... is, what happens when one party to the relationship is unable to give himself or herself fully to the other, whether it's physically, emotionally, etc.? For example, what if there's a serious injury or other physiological problem that prevents someone from sharing physical intimacy? What if there's a serious emotional or phychological issue such as past sexual abuse that makes it difficult if not impossible for someone to be intimate with their spouse/SO? The committed relationship may be mutually loving and strong in other respects, but there's a chasm in the intimacy department. What does the person who desires intimacy with another person do? Do they live a celibate life? Do they abandon their partner, whom they love?
One thing I've learned from the hobby with regards to committed relationships is the importance of discussing up front what will happen if one party in the relationship becomes unable or unwilling to meet the intimacy needs of the other. If I had it to do all over again, I would seek an agreement with my partner that should one of us feel his or her needs aren't being met, we'd discuss it openly and work it out together. And that could mean one person gives his/her consent and approval for the other to get his/her needs met elsewhere. Or it could mean we'd agree it's best to end our relationship. Or maybe we'd agree on some other solution. The key is communication, understanding, and love from the beginning of the relationship.A similar question was posted on the General Board recently and I thought it was a fantastic question. It would be great to get feedback from both hobbyist and providers.
Here is my perspective:
I don't think it has for me. I'm a 40 something widower, was widowed in my mid 20s after only 6 months of marriage. I point this out because I want people to know that the hobby, for me, is not a dealing mechanism or therapy in dealing with my grief. For me being involved in the hobby is just easier than dating. I like the idea of the no string attached and we can both be real and authentic with each other. Plus when I do date and women find out my story they tend to react in 2 ways. One, they want to fix me because I must be broken because of my experience, and two, they run because I must be broken because of my experience. Now its important to understand I have to be seeing someone for a long time before I discus my deceased wife. Some have told me that being involved in the hobby is very unhealthy and is my way of defecting my grief. I totally disagree. I like having fun in every aspect of my life and the hobby allows me a way of doing that without the drama of being in a relationship. I'm not one to say that I will never be in another serious relationship, you never know, but I don't feel the need to go out of my way to be in one because that's what my family or friends expect of me. If I want to be in a relationship I will, but it will be because I want to. I will say this though, if that time does come and I do get in a serious relationship, I will be quitting the hobby because I believe that in order to be in a committed relationship one has to give of themselves fully, physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
Be Safe,
Buc
pay to do things my wife won't do, or would feel uncomfortable doing. Simple as that.
I've been divorced for almost 15 years. The last thing I want to do is settle for a relationship with a woman who is not a good match or me and vice-versa in order to have sex and other physical intimacy. Seeing escorts takes care of a lot of these physical needs. If I do meet the right woman someday then that would be wonderful but I want to be confident if that happens that we are truly well suited for one another.
Plus I've met some really remarkable women in the P4P world.
When in a relationship, I'm somehow almost automaticlly monogamous. I might slip out for a massage now and then though but that's mostly about being pampered.
The answer to the other implicit question -- hobbying does not diminish my sex life in relationship. In fact it has certainly helped it.
Plus I've met some really remarkable women in the P4P world.
A bad marriage changed my views of the hobby. I now understand the fundamental role that our little world plays in society: Fulfilling needs for those whose spouses do not give them the physical attention they need, fulfilling needs for those who have social problems and/or are disfigured, and providing an outlet that reduces the incidences of rape and other nasty kinds of sexual coerscion. My views on open relationships and polyamory are entirely independent of the hobby, based instead on the relationships I have had and the relationships I have observed around me.
Not nearly as dangerous to my marriage as a mistress or affair.
Without the hobby, I doubt we would have stayed together.
Discovered my polyamatory side and met many wonderful providers.
Don't PM--not vip. But if you reply and ask me to contact you, I will do so if possible
... is, what happens when one party to the relationship is unable to give himself or herself fully to the other, whether it's physically, emotionally, etc.? For example, what if there's a serious injury or other physiological problem that prevents someone from sharing physical intimacy? What if there's a serious emotional or phychological issue such as past sexual abuse that makes it difficult if not impossible for someone to be intimate with their spouse/SO? The committed relationship may be mutually loving and strong in other respects, but there's a chasm in the intimacy department. What does the person who desires intimacy with another person do? Do they live a celibate life? Do they abandon their partner, whom they love?
One thing I've learned from the hobby with regards to committed relationships is the importance of discussing up front what will happen if one party in the relationship becomes unable or unwilling to meet the intimacy needs of the other. If I had it to do all over again, I would seek an agreement with my partner that should one of us feel his or her needs aren't being met, we'd discuss it openly and work it out together. And that could mean one person gives his/her consent and approval for the other to get his/her needs met elsewhere. Or it could mean we'd agree it's best to end our relationship. Or maybe we'd agree on some other solution. The key is communication, understanding, and love from the beginning of the relationship.
9 out of 10 providers are married or have a SO. I'm certain they have had this discussion with the men who watch them leave every day to service us. A thank you to all of them willing to share daily!
... than what I posted about, but I'd hope that providers who are in committed relationships have the support of their partners.
I am curious as to how you know 9 of 10 providers are married or have an SO. Based on my experience (admittedly a small sample size) and from reading these boards over the years, I think this ratio is smaller.
It may be a high ration. But it is humorous when hobbyists are surprised when they know they have a husband or SO.
How do I know? They tell me. I'm sure if you get close to some, they will open up more. Then again, some don't.
were raging about pillow talk and threatening...now this post. Ladies and gentlemen you are all so screwed. Some of us know how to sit on the information we have gathered. Others, like this group don't and want to use information to hurt others. Be careful out there as they say at roll call...
I have never mentioned information. I pillow talk about my wife and theirs (if they have one) yes. This is a thread about marriage, SO, discussions...etc. Take the hate to the local watering hole. or we will have to put you back outside
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/554857616561676936/?from_navigate=true
for you all to catch the "we" and the idle threat. LOL.
And folks watch my response...disappear (they don't like to expose themselves to sunlight)
Yours truly, the fungus fighter...
Wongbater
I am with vantheman. The nature of marriage and serious relationships has changed my mind on our activity. It was my last serious girlfriend that put me over the top. I worked really hard to be supportive, helpful and a good guy only to get someone who was so into her own issues, that my efforts went unnoticed. And, when our relationship ended, it was all my fault.
The majority of the women I have met here have been fun, intelligent, understanding, and way better as far as intimacy is concerned, both physical and emotional. I have changed my mind about relationships because of relationships, not because of this activity.
I got into this out of desperation and humiliation of rejection from my wife. I've never been comfortable with P4P activities, so I've stayed with FBSM and away from FS providers. Hobby activities are mutually exclusive to a committed relationship. In order for me to enjoy the hobby, I have to lose that amount of connection with my SO.