I think if I tried that I would not wake up the next morning. Or I'd be the next John Wayne Bobbit. LOL
My wife might not be BSC but she definitely would be BSJ (jealous) and pissed off if she knew I was chasing hookers and SBs.Are your confidants pretty much just here or elsewhere online? I had a hard enough time hobbying on my own, but I could compartmentalize since there were never any "feels" to go with it, but now I've found an amazing sugar relationship I find I want to talk about it with others but can't.
If you're interested, my problem is this: My new and first real sugar relationship is going incredibly well, and against the advice of other posters here I've definitely given into the feels with this woman. But I'm really struggling with the idea that a gorgeous woman 20 years younger than me could ever seriously be into me. Honestly, it's just hard to imagine how women who have their pick of guys would ever go for an average looking older guy. It can't be just the money, since there are plenty of younger guys with good jobs that still look good. The situation's created a huge amount of anxiety on my part, since I have to wonder if it's for real, and if it's for real, could this actually last? Should I even want it to last? Should i even care?
Curious to hear the thoughts of those who have been at this longer and have had more success than me.
There's only one way to find out.
Not that I'm suggesting it, but I ended up marrying a gal I met as an escort.
When I asked around, everyone pretty much said to go for it.
So far, no regrets. She's real good at understanding my needs
I wish I had the same kind of support network. I just can't even imagine talking to my offline friends about any aspect of the hobby, even though I'm certain at least a few of them partake. But I just don't have that level of comfort with them.
Congrats on finding someone who understands you. There have only been 2 women in my life I felt that level of connection with. One "got away," and I'm on this board because of the 2nd lol.
Personally, I can talk about it with virtually anyone who cares to hear about it as I am completely "out" where it comes to both hookers and SB's. I am entirely too fucking lazy to lie, except of course I don't come right out and tell all my SB's about the other ones in the "rotation" but I doubt I would lie about it if asked.
A couple of quick questions, are you married? Are you free to pursue a "real" relationship with this young lady?
This is not the Newbie board, where we are obligated to be "nice" but I am pretty sure that most of us will give you the best advice we know how to give and at least "try" not to be too judgmental while doing so, as long as you don't act like a DB while doing so, which does not seem to be the case.
BTW twenty years age difference really isn't that much. I look at most women twenty years my junior and think to myself "too old" lol
Thanks GaGambler. I'm jealous- my social circle is pretty judgmental and some are work-related so I keep my activities on the DL. I actually think some of them hobby as well, but it's just not the kind of crowd that is open about that kind of thing. And that is funny about your target demographic. I can only wonder if I'll still be able to target the 20-somethings when I'm the same age, assuming I'm still active lol.
I'm not married, but am in a long-term relationship. With my SB, I'm happier than I have been in years and we click like I've only ever done with one other woman in my dating life- the "one who got away." I'm at the point where I'm seriously considering making some life changes, but I think I have to let this ride beyond the honeymoon stage to see if it can work longer term before blowing up the life I've built with my partner.
The fantasy is most often a great deal different than the reality, and that goes for ALL relationships, whether they be with hookers, SB's or civvies.
and not to give unsolicited advice, but I guess that comes with the territory here, lol If this new SB makes you so much happier than your long term SO, "maybe" she is filling a void in your life you didn't even know needed filling. You "might" want to reassess your current relationship, but do so without factoring in this new love in your life. Your relationship may have passed into something stale that either needs shaking up or replacing, even if this new SB in your life walks out of your life tomorrow. You might want to ask yourself, "if this new SB walks out of your life tomorrow, can you honestly be content with going back to a life with your SO like it never happened?"
Of course you may very well be able to write this off as a fling and go back to your life as normal. I don't claim to have any answers, just pointing you in the direction of a couple of questions you might ask yourself.
That hep talk sounds cool, but coming from a seedy old tinhorn, it doesn't quite have that ring-a-ding, ding. I look forward to the Goomba Sings for Swinging Lovers album.
The Chairman is rolling over in his grave.
Onward...
Since there are too many complex variables, tangibles and intangibles involved; I would use Occam's razor as the problem solving method and state that the $$$ is most likely the correct answer.
