My divorcee SB took down her SA profile sometime shortly after we met. I happened across this as I was looking at old messages to see if I missed anything. Honestly, I do not care about whether she has a SA profile or not, and do not care if she is screwing other guys or not (at first I thought she was not, but having had sex with her, her passion and skill suggest I am not her only sexual outlet), but I am mildly curious about why she took down the profile, and would like to ask her.
But... that seems like one of these questions where she is likely to hear something other than passing curiosity and spin her answer to be what she thinks I want to hear. I do not want her to think I am checking on her, am pleased or displeased that she is not looking for another SB, or any of the other things she might infer from that question.
Should I ask why she took it down? I suppose I could do what I have done with my other SB, and have a general conversation about SA and how each of us feel about it, see what she says.
I know the answer to this next one, but feel free to tell me I am wrong. The phone number my college SB gave me lead straight to her FB page, so I now know a lot more about her than she thinks. It did confirm that she really is over 18 without me having to see her DL, which was reassuring. Is there any way, or any reason, to tell her I know her real name and have seen her FB page without seeming really creepy and stalkerish? I don't think so. She also is telling me lots of stuff on her own (most of which I believe, none of which I am verifying), and I have not been back to the FB page after that first visit, nor do I have any current plans to go there. Not saying I never will, but I am very happy to play in the fantasy we are weaving together, no desire to know where it begins and ends. I only found the FB page because another friend here told me about using phone numbers and email addresses to look for them as part of screening prospects, and I did it with all my prospective SBs. Close to half brought up FB pages, and it certainly did give a better idea of what they looked like and who they were.
thanks to all.
zig
Right after we met for coffee, so I guess she was happy - lucky me! We had not even done the deed yet, but did so on our first meeting at her place. I did mentioned it and she just said, yes I am off the board, I have found what I want - so??? who knows. I prefer she is only with me, but that is a bit unrealistic and it would not stop me from seeing her, I am not doing BBFS nor do I plan on that. Good info on Facebook angle. I am not a Facebook person, so I will have to investigate that. And to your comment about letting her know you saw her FB page, I would keep that to myself for sure.
I had an SB in Costa Rica for a year or so, I didn't meet her on SA, she was a hooker who wanted to "retire" and supporting her didn't cost me a lot. It seemed to make her happy and we had unlimited time together when I was in town. A great arrangement for both of us and we even used the "L" word at time, or I suppose it was the "A" word as in "Te Amo mi vida" lol
I have no idea if she was "working" during the time I was here in the states as it is quite common for ticas to have "gringo novios" and the minute they leave town they go back to work as hookers. I never "wanted" to catch her so I made very sure she knew when I was coming to town so I didn't catch her working by accident. I always figured "what I didn't know, wouldn't hurt either of us" as I knew if I ever did catch her working, that would be the end of us, especially since we had thrown the condoms away months ago, and I didn't want that to happen, so I made it a point to never be in a position to catch her.
I think some of this is applicable to your situation. You don't want to seem creepy, you don't want to "catch" her in a lie, in short you are in a good place with her and you don't want to fuck it up. Personally, I would not mention it and allow her to tell you these things at her own pace.
I agree with GaGambler, if it's going well, and since SA is kind of an alternate reality anyway--why fuck it up? There's really nothing to be gained from mentioning it, or looking further into that stuff. I make a point to avoid their facebooks, instagrams etc, because I like just dealing with them with whatever part of themselves they want me to see. Usually on SA it's their best foot forward anyway, for obvious reasons. and for some of them who kind of get off on the forbidden relationship with an older man thing, having us know which frat boys they're doing beer bongs with or the family trip to Montana probably isn't all that appealing. Unless of course they bring that kind of thing up themselves.
The princess and you both assume I would not like truthful answers, do not want to know too much. There is truth to that as far as knowing who she is fucking and when, but I have been doing this long enough that all I (think I) require is that she be a good fuck, responsive to communication, show up when she says she will and treat me well. That's it. If she wants to fuck everyone in the world the rest of the time, I am not too concerned so long as I do not catch any STIs.
OTOH, I am told a lot more stuff than I want to know already, so the point about not asking questions is perfectly correct. No upside beyond satisfying mild curiosity, and that is not enough.
zig
If you "already" know the answers, then it's not the truthful answers you should be worried about, but you do run the risk of 'catching her in a lie" and THAT could fuck up everything between you, not the actions themselves if you just let sleeping dogs lie.
and never really considered it to be a very intrusive question or one so fraught with possible bad outcomes as the previous responders have posted. So I have a lot of food for thought. One SB who took her profile down surprised me because she had told me she was truly persuing a poly lifestyle. I thought she wanted lots more l;overs, so I was honestly surprised she took it down. So when I asked her about it she told me she was working on regaining custody of her daughter and didn't want anything posted that might look bad to CYFD!
Your second question also was a new idea for me. I did not know you could do a search on Facebook for a phone number! So I immediately tried it and entered my current favorite college SB's number and sure enough, found her FB page. Kinda fun! I do know her well enough that I think if I mention it to her she won't have any problem with it at all.
The first part: I don't care either way unless I have my desires and interests set on one SB whose profile is on all the time ala she's fishing on a daily basis. I will not entertain the idea of a "steady" SB when she's playing the P4P game for any Pump-N-Dumper SD. The only caveat being that if the SB is new, I give her the benefit of the doubt and let her get her initial excitement of all the message bombardment out of her system. For newer SBs who I get to meet before many others, I try to raise the bar so that she keeps her interest in me after she's met a cross section of other POT SDs. If I feel that after the said SB has pretty much narrowed her field down to 2-3 POT SDs and she's biting on my line, I know that I'm in with a great chance to seal the deal.
As to the ones who take down their profiles right after meeting someone, that would kind of concern me personally because I get the feeling that they may be too clingy and I do not welcome clinginess! Another big factor, hiding ones profile is quite different than deactivating the profile. As to how you'd know as to which she has chosen, I really would not know unless you have access to SA Admin or her log in info!
The 2nd Q: It kills the fantasy and it is NOT for me to play the online sleuth unless I was really interested in having an exclusive relationship with her. I do not have FB so I guess that I will have to ask my eldest son to do it for me who happens to be the same age as the SB :P
Lastly, I will do exactly the opposite of how a woman would react when faced with a reality that they may not like. My SB once asked me as to why my profile was still premium whereas I had indicated that I was not interested in renewing all the while I do know for a FACT that she signs onto the site every 2-3 days and she's obviously communicating / prospecting. If i had to take a strong guess, what would take for me to lock her up exclusively would be doubling up (at least) her allowance which will be too costly for me at this point. Therefore, I just STFU knowing that when she's with me, she's not fcuking another SD (a physical impossibility) but outside of that scenario, who the fcuk really knows?! I like to have options too and if I detect that my SB is playing the projection game on me, I will just reach out to the little list I keep in my back pocket and move onto the next.
If you look up Facebook, Facebook may send the other person an email and ask "do you know (your name). They want more people to become Facebook friends with each other.
I don't know how to stop this except to not sign in, to clear cookies and cache, and use a different computer for Facebook searches than the one that you log into Facebook, as well as not looking up the same people when you log in versus when you look at other people.
Not surprised they would get notified, but not that worried either. If asked, I would just tell the truth - I went there to see better pictures of you. And since she has not dumped me in the month since I did that, in fact we are getting along quite well, I guess it wasn't a problem.
zig
I don't know how to stop this except to not sign in, to clear cookies and cache, and use a different computer for Facebook searches than the one that you log into Facebook, as well as not looking up the same people when you log in versus when you look at other people.
You folks might want to check on who has visited your pages also