Chicago

Re: Don't misunderstand...I love to have conversations about who you have seen...
sljackson 13 Reviews 318 reads
posted

I totally understand. Sometimes we men find an ATF, and it's apparently that that ladies do too. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I kinda agree with Freya here that it's kinda misleading and confusing if you reach that ATF level and it seems that relationship (let's call it what it is) was just whispers in the dark.  

Then the men argue that we figure she's got other lovers for sure, so there is an attachment there but it's undefined and it has its limits. It's just the nature of the beast.

From my experience personally I like her to know she's a 10 and my ATF, but I try to be conscious of the boundaries of provider and client.
Posted By: Freya Fantasia
I like to learn what you thought of them and learn more about the other ladies in the business, never in a negative way. I just think it's fun. It really IS just making conversation.  
   
 I don't expect Fidelity and I don't want it (well...).  I really do want you guys to have a good time and try a lot of different things. I think it's healthy and I encourage it.    
   
 I don't want you guys to misunderstand my previous post.  
   
 If  I get my feelings hurt, it's usually because somebody implied that I was a favorite or it's somebody who's been seeing me exclusively for a while. That kind of thing. Or, maybe I thought we had a really great connection and  when they just go someplace else I wonder if they did not feel that way, when maybe they are just the kind of guy who likes to see everybody one time.  
   
 Please  don't feel like you need to tip toe around our feelings or be secretive! I was just confessing that sometimes I feel a little bit hurt. And I know I shouldn't and I will get over it. You guys do what you want to do. We are fine.  
   
 Xoxo

dipstick501800 reads

I know the ladies probably aren't going to be honest about this subject and so I am going to ask the guys.  In the past I have asked providers that I have seen many times if they would care if I visited their girlfriends.  Just about all would say that they didn't have a problem with it but once I did it seemed like it bothered them.  I even asked some if it was a problem and they later admitted that it bothered them.  I don't know if it was an ego thing or loss of income but it bothered them.  Was wondering if any of you guys have had the same experience.  Now I don't knowingly see the friends of ladies that I see regularly because it causes problems.

Don't ever bring up other providers unless you are discussing a possible threesome!  

Also, I see friends of other providers because I want to. Why should I get permission from a provider? Plus, I don't discuss other providers when I see a lady. It is simply rude.  

In your case, you seem to share too much info with providers. Time to stop that.

.....this is one of those occupations for providers that is intimate, personal.  Feelings matter, no matter what most say.  Even though they're providing, and it's a paid transaction, and they're seeing far more hobbyists than you're seeing providers............you get the picture.

dipstick50719 reads

On several occasions providers have suggested that I see one of their friends and then the drama starts.  Now I never discuss my encounters with other providers and  I know I don't have to ask for permission but since the providers were sharing the same working space, it was just a courtesy thing to see if it would be a problem.  It never seems to work, at least not for me and so I am done with doing the girlfriends of girlfriends.Lol

There's a reason I do not share in calls with anyone ever forever ever again.  

Too much of someone else knowing who I'm fuckin' and it's just weird. LOL

It is kinda awkward to discuss activities with one provider versus another. Also I'd wanna know what the context of the conversation was. In a certain context a man or woman could take it like you're trying to make jealousy be a factor to get some type of benefit to keep you from seeing someone else. She's still a woman. Might make her feel she's not doing something right.

Not sure how it came about, but I've had providers ask for my TER screen name where they say is for verification, but actually look at reviews to get an idea of what I like and don't like.

Now I may be assuming but if a provider looks at your reviews to take a peek at other girls you visit, then maybe you should reconsider being her client.

dipstick50279 reads

I have had ladies tease me and say that I was cheating on them right after I submitted a new review.  I know that some guys think that some of these ladies are dumb but most are not and they see what is going on.  They read the reviews just like us guys and when they know your TER handle they see who your fucking.Lol Just might be one of their girls.  They also may read that you are doing things to their girl that you are not doing for them!

Yeah. I don't mind it when they are inquiring and getting an insight of how to please me. Even to learn the pet peeves. This is another reason why I don't review every experience. If there's something personal I'd say that could turn another guy off or come off the wrong way from another provider reading my comments when prepping for our date. I like the date to feel authentic. She should be able to know me from our interactions, not how I'd interact with someone else.

