I guess I don't have the same aversion to "throwing stones" that you do. but the guy was a giant douchebag and quite frankly deserves all the ridicule he gets. lol
-- Modified on 10/6/2016 7:42:32 PM
Still going and having some discussions, tho mostly off line from here as has been my hobbying habit, too. Only so many hours in the day, so many hours for my hobbies, and chittering chattering here is more useful than fun for me. Not that I do not love and appreciate you guys. Thanks for everything.
A friend was worrying about scaring off potential SBs in a recent exchange, and it set me to thinking. Part of the fun of the sugar world is the courtship, the seduction, the search and uncertainty. In the hobby you have a little of that, searching for and finding a good escort, and the slight worry about the first date, but it is pretty minimal. Lots more in the sugar world. My friend was concerned that if he came on too hard, pushed her to set a price, go to bed with him, he might "scare her away." I get that - if you are dating a woman, and this does seem like dating, you need to take your time, not push for sex until she is ready. But this is not really dating, and as with an escort, the key to happiness here is to find someone who wants what you want. If that is nice, long dinners, lots of talk, flirting and cooing, then no need to talk about something else. But if you are looking for a fuck buddy, then the sooner you find out whether she is willing to be your fuck buddy or not, the better off you both are. If, as I told him, asking that question (probably not in those words, of course) scares her off, you have saved yourself a lot of time, money and energy, because she is not likely to ever be your fuck buddy. This is not about converting someone, convincing someone, it is about seduction to some degree, and being an acceptable option to a greater degree. But for the most part, the lady is doing what she wants to do. You are simply who she chooses to do it with, nothing more or less.
If I want a provider who likes anal sex, I do not look for a beautiful provider who sweeps me off my feet, then try to convince her to go anal. Sure, that may work, but more likely it won't. Maybe I convince her to give it a try once, but she probably won't like it and want to do it regularly. SBs are not sweet, little things who need to be coddled - they are looking for something and the sooner you can find out what they seek, and whether it fits with what you seek, the better for both of you.
To be clear, that does not mean pushing them to do something before they are ready to do it. I am happy enough to be patient and see how things unfold. But I want to know they are cool with sex, okay with an arrangement, understand the game and if we get along are happy to play with me.
For those of you curious about what's up with me, here is a long report:
I am pretty much at the end of my interview and evaluate phase, though I do still have one cup-of-coffee first meeting left, as well as one first fuck, though I do not expect anything much to come of either of them. Because I now have two wonderful SBs, let's call them 1 and 1a. One is 19, a real college student and a sweet, if damaged, young woman. She took me home on our first date and neither of us has looked back since. I think we are on to our fourth or fifth date now, and she is telling me the story of her life, while I eat her pussy the way she truly loves (no BS, she loves it) and entertaining her the way she wants to be entertained - mostly meals, talk and wild sex, but she has requested some other stuff that I will do. The other is in her early 30s, a divorced mom from Eastern Europe, beautiful, quirky, and sexy as hell. She has her own ideas (about everything, but I like most of them) and for the first two dates as far as we got was to make out and give each other massages. She will not talk about any arrangement, just telling me I should tuck money into her purse when I want to. All of which made me both nervous (how much?) and doubtful that she was serious (though she said she had a previous SD and that is how he did it) about an arrangement, or even liked sex. So we got to date three and I was thinking this was going to be the end.
She blew me away. Passionate, wild, sexy, wonderful. I went from it being my last date with her to wondering how often and soon I can see her in a couple of hours. Game on, game over. I win.
Hopefully this will help me to clean out the list of not really great, but okay women I have been keeping on the line. Because the one problem I have had with the sugar world has been that I keep doing too much, chatting with too many women, having too many dates (and too much sex, though I do not expect any sympathy from anyone about that), spending too much money. I have had a hard time saying no. The logical reason for that is that I wanted to keep a good pipeline available because I was not sure how things would turn out and I want to have sex with someone; the other reason is that I liked flirting, the women are all sexy in their own way, and it is fun. But now I do know how it will turn out and it is time to start saying no. Stay tuned for whether I do it, but I think I will. In addition to the half dozen or so SBs I have been courting, fucking, or whatever, a few of my old hooker friends have reemerged, wondering what is up with me. As it turns out, those old hooker friends would all rank in the top four with my SBs - prettier in most cases, great bodies, full menus and more attentive to satisfying me in different ways, tho my two SBs are very good. The only downside is that they cost 500 for 90 minutes with not a lot of real engagement, while I get 3 to 6 hours and all the engagement I want for the same price with my SBs. And I like both of the SBs more, but I think that is probably baked into the system.
