Seriously though, if you have an issue with flatulence, be mindful of what you eat the day of or a day or two before your appt.   Gas-X works wonders too!!      

Things do happen though so don't worry about it too much but if it happens just apologize and move on.
I will admit, I have tooted in the face of a gent and apologized profusely but it did not seem to bother him too much.

If you can truly just let one rip i guess you can call that a true GFE.

Putting it bluntly

I had a lady fart in my face once.  Didn't seem to bother her greatly, although she did apologize.  I just told her I took it as a complement on my DATY ability was so good that she lost control.  We then had a good laugh and she told me if I was really good maybe she would poop for me.

So far it has not happened.  I do sometimes wonder if sex temporarily suppresses other bodily functions we'd really rather not have happen at that time.

I think it's important to remember that many of us providers have probably seen things far worse than the occasional gas or nose blowing-- and not necessarily limited to here in the hobby, either. Life tends to be unpredictable and throw surprises at everyone-- I once had to help my ex when he had a bad case of food poisoning and was vomiting with diarrhea at the same time (and neither were making it into the toilet very well...)  

Personally, none of the things you described would not alarm me, most of them might make me smile or laugh. I'd hope that to be treated the same way - with humor and respect - if I accidentally did something embarrassing in front of a partner. No one deserves to feel bad for being human. And if a someone does make you feel bad, move on to someone who treats you better

I often think about the providers I've had the great fortune to spend time with.  They're...  Different, I don't know how else to put it.  Imagine some guy shows up at your door, and the truth is, he's just not that attractive at all.  And yet most--not all, but most--providers just see you as a human being that needs, and deserves, some lovin'.  They just look inside you and see a person who needs their affection.

But I digress... my point is that some people are more uptight about the physical manifestations of being human, and some are totally at ease with them.  I suspect that providers, just by virtue of their choice to be providers, tend more towards the "at ease" end of the spectrum.  They have to see the human body in a more holistic way than many do, or this job wouldn't really work.  Whether you're a nurse, or a provider, or a LMT, or any physical profession, you have to be a physical person who sees the human body in a pretty natural way or it would be hard to be in someone's space so intimately.

And I consider it to be part of my job as a lady of this business to take things like this in stride. I am not here to make you feel uncomfortable, and something like this is natural. I personally know that I am SUPER embarrassed by my bodies natural functions, and where at times laughter can not be stopped- but I would always try to act graciously, I don't think that there is anything for you to be embarrassed about.