1. Under no circumstances use any other toilet than your own, regardless of any
stomach pain that may be caused whilst waiting to get home.

2. With the toilet-brush, clean any residue left on the pan by your husband. Also
wipe his pubic hair off the seat with some toilet paper.

3. Flush the toilet before starting. Then wash your hands.

4. Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may have sat on the toilet
since it was last bleached).

5. Stuff toilet paper inside the pan to prevent splash-back.

6. Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still prefer to squat over the seat as
opposed to taking the risk of touching it with bare flesh.

7. Release solids, but strain to avoid making any sounds.

8. Rise and quickly flush before direct eye-contact is made with any feces.

9. Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to positively guarantee
that no residue will touch bare skin (about five or six applications per roll).

10. Wipe once and throw paper into the pan. Do not look at the paper.

11. Repeat steps 9 and 10 at least thirty times. It may be necessary to yell for your
husband to find some more rolls to pass through the door while promising not to
open his eyes or pass any comments. It is traditional to do this while he is trying to
watch sport.

12. Flush the toilet and lower the lid.

13. Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap.

14. Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air freshener.

15. Pick up all reading material left behind by your husband and leave bathroom,
closing the door firmly behind you.