For reference, the two women that I now officially adore were not my first picks either. The young one seemed pretty good from the start and I was continuing to see her, but there were others I thought were more likely. And the older one was just a sort of throw in, someone who seemed mildly interesting and was geographically convenient. As I said, up until halfway through that third date, I thought there was better than a 50% chance it would be our last date.
Count me done with hookers for now and a FT SD, boys. Not saying I would not be happy to go back to the hobby but I do not think I will. These two women are both wonderful, each in her own way and will make me very happy until they don't any more. Then it will be back to SA premium to find some more. Now I just need to figure out how to juggle these two, explore what they want.
One other thing - in response to the a-hole who called us BS artists, I guess it is true. If by BS artist you mean talking to a woman, asking her what she wants and then giving it to her if it fits with what I want. Of course, you do need to know what you want, know how to read the information in the profiles and screen for likely fits, know how to talk to someone, and then listen to what she says and respond properly. All useful skills in lots of situations, not just here. If all you are finding are fat, ugly, scam artists, it may say more about how you are searching and what you are saying than anything else.
Have fun boys. I am.
zig
Glad to hear it's working out for you zig. I was wondering where you had been. Almost thought #1 gave you a heart attack. Lol
Excellent feedback, Zig, you are the real SD who's eating the whole cake!
I hope I get luckier in the sugar world too 
not to throw stones at anyone - by my guess is that those that are not successful SDing, may not have been all that successful in the civie dating world, but I could be wrong. Woman are kooks and hard to figure out - not exactly big news I know. It's a process and a bit of a game, and that seems to be part of this. But I think the key it to be able to pull in a quality SB when the time is right, which will require a little work. And yes, practice makes perfect, like in many things. I was lucky early on and found a good fit with a 29 yr old, and I am close to double that in age - so for now I am laying low and enjoying time with my SB. I am not really searching for big volume, so to each their own.
and/or who's only other sex they have ever had in their lives has come from hookers, most likely are going to be rather disappointed in the Sugar Bowl. Even if they take the Z approach, I still think someone lacking any social skills whatsoever is going to crash and burn on SA and then turn around and "blame the game" instead of the player with "no game"
I have seen just how clueless and socially inept some guys truly are after reading (and writing) ten of thousands of posts on the other TER boards, I am completely convinced many of these guys can barely manage to hire a hooker which is guaranteed pussy and that only by pure accident would they ever manage to get laid in the Sugar Bowl. That idiot "cagey guy" or "cunty guy" or whatever the fuck his name is, most likely is one of those guys, He made a post on the K-Girl board that he wasn't having any more luck getting laid by the K-girls than he was in the Sugar Bowl. I checked his reviews and sure enough, most of them were of agency girls.
I guess I don't have the same aversion to "throwing stones" that you do. but the guy was a giant douchebag and quite frankly deserves all the ridicule he gets. lol
I was married for 32 years. The last 2 years I started playing. Got comfortable with being with ladies again and got my game back. A strange process.
Now I have to tone it down because I've been accused of being a playet. Funny life.
Been married over 30 years, never was that good at dating before I got married, though I usually had a GF, just not the ones I really wanted. Always liked sex and was able to find it, though.
Maybe I grew up over time, or learned a bunch from raising a family and managing and mentoring lots of different people while building a company, or maybe, as I posted, I realized that this, and almost every other social interaction, is not about convincing anyone to do anything, but rather finding someone who wants to do what I want to do, and then presenting myself as an acceptable option for her or them to do it? Hell, I also think I have a pretty good idea what the guys who fail at a lot of this are doing.
They have a need, a strong need. Often they do not even recognize that need, deny it is there at all, view themselves as simple, open guys just looking for a nice, regular girl. But that need, usually a need to be accepted, affirmed, maybe even loved, including a need to have sex, some sort of fantasy sex like in movies, is so strong that it dominates everything. They see the women as a sort of goddesses with the power to grant or deny them what they need, and are simply looking for the key to unlock them. So they never get out of their own heads, never see the women as humans (and to those who say women are complicated, mysterious, I reply no more than men) who have needs and desires, too, people who want to be understood and appreciated. So the guys come off as weird, self-involved, creepy, not comfortable, attentive and open.
So I do not think a long, successful marriage indicates someone does not know how to find and please a woman.
OTOH, I do think that poster was an asshole, intent on telling everyone who was good at finding and pleasing a SB that it is because we are sick, instead of looking inside himself and figuring out what he needs to do to get what he wants. Of course, many of us are sick bastards by almost any normal social measure (60 yo fucking 19 yo has his hand up here), but that is not what the guy fucking providers because he struck out with all the SBs is saying - he is just jealous and angry. Pitiful little man.
zig
zig
And agree on your point about finding someone who wants to do what you want. My guess is most on SA are in need of some $$, but are also interested in having some fun. I avoid anyone who looks or comes off as desperately in need of money, drugs etc, that is just not my thing. Maybe most like sex or just experienced men - who knows. Can't figure out what makes every lady on the site tick - but maybe some enjoy both the action (I sure do) and the $$. The good thing is finding one who is a fit and enjoying the ride. One thing I have learned so far, this is different than P4P in a good way I think - and I still like pay for play.