Now as GaGa has correctly stated already, not everyone with $$$ in their pockets is going to get laid on SA as one will have to have the grasp of some basic fundamentals in the "dating" game. If in Hookerville $$$ will but a hooker's affection and in CivilVille your pure "charms" will earn a woman's affection (the two extremes) then in SugarBowl there is a dial which can be both dialed to the left or to the right with these two extremes being the Min and the Max levels. Mind you, in retrospect I must have been a sugar daddy (unbeknown to me at the time) in my normal past civilian relationships because I almost always helped on of my Ex GFs with some bills and things without ever seeing a black cent of it ever paid back! But I digress!
Case in point: the interest in SA is very diverse and if you are serious, not a time wasting buffoon, willing and able to make arrangements and to perform on your promises, willing to walk away from a demanding POT SB but leaving the crack of the door ever so slightly open, somewhat charming, not a stage 5 clinger, not creepy, not weird and not a total douche; you will get laid and you will get laid many times! The problem with the young bucks is their pride (one of the seven deadly sins) as they mostly mistreat women in their peer group and play the sort of "game" which they learn from the douche canoe group of the so called PUA (Pick Up Artist). Confident and cocky not to ever be mistaken for some peacocking idiot who acts like a douche nozzle because he thinks that's cool and that's the way to get the chicks for free!
Ive got a few friends that know of my activities post divorce. General reaction? Amazed and jealous.
As for feelings with a younger lady. Enjoy it. Go with the flow. At the hint of games cut it and let her know you are an adult and she can do that shit with her boys but not with you. I think this is where they want a DADDY. Lol
We enjoy regaling each other with our adventures and sharing tales of woe as well when that's needed. Very supportive and enjoyable. But mostly it's this forum where I exchange stories and information.
As for your feelings, just accept them and go with it. It may last it may not. I fully subscribe to the school of thought that says "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Case in point, I totally fell in love with a sweet little 23yo SB. We had a superb time for a year and then she broke it off and it broke my heart. But I don't regret one moment or one emotion. As for the age difference, 20 years is nothing. My current SBs are 50 years younger than me.
Thanks sweetman. Your story is actually exactly what I'm afraid of. I'm not a young man anymore lol. Not sure I can rebound from a broken heart as easily as I could when I was a teenager! But bravo to you for still being in the game- we should all be so lucky still to attract such young and beautiful women!
Thanks Nat. I often tell myself to maintain my distance emotionally, but I know I'm just bullshitting myself. If another sweety comes along who inspires my affections in that special way, I know damn well I'll fall head over heels again. One thing that makes my situation special though is that my wife and I are truly open and honest with each other about our feelings and activities. Last year I got to console her when she was unceremoniously dumped by a lover, and this year she got to do the same for me!
It is always better to salvage a good, long time relationship than to blow it up. Too much collateral damage and expense. Since it sounds like you are not married, it might be a little easier, but depending on how long you have been together, maybe not.
Ask yourself the question - what are you missing in your regular relationship? Then go to your SO and talk to her about it. Not in a negative way, not in an accusatory way, just be friendly, loving, tell her what you are missing and see if there is something you can do together to get it there. Of course, if what you are missing is how tight her tits and ass were 20 years ago, that may not go so well (though you could offer to buy some surgery), but if it is a little romance, a little adventure in the bedroom, a little more sex, a little more affection, she might be really happy to hear that and play along.
That is the best solution. After you have given that a try, and I mean a year of good effort, then maybe you move on. Or maybe you realize, as I have, that what you have with her is still pretty special and wonderful, and you can get the things she can no longer give you (sex for me) elsewhere and still have a perfectly good relationship. One thing I can say is that having made the effort to salvage our sex life and finally having her say no, she can't do it, I feel almost no guilt about finding sex elsewhere. She knows she is not satisfying me, does not try to satisfy me, and that I still like sex. Of course she thinks I am jerking off to porn, not screwing a 19 yo, and would be very unhappy if she knew about the SBs, but she wants her space and my trust, and is happy to give me the same.
There was a time when I thought I would leave her and someone gave me the same advice I gave you - the best solution is always to save the existing relationship, so be sure you cannot do that before you move on. It was good advice.
Have fun.
zig
All of the above is well said - I go elsewhere for my needs sexual as well but still value a long life with my SO. I think there are more relationships like this than we know - especially after 30+ yrs or more of marriage in my case. Let's face it, if I had to live with some of the guys on this forum for that long - or anyone for that matter - it would be really tough - LOL. Nobody is interesting enough for that long - and I am sure that goes both ways as I am sure I am a PITA many days as well. The key is understanding this and living with it, not always easy - but much of life is like this. Be thankful for the good things you have in life, good health, SB's, etc! 