Just want to get my 2 cent in.There is plenty of fish in the sea.So there is no reason for a lady to get bothered by you seeing someone else.There are so many men in Chicago and plenty to go around for each and every lady in this business.Mabe you are good looking and they want you all to themselves????

dipstick50491 reads

Thanks for responding Londonbay.  These two particular ladies offered up their girlfriends and when I took their bait they turned on me.Lol  Stopped taking calls and cut me off.

-- Modified on 7/25/2016 9:43:35 PM

And make another girl feel exposed? If that were the case with me, I would let the other girl know immediately that something's up, and I would choose the friendship with the girl over the money.

DS, I hope this doesn't offend you, but the cases of ladies refusing to take calls sounds so extreme that I wonder if there wasn't more going on than "jealousy". If they like you and your money, and they have any self-awareness at all, why would they take the initiative (at least that's how I read your post) to farm you out to friends and lose a good customer? Perhaps they were ready to move on for whatever reason and this was their way of doing so?

So, look. Here's the deal. It's in my best interest to refer my good clients to my closest friends. Why? Because more often than not, a client that sees me is looking for women who have a similar attitude, look, or specialty that's akin to mine.  I call it a "preferred referral network", and it's really great.  You screen with me, or any one of my gals, and you can basically see all of us based on that recommendation (assuming you're not using an outdated reference from anyone).

I want my friends to make money, and I also want my friends to send clients my way as well. Wh would i not give my clients referrals to see the awesome women i work with?

Now, for the non sequitur portion of this post:

The only time referrals (not recommendations!) become a problem is when a client constantly uses my name to see lots of other women and that client has only ever seen me once. Quite a few of us experience this, and  it's one of the many reasons I instated a 6-month referral cut-off.  Guys who had seen me once 2 years ago asking for a reference or using me as a reference without asking? Nah. Guys asking for references for multiple ladies? Sure, I guess, but it makes me wonder why you're using me as a reference instead of the most recent lady seen.

Posted By: MissErinBlack
So, look. Here's the deal. It's in my best interest to refer my good clients to my closest friends. Why? Because more often than not, a client that sees me is looking for women who have a similar attitude, look, or specialty that's akin to mine.  I call it a "preferred referral network", and it's really great.  You screen with me, or any one of my gals, and you can basically see all of us based on that recommendation (assuming you're not using an outdated reference from anyone).  
   
 I want my friends to make money, and I also want my friends to send clients my way as well. Wh would i not give my clients referrals to see the awesome women i work with?  
   
 Now, for the non sequitur portion of this post:  
   
 The only time referrals (not recommendations!) become a problem is when a client constantly uses my name to see lots of other women and that client has only ever seen me once. Quite a few of us experience this, and  it's one of the many reasons I instated a 6-month referral cut-off.  Guys who had seen me once 2 years ago asking for a reference or using me as a reference without asking? Nah. Guys asking for references for multiple ladies? Sure, I guess, but it makes me wonder why you're using me as a reference instead of the most recent lady seen.

I felt like the guys showed a tremendous amount of insight on this subject.  While I know that one of the things you guys pay for is no strings attached, and I believe that with my whole heart,  I can't say it won't hurt my feelings a little bit when you go see my friends.  I would never let you know that, though, because it's unprofessional and immature, but you guys were right.  We are only human and sometimes that can be disappointing..  

On the other hand, I do believe that sharing clients is a great idea from a professional Point of view. Few clients are going to want to stay with one lady. Since they are going to go see other ladies anyways, I want for them to see my friends and I want for my friends clients to come and see me, too.  

Clients come and clients go. When they go, it does not mean they won't be back again. I know this in my head, but I still might feel a sense of loss

I almost wrote this last night(better, but hey this is what you get in the morning from me, lol) but with you asking the guys I felt weird about answering till I saw alot more ladies responding today.

My thoughts are, I always want you to come back and visit me more then anyone else and I will always want that as a provider(that is part of it right), always....  However I do not want to see just 1 guest for the rest of my life so it is completely unrealistic to think that a guest would want to just see me only for the rest of theirs(I do have a few that only visit me or only see others in duo's with me but it is in the low #'s).  Since I know they will want to branch out I would certainly rather they see my friends that I know will furnish them an amazing time, rather then someone I don't who might not be so steller.  Will it hurt my feelings, maybe, but I will get over it and certainly welcome him back with open arms and legs should he choose to come back.

