is an alpha male, he likely has supportive resources, and thus harems arise -- by the way, not against the will of the many wives, but actually competitive to get in on the deal.
Harems are actually bad for beta males -- who are unlikely to be viewed as worthy of sex. Women thrive in harems. With the current breakdown of the institution of marriage in modern society, expect a return to harem like arrangements. But I digress
Fucking is a thing, fuck as many as you can in your lifetime...Bible verse....Vows are overrated....
Genesis 1:22And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let's multiply in the earth.
Genesis 9:7And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply…
(Edit due to an errand tap...)
Being among those whose shadow crosses the threshold of a church on semi-regular schedule, I can assure you that I am oerfectly capsble of rationalizing my behaviour.
Just as as a non-believer, I guess that chemistry will always trump religion....
-- Modified on 4/2/2016 7:13:46 PM
as the hobby has become my religion
Love that answer!!!
What happens in many marriages is one of the spouses forgets about the "hold" part. That's no small omission. There's many reasons that happens. When it happens, it would be great if the person no longer willing or able to "hold" the other would love them enough to agree to let them get their "holding" some other way, as long as they stay committed to their spouse and their marriage.
If you've never been in this kind of situation, and I hope you haven't, it's hard to understand what it's like... to love someone deeply, to be committed to them, but yearn for someone to hold and hold them, to kiss and be kissed, to make love to and have someone make love to them. Try that for, oh, 25 years and see if your perspective changes at all.
I can understand that even though my marriage was filled with mutual sexual activity that lasted 53 years. I never had the need to go outside for sex. Only after about 6 years of mourning and seeking feminime companionship did I start seeing escorts
If my SO was in any way interested in an intimate relationship, I'd not have ever hobbied. Eventually it went from once a year to zero. She is quite happy with it like this & sees nothing wrong. I'm not read to be celibate. I've been married (second) 25 years.
It doesn't bother me from a religious perspective.
If you've never been in this kind of situation, and I hope you haven't, it's hard to understand what it's like... to love someone deeply, to be committed to them, but yearn for someone to hold and hold them, to kiss and be kissed, to make love to and have someone make love to them. Try that for, oh, 25 years and see if your perspective changes at all.
Unfortunately, I think providers hear this story far too often. I wish there was a realistic view towards sex/relationships in our society. Men need to be taught that the woman still wants to be woo'd after marriage, and women need to know that they must remain a wife in all aspects for the relationship to work. (some seem to hide behind being a mommy for a long time). I think if young people had better understanding of what was coming down the road to them, they would be ready to handle marriage/child rearing better than being told some garbage like, "...and they lived happily ever after..."
Forsaking all others isn't in the Bible. Genesis says a man and a woman become one flesh. The New Testament comments on Genesis. See Eph. Ch. 5. But there's also plenty in the Bible about having concubines. See 1st Samuel, 1st Kings, etc. Solomon had 300 concubines. No word if he wrote reviews.
It isn't in the bible but it is in many weddings performed in a church and by a minister. It is part of an oath.
And if you choose it, and promise it to your spouse, you really ought to abide by your promise whether it's based on religious faith or not. I value honesty in my marriage above all else. So when I decided to start hobbying I was honest about it with my wife, who agreed to accept it. Now that years have gone by we have moved from mere acceptance to totally embracing the polyamorous lifestyle for both of us and our marriage is stronger for it. Maybe I'm going off topic but I highly encourage everyone to consider honesty above cheating. Life is sweet!
Had this topic been raised in the General Board it would have been a riot of nastiness 
While here the response has been civil and interesting. Thank you all.
My x and I are getting back together but have not had sex since 2009, and I do not see it on the horizon. We do not sleep in the same bed nor touch each other except to kiss good night. We are great friends and enjoy each others company.
However......
She has told me that she does not want to know the particulars of what I do, or do not do.
That being said if I was open about the hobby she would complain about all the money I am spending.
I bought a motorcycle while we were apart and she complains about the time and money I pour into it.
With regard to the religion thing, I believe in Christ but I also believe in the instructions to Paul put down regarding the importance of physical love to keep the male from straying
"For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."" That's the one I try to keep in mind above everything else in that big book.
There's nothing in traditional marriage vows specifically about sex. Maybe there should be. But I believe it's possible for a married couple to not forsake each other while they're honest with each other about their needs. For example, husband loves golf. Wife hates it. Wife loves country western music and dancing. Husband detests it. So hubby goes golfing every week with a couple of buds, and wife goes out dancing every week with some friends. Both come home happy.
But try to replace golf or dancing with some sort of bodily contact, and some folks go berserk.
As my SO says about p4p, "It's just sex. It's not as if it's an emotional thing."
Although the feeling of conquest is absent in p4p, which I guess I miss the most. In that sense it is like buying an Olympic medal in a pawn shop.
As my SO says about p4p, "It's just sex. It's not as if it's an emotional thing."
The past few posts might explain why I'm enjoying the Sugar Dating scene a lot these days. Compared to Hobbying, Sugar Dating is very much like "the conquest" and there is very certainly an emotional ingredient. My wife and I agree that polyamory is a good way to live, and that means loving others intimately, not just having sex. She and I both enjoy the loving, sexual relationships we have outside of marriage. As for the money, I pay my lovers and she doesn't. So what? She spends more money on other things and anyway we both benefit equally from each others happiness.
I do not see myself as violating relationships. If anything, I augment them. If a man needs to roam, better he do it with me as I will honor and respect the boundaries of his vanilla life. I will not expect to be called or texted at night before he closes his eyes with his wife nor will I blow up his phone when I 'need' him. I take care of me and enjoy the interludes that are offerred without expectations other than consideration
Our role in society should be elevated, not denigrated. I am certain I have saved marriages and have destroyed none.
All of us have the gift and the ability to use our own free-will. I think that makes everything interesting, exciting, honest, but yet sometimes dangerous.
I accept the fact that none of us are perfect, thus we all have the ability to improve. I still do my best; however, knowing that any debts owed for my faults, and everyone elses, have already been paid--2000 years ago.
That's not an excuse for reckless or anything goes behavior, nor is it rationalization. It is simply faith--unexpainable, and non-judgmental.
Has anyone ever noticed that huge gold wedding bands are always visible on the actors in the Cialis commercials? It's clear that they are going out of their way to show that they are married.
The best line I heard was one morning on the radio when the commentator was talking about the ED med commercials. He said, "None of these drugs do any good unless she gets out of her bathtub and climbs into his!"