OTOH, I do think that poster was an asshole, intent on telling everyone who was good at finding and pleasing a SB that it is because we are sick, instead of looking inside himself and figuring out what he needs to do to get what he wants. Of course, many of us are sick bastards by almost any normal social measure (60 yo fucking 19 yo has his hand up here), but that is not what the guy fucking providers because he struck out with all the SBs is saying - he is just jealous and angry. Pitiful little man.
zig
zig
Good at finding and pleasing SBs? Don't you also mean paying them? You conveniently omitted that part. You are paying your SBs? Right? And by the way, you have 78 reviews. You certainly have laid a lot of money on the table to fuck women.
I have already looked inward and decided not to pay these SB websites any more of my hard earned cash to join. Got it you asshole?
-- Modified on 10/6/2016 8:04:12 PM
I guess I don't have the same aversion to "throwing stones" that you do. but the guy was a giant douchebag and quite frankly deserves all the ridicule he gets. lol
I have read your self-aggrandizement here about hookers falling in love with you, coupled with the BS about how your high morals would not allow you to cheat on your wife while you were married. It is never a pleasurable task to read text from a seedy man bragging about himself. And once is enough for anyone to have to endure. I have also read your PM wherein you bragged to me about how "little" you pay for the SBs that you acquire. You disappoint me Goomba--paying for your SBs?
Your BS posts here on the TER are indeed lowbrow literature of the worst order--odor--whatever. A pair of hip boots might not be a bad idea for those who wish to continually waste their time reading your trash. Perhaps a second career as a writer for the lowbrow magazines that sit next to the supermarket checkouts might be not be a bad idea. It would certainly be a step up from the juvenile bragging you seem to enjoy here.
And what is there to brag about? Everyone here wants to, or is already spending their hard earned cash to fuck chicks. Is that something to brag about? Is there anyone here on the Highway fucking SBs without paying one fucking dime?
What about you Goomba?
-- Modified on 10/6/2016 7:42:32 PM
The difference for me is that in the civvie world you have no idea how a woman is going to react if you come on to her. She may really be offended and put you down harshly no matter how gentlemanly your approach is. I hate that kind of rejection. In the Sugar World you know going in that any SB you approach is there for a reason and wants you to make an offer. Maybe your wants and hers will be the same and maybe not , but at least you know she won't be annoyed that you approached her.
When I first saw it, I thought, "Oh lord, way too long." But I think it is very informative. Thanks for the update.
I too have a hard time staying away from exchan ging messages with lots of SBs on SA. I real;ly love the flirtation and the chase. One thing that really resonated with me in your story was that until that 3rd date with Number 2 you didn't think the arrangement was likely to go anywhere. And that's because until you get into bed and fuck someone you really have no idea how great, or how not so great, it's going to be. It's really hard to tell until you do it!
Exactly why I dropped premium membership. Now I am only distracted by the ones who I have exchanged contact info with, and that active list keeps shrinking. Still larger than I need, tho. My hobby experience has taught me that it is very, very, very unlikely any new woman is going to be half as good as my regulars, I just need to convince my dick of that here, and get over the pleasure of flirtation and discovery. A big difference here is that flirting with a pretty woman online, then meeting her for a drink only costs me time, whereas seeing a new provider usually meant I was skipping seeing my regular that week, so I was more clearly trading down. Anyway, that means the flirtation is just fun with less downside, aside from eating up large amounts of time, and leading to dates that do interfere with seeing my SBs if things go well.
Nothing too new here, but the ideal SB is simply a woman I can talk with for hours, sit quietly with and watch for hours, just touch and caress each other for hours, or have wild sex with for hours, or any combination, and be perfectly happy. It turns out to be way more intimate than how I played with providers, mostly for obvious reasons, and the woman has to be comfortable with that. My unicorn is opening up and seems very happy with this, and my "older" SB (I am not even twice as old as her!) moved things along slowly, making sure she liked me, so I think she is okay with it, too.
I do not text, email or talk to my SBs a lot outside of our visits. They are both busy - one a college student with a part time job and lots of outside activities (including, I am pretty sure, fucking quite a few college boys), and the other a hard working woman with a demanding job, so they are not looking for a lot of noise to fill their days. That is fine with me. We do stay in touch a few times during the week, plan to meet pretty close to once a week, and if either of us want to talk more often, the door is open. But there is nothing obsessive or possessive in our arrangements so far. If it becomes that, I will move on.
zig