Now there are a few things I don't care for if you are visiting a friend of mine...  I don't need blow by blow of what happened in the session and I certainly do not want to be compared to her.  If she becomes your new ATF, great but I don't need to hear that either.  It isn't that I am jealous, it is that bringing up things like that are just designed to make a woman feel bad about herself and certainly is not going to lead you to a better session with me.  We may ask how it went, but are looking for a general "she was great" and then subject change.  Not a single 1 of us really wants to hear about other ladies unless it was something bad we should be concerned about safety wise.  Alot of guys overshare and some spend the entire session talking about other girls, even comparing them to us(again, not a good idea and I have had it happen more times then I can count).  

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the matter.  I share many guests with my friends, they share many back with me.  It all works out.  

The 1 thing I will say though is that some ladies do get very protective of their guests when times are slow, like now in summer which of course is routinely slow.  The mind set seems to be that money is tight, he should be bringing those $ to me so I can breath easier not my friend because he knew me 1st.  Personally do not get it but have heard about it and know that happens.  There should be no room for jealousy in the industry, but unfortunately it does exist here as well.  

Just my thoughts, honest ones and of course

dipstick50288 reads

Hello ladies,
Thanks for all of your thoughtful responses.  I never meant to exclude the ladies from commenting on this subject, I just thought you wouldn't.  After all, who would know more about this subject than the women.  I am glad that some of the ladies have admitted that they are bothered when their clients leave them for other ladies.  This honesty gives us guys some insight into how the ladies in the profession think and feel and I hope that the guys that are reading this are more cautious or at least more thoughtful when dealing with the friends of the escorts that they see regularly.

I'm wondering if these slightly possessive feelings are rooted strictly in the temporary loss of business or if they tend to be more of a personal nature?  Either way it only shows you value your clients, or at least their business.   Despite the downside for you, I really admire your honesty on this...it shows you're human in a way some of us might not expect.  Kind of nice, IMO.

I once had a girl that was my ATF. And she knew she was. I actually don't mind seeing the same girl if I can find one that seems attuned with my wants and us sexual and secure enough to let me explore a few of hers. Feeds to my GFE fantasy I think and she gets to understand my desires better than starting over and over with a new woman each time. I actually complimented to her that she was unlike any of the other ladies I'd met, and she felt a little offended by that. Where I thought I thought would be a compliment made it awkward for her.

...some want to visit every lady on TER at least one time,  and then there are some kind of in the middle who want to stick with their favorite five or six ladies. It's all good.  

You guys have your fun!  That's what we are here for

Well all I know is if freya is in Chicago I want to see her just because of her honesty and integrity.

Or if I'm recommending a friend from out of state.

But as far as whether or not he saw her on his own, I don't need to know. I kind of feel like I really shouldn't know that the girl saw him and when. That's private information into her life that she hasn't personally shared with me. And I feel like a creep toward my friend.

What I don't like, is when a guy says "I will only see you forever and ever" and then slips that he saw another girl I know, and starts acting skittish like I'm going to get mad at him. To me, that just feels like - this guy thinks I'm a real asshole, or he's up to something. Is he trying to make me look like a JGE? (Jealous Girlfriend Experience). OR it feels like he's trying to get in the middle of my actual friendship with another lady. i.e. testing "how good is your friendship really"?

Believe it or not, there are guys like that. lol.

I don't give a rat's ass if you see someone else. What I do give a rat's ass about is if you act all sneaky about it like I think you're doing something wrong. I'm here to be a short term girlfriend, and would rather not feel like a wife, quite honestly.

It just makes me look bad when you go to another provider and say "Shhhh... Don't tell Courtney I saw you." That makes me look like a petty ass ho, and it can dissolve trust between brewing friendships.  

Just do your thing like it's nobody's business, and if you need a reference, even for a friend - ask me! That's why I have a "friend's" page. We're not married.

Sorry if you're dealing with someone who's acting like you're married. But please don't make me look like I'm the wife who is keeping you from doing what you want to do. Exactly the opposite.

-- Modified on 7/26/2016 10:16:39 AM

It's funny, this came up recently. I was on a business trip, and totally debauching, and the woman I was with asked me if I had seen anyone else while I was there, and the reply choked in my throat. Logically, I knew she was just making conversation and probably didn't care beyond that but all the possible paranoid negatives started screaming in my head, all of them ultimately bullshit.  

