My first and strangest date of 2016

It was a dark and stormy night.  I was driving home from playing badminton with Barack Obama at Will Smith's house.  Feeling drained and with $25,000 cash burning a hole in my suitcase, I decided to call it a day and sleep early.  However, my phone lights up and I get a text message from an unknown number.  Suspecting that it was one of the many celebrities that want to sleep with me, I told my butler to take over the wheel so I could take a look.  It was not a celebrity but from the top provider in LA.  How she got my number I'll never know.  I began to read...

Draped in masonic poetry and references to the works of Friedrich Nietzsche, I texted her back.  I asked her if we could meet and she responded kindly to my advances with smiley faces galore, texting me her address.  My butler, who is a robot that I built with my own hands, was immediately privy to the conversation and rerouted me to ma'lady's domicile.  

Nervously I approached her door and knocked.  The door creaked open and in my presence was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.  Long glowing auburn locks of hair and azure eyes she beckoned me to her whim without a single word uttered.  She knew all of my thoughts:

"come hither young man"

My body shuttered.  Sweat formed on my body.  My hands shook with nervous excitement.  I walked over to the table to place my donation.  On the table was a copy of Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess.  What a coincidence.  I opened my suitcase and showed her...

"You're also reading Green Eggs and Ham?  What are the odds", she whispered.

We discussed the metaphors and innuendos of the classic book, over a bottle of 10,000 year old wine which miraculously appeared out of nowhere.  We sat on her couch and began to makeout to the sounds of Kenny G blaring from her iphone.  Her lips were soft as marshmallows, her body as chiseled as the marbles of the pantheon.  We made love for 4 hours.  Our hands were all over each other, our tongues danced, our hair entangled in an embrace.  She smelled of lilac and gooseberries.  I could not get enough of her.  Slowly I fell into a deep sleep...

I awoke in a haze and she was gone.  The envelope was gone.  Unbeknownst to me, I had developed feelings for this girl.  How could she leave without saying goodbye?  My heart was broken.

I went to my phone to text her but I was taken aback...her texts were gone.  No record of ever having a conversation.  No sign of her clothes or any evidence of her ever being in the room. I ran to my suitcase and opened it, fearing I've been robbed.  Inside was a pink envelope with a note.  It smelled of lilac and gooseberries.

"I could never take money from you.  You've taken my heart and it is now yours.  See you in another life"

There was $1,000,000 in unmarked notes in my suitcase.  And the sender of that envelope?

Albert Einstein.