Haven't I seen you before?"
== "Nice ass."

"I'm a Romantic."
== "I'm poor."

"I need you."
== "My hand is tired."

"I am different from all the other guys."
== "I am not circumcised."

"I want a commitment."
== "I'm sick of masturbation."

"You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
== "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

"I really want to get to know you better."
== "So I can tell my friends about it."

"It's just orange juice, try it."
== "3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."

"She's kinda cute."
== "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary."

"I don't know if I like her."
== "She won't sleep with me."

"I miss you so much."
== "I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good."

"Was it good for you?"
== "I'm insecure about my manhood."

"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
== "Is my penis really that small?"

"I had a wonderful time last night."
== "Who the hell are you?"

"Do you love me?"
== "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

"Do you 'really' love me?"
== "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later."

"How much do you love me?"
== "I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now."

"I have something to tell you."
== "Get tested."

"I'll give you a call."
== "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again."

"I've been thinking a lot."
== "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

"I think we should just be friends."
== "You're ugly."

"I've learned a lot from you."
== "Next!!!!"

"I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
== "I gotta turn on my answering machine."