I think for me, at that moment, it was the effect of the "girlfriend experience" which was not a checklist of acronyms but rather the genuine intimacy and connection (however momentary and illusory) i was feeling.  

I told her, no names mentioned and none asked for, but the fact of how I initially reacted was interesting, and ultimately silly.

I know most of it is just trying to find common ground, and obviously that's the easiest subject. Then there are references, and ideas for duos and recommendations...

I have done that... then after having it done to me, I started wanting to veer away for the sake of saying the wrong things, and most of all - the mind. My mind can be my worst enemy, so what might bother one person, might not bother the other. :)

I like to learn what you thought of them and learn more about the other ladies in the business, never in a negative way. I just think it's fun. It really IS just making conversation.

I don't expect Fidelity and I don't want it (well...).  I really do want you guys to have a good time and try a lot of different things. I think it's healthy and I encourage it.  

I don't want you guys to misunderstand my previous post.

If  I get my feelings hurt, it's usually because somebody implied that I was a favorite or it's somebody who's been seeing me exclusively for a while. That kind of thing. Or, maybe I thought we had a really great connection and  when they just go someplace else I wonder if they did not feel that way, when maybe they are just the kind of guy who likes to see everybody one time.  

Please  don't feel like you need to tip toe around our feelings or be secretive! I was just confessing that sometimes I feel a little bit hurt. And I know I shouldn't and I will get over it. You guys do what you want to do. We are fine.  

Xoxo

I totally understand. Sometimes we men find an ATF, and it's apparently that that ladies do too. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I kinda agree with Freya here that it's kinda misleading and confusing if you reach that ATF level and it seems that relationship (let's call it what it is) was just whispers in the dark.  

Then the men argue that we figure she's got other lovers for sure, so there is an attachment there but it's undefined and it has its limits. It's just the nature of the beast.

From my experience personally I like her to know she's a 10 and my ATF, but I try to be conscious of the boundaries of provider and client.

Posted By: Freya Fantasia
I like to learn what you thought of them and learn more about the other ladies in the business, never in a negative way. I just think it's fun. It really IS just making conversation.  
   
 I don't expect Fidelity and I don't want it (well...).  I really do want you guys to have a good time and try a lot of different things. I think it's healthy and I encourage it.    
   
 I don't want you guys to misunderstand my previous post.  
   
 If  I get my feelings hurt, it's usually because somebody implied that I was a favorite or it's somebody who's been seeing me exclusively for a while. That kind of thing. Or, maybe I thought we had a really great connection and  when they just go someplace else I wonder if they did not feel that way, when maybe they are just the kind of guy who likes to see everybody one time.  
   
 Please  don't feel like you need to tip toe around our feelings or be secretive! I was just confessing that sometimes I feel a little bit hurt. And I know I shouldn't and I will get over it. You guys do what you want to do. We are fine.  
   
 Xoxo

Posted By: Courtney.Ova
Or if I'm recommending a friend from out of state.  
   
 But as far as whether or not he saw her on his own, I don't need to know. I kind of feel like I really shouldn't know that the girl saw him and when. That's private information into her life that she hasn't personally shared with me. And I feel like a creep toward my friend.  
   
 What I don't like, is when a guy says "I will only see you forever and ever" and then slips that he saw another girl I know, and starts acting skittish like I'm going to get mad at him. To me, that just feels like - this guy thinks I'm a real asshole, or he's up to something. Is he trying to make me look like a JGE? (Jealous Girlfriend Experience). OR it feels like he's trying to get in the middle of my actual friendship with another lady. i.e. testing "how good is your friendship really"?  
   
 Believe it or not, there are guys like that. lol.  
   
 I don't give a rat's ass if you see someone else. What I do give a rat's ass about is if you act all sneaky about it like I think you're doing something wrong. I'm here to be a short term girlfriend, and would rather not feel like a wife, quite honestly.  
   
 It just makes me look bad when you go to another provider and say "Shhhh... Don't tell Courtney I saw you." That makes me look like a petty ass ho, and it can dissolve trust between brewing friendships.  
   