I am just incapable of living a lie. I refuse to hide what I do as I believe that if I am doing something that I can't reveal, it must be something I feel guilty about.
There are trade offs in life, I choose not to have someone there for me 24/7 as my freedom is worth more than the security of having a wife.
I knew exactly the moment my marriage was over. I had this "moment of clarity" on day when we were having a rather pleasant talk about the future, she started talking about the things we would be doing 20 years in the future and I dawned on me that I didn't want to be together another 20 minutes, much less another 20 years and all of a sudden I felt like a wolf caught in a trap ready to chew his own foot off in order to get free. This happened well over twenty years ago and I have NEVER regretted my decision to buy my freedom.
I can only speak for myself, but in my experience I have found some times making the "best of a bad situation" is not the solution, sometimes making an entirely "new situation" is the best solution. I have pondered a few times what my life would be like today if I had stayed married and I shudder at the possibilities as every one of them I could think of would have me living a miserable, unfulfilled life. The thought of sneaking around seeing hookers or SB's behind my wife's back is simply untenable to me.
yea that 20 yrs from now thing has crept into my head a few times, not a place I probably want to be either. Many things in life are a trade off, so one day at a time for now. I wonder what guys did before the internet, no TER, SA Pxx1, etc. - now that would be a problem?
Or at least pre what the internet has become.
Back then it was SW's, Yellow page agency ads, ads tucked back in the sports section of the local paper and MP's and of course strip clubs.
Oh and then I almost forgot "civvie chicks" where you actually had to work to get laid. lol
First really nice one I went into was in Dallas - probably 30 years ago. Now keep in mind I was from the mid west and very naive. It was just shocking to me because I had never seen really hot woman naked on stage like this, I was used to some old hags in a dump in a bad part of the city where they tried to hussle drinks from you. I kept asking my co-worker, "Why would these beautiful woman take there clothes off, what's wrong with them"? Didn't realize the amount of money in it? Anyway, I have never looked back, been to quite a few clubs in my day on business travel, mostly a waste of time and money, but not so much anymore - have obviously found other entertainment to partake in.
Detroit is actually a great spot for Strip Clubs if you looking for extras believe it or not - best city I have seen in MW. The big turn off for me in SC's is the amount of tattooed woman now in business, just really not my thing/personal preference. I also think the whole experience is a rip off - valet parking mandatory, cover charge, a few drinks, dances. Hell your out the door spending $$ and what did you really get. Can probably find a SB for that in my neck of the woods.
I truly respect your life choices. In many ways you serve as a beacon of hope to others who would like to live true to their own selves, but don't know how to do anything except compromise. I too had a "moment of clarity". That was 15 years ago for me. And my feelings about it were not that different since I also could not abide the thought of sneaking around and cheating on my wife and hiding my true nature. But my method of dealing with it was to talk to her and be completely honest about how much I loved her but how much I wanted the freedom to fuck other women as well. So we worked it out and now enjoy a truly happy polyamorous marriage. Both of us are having fun with other people but we always come home. She's still the most important person in my life and our marriage is the accomplishment I'm most proud of. It is possible to have your cake and eat it too.
I think if I tried that I would not wake up the next morning. Or I'd be the next John Wayne Bobbit. LOL
My wife might not be BSC but she definitely would be BSJ (jealous) and pissed off if she knew I was chasing hookers and SBs.
My wife might not be BSC but she definitely would be BSJ (jealous) and pissed off if she knew I was chasing hookers and SBs.
Wow, thanks for sharing your experiences and wisdom. I agree with you- definitely trying to use the big head to think about this. It's the only thing stopping me from casting caution to the wind and burning it all down since it's reached the point where it's more than just the sex that's the problem. If I ride unscathed through the honeymoon phase...well, that will be where things get interesting. Then I might get scathed lol.
1 SB is turning into a girlfriend always ready for or trips. One I have dinner with 24 yr and she screws me with no mercy. She has good sex but does not act as social with me. Texts, phone calls, etc .. The 3 rd. is a beautiful black girl 25 . I mean a looker too. One of the best in the sack I have seen. Acts like a girl friend would. Texts me to see how I am . Told me to text her when I get back from Atlanta to know I got back safe. Going to have me over to her house for dinner after she gets some problems solved with girl friends laying over un announced. Gave her a little money for rent and she cried. Got a date Sunday. She will lay it on me.
I'm 70 yr. and their draining me.
Lots of SB's out there ready, willing, easy, and able.