 Just do your thing like it's nobody's business, and if you need a reference, even for a friend - ask me! That's why I have a "friend's" page. We're not married.  
   
 Sorry if you're dealing with someone who's acting like you're married. But please don't make me look like I'm the wife who is keeping you from doing what you want to do. Exactly the opposite.

-- Modified on 7/26/2016 10:16:39 AM

No one will believe me except clients who have seen me and providers I know.

I honestly do not mind / get upset / freak out or do any of that if a client sees another provider.  

Why wouldn't he?  Seriously.  This is about exploration and fun.  It's not a slam on me if he sees someone else, it means that he wants to explore which for some can be the whole point of this.  

I often recommend providers I know to people I see.  And I mean it.  I assume that clients who see me are looking for erotic adventure - and that includes variety.  

I have a network of reputable providers I know and trust - some with my agency, some independent, some UTR.  Networking also provides discretion and safety for both us and the clients.  If I recommend someone to a client I think he/she is great...and I only recommend those I know are trustworthy providers.  Its an awesome circle.

There is more than enough money to go around, and just because a client sees someone else doesn't mean we didn't have a great time.

Now, if a provider takes my marketing - that's gonna be a big 'ol problem.  But sharing clients? Or a client deciding his ATF is someone I know? Rock on.  

Explore.  Adventure

bottleservice319 reads

why would it bother you at all if he sees another woman? you see other men, right? this biz is supposed to be a fantasy, it's called GF "experience" not GF "reality"  i never even thought this would be a problem until i started reading this post, (and another one i think was on the general discussion page). are we like hair stylists that get upset that our client is "cheating" on us by seeing somebody else at the salon?  we are all human and emotions are perfectly natural but c'mon... put on your big-girl pants.

so many ladies want references. well what if i give you a reference and it happens to be your BFF? what if you check a guy's p411 page for list of OKs and you see your GF on there. what are you going to think? if you one more exclusivity, then try some type of arrangement seeking dating website.  

now some ladies here made some good points... no need to divulge details b/c that's nobody's business and it's tacky. maybe this biz ain't your cup of tea.  

just my opinion... hope i don't get roasted ;)

You're absolutely right it shouldn't bother them that he sees other women because she does have other visitors as well. It seems there is a couple interesting dynamics playing out though. Sage and Freya kinda touch on that there is some sort of bond that she has with you as a client and that feeling of unbeknownst belittling is present when the graphic concept of another provider is in the mix. I mean wouldn't it be kinda rude and unprofessional if she talked about her other male client's visits with that same provider on your new friends list? There's also something to be said about having a great time with "you" and keeping the outside, outside, it's just professionalism. Then there is the $$$ dynamic. Of course they want their friends to do well and there seems to be a Sisterhood amongst providers, but if you give all your riches to the rest of the world then what would you have left for yourself.

You don't really see businesses offering their competitors their dividends just because their competitors aren't doing so well at the moment. To Courtney's point earlier I see providers market for doubles on their website, but I don't see them NOT marketing themselves.

I'm rarely in one place for long, or very often because I'm almost entirely a touring provider, so if a gent asks for a recommendation and I give him details of friends I genuinely hope he'll see them. It works both ways too as I've had bookings from other ladies recommending me. I think girls who are secure in themselves and have good solid bookings and their finances in order are only too happy to share clients and help other ladies succeed, and clients see good providers.
I imagine really young girls would be more likely to get possessive over clients and stress about losing them to other providers?

....if he doesn't but again if you're still THAT GOOD then you can find someone to replace him (just like he replaced you).

#DONE

I am not the jealous type, but I have ran into some issues with a few ladies that seemed to get very territorial if one of their regulars wanted to see me or if they found out a guy was seeing other providers. I think it all depends on the lady.

We are not freaking married! I don't own you. That is why you come to me.No strings attached, FFS.
:D

bottleservice270 reads

this ended up being a good thread and glad we are discussing this.  

it's not cool of a guy lies and says stuff like, you're the only one i see and pretends you all have this great connection and it's BS. didn't occur to me that somebody would even bother lying about that kind of stuff since i've never done that. in that case, yeah i get it. maybe you think you did something wrong that made him branch out when in fact that's not the case. hope very few guys actually do this cuz that's just not nice. thanks to the ladies that chimed in.  

-- Modified on 7/28/2016 4:43:53 PM

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