If they're the asker, it's easy, but in this case he's only said, essentially, "Well if you get bored this weekend." and things like that.
I get that a lot, but- he's pretty new in town, single, about my age, and I think would be fun to hang out with. However, I don't have time for an actual boyfriend anyway and if it came down to it, I'd rather have a really pleasant appointment a time or two a month.
I haven't thought about whether or not there would be any action if we went out, but I'm not a "waiting proves something" kind of girl in the first place. I'm also not a "you've got to take a chance on love" kind of girl either.
So, any practical pointers, phrasing, etc on how I can have my cake and eat it too?
(I'm greedy, I know this. 
)
.....you said you think he'd be fun to hang out with. Enough said. Enjoy dinner, site seeing, or whatever hanging out means to you. Works out far more often than you might think.
Disagree. Compartmentalize! Combining business and pleasure is sure to ultimately diminish both one's business AND one's pleasure
while everyone is different, I've learned that compartmentalization is crucial for my overall well-being. It's definitely not easy to do, but boundaries are really important.
Id be interested to know your decision and how it unfolds. Good luck, whatever you decide!
Just make sure you establish boundaries before committing. If you still expect to be paid for BCD time, then let him know that so as not to create an awkward situation at the end of the night. Otherwise hang, have fun and enjoy his company.
a client will look to get action for sure especially if it is free.
Posted By: StapleCenter
.....you said you think he'd be fun to hang out with. Enough said. Enjoy dinner, site seeing, or whatever hanging out means to you. Works out far more often than you might think.
There's the rub. He's been to the mountain, and it's gonna be damn tough to tell him you're not climbing that mountain now.
Two things could happen: You decide to throw caution to the wind and enjoy yourself and enjoy the moment.
Or, if things head in that direction, you let him know the date/meeting or whatever you call it, has now become 'business' -- sure to be a buzzkill.
Either way, dating a client sounds like a recipe for disaster at worse, and confusion at best.
But, hey, darling, whatever turns you on. You may be able to make it work perfectly.
Bottom line, have fun and take care of yourself....but I am sure you already know that.
If it goes well, great. If not, call it a night and move on. I don't see a down side. If you think he will take advantage of this new "friendship", you can tell him your feelings. Good luck you two lovebirds!
Personally, I do not offer ANY sex time off the clock... you pay for that shit. I do however extend many of my regulars, offer them OTC time and discount them for overnights should they fly to me. The only way you are really going to lose their business is if you are fking them for nothing, in which case you've become what people in real life call a slut lol.
You are also in a business where other providers are here to work, while you're deciding to give the shit away. Might just try adult friend finder being this is a pay for play arena, not some hookup game.
i love sluts..
Posted By: London Rayne
Personally, I do not offer ANY sex time off the clock... you pay for that shit. I do however extend many of my regulars, offer them OTC time and discount them for overnights should they fly to me. The only way you are really going to lose their business is if you are fking them for nothing, in which case you've become what people in real life call a slut lol.
You are also in a business where other providers are here to work, while you're deciding to give the shit away. Might just try adult friend finder being this is a pay for play arena, not some hookup game.
Looking at how guys review around here, they're not just looking to see one lady.
Just like guys who like to sext, do free OTC time, etc. They have their hookers categorized as such:
"This girl likes to email and PM, so she's my hooker pen pal."
"And this girl likes to fuck me for free, so she's my hooker hook up for free."
"And this girl charges $1,000 minimum, and I've always wanted to see her, and now I'm saving $500-$1,000/month on this other girl. So hell, this $1,000 lady is now my new lady I pay."
"This lady will fulfill my OTC dinner banter to get me revved up for tomorrow morning with my ATF hour appointment."
"Now I have four ladies for the price of one, and I get the equivalent of a sugar baby with four different colors of hair!"
Sorry boys if I gave away anyone's secrets!
My ATF frequently spends off the clock time with me. I started seeing her in 2006 and we have established a friendship We keep boundaries clear, If we were getting together to hang ( movie, lunch / dinner, shop ) then thats all we did on those days.
If you plan on having sex off the clock you will more than likely lose him as a client, but as London noted you can have a fk buddy
During my brief periods of being unattached. Now I mostly get paid for it, which is pretty freaking cool and definitely raises the bar on who I might see uncompensated. He totally meets that bar. Just sayin.
Why can't this also be my hookup game...? I would say dating game, because cash is definitely the least costly way to see me, lol, but regardless. I didn't approach *your* client and offer something for free, I approached *my* client, so there's literally no way I'm affecting the P4P market overall with this move.
It sounds like you're just flatly against regular dating of any kind and truly, you seem pretty angry about it. I've been through a few "fuck you, pay me" periods myself, mostly when I was very sad about something I really wanted. This business is great for turning heartache into cash into happy again (with a fresh pile of cash). Godspeed if you're on that path at the moment. I may be lining myself up for it as we speak, but I'm kind of persistent like that.
No, I am not against regular dating whilst doing this if your vagina can handle that kind of volume and if both parties share common ground. You asked if seeing someone off the clock would affect your business with him... the answer is obvious. If he STOPS PAYING YOU, duh... you've lost his business. Nothing wrong with making a client a fk buddy if that's what you're into. However, when you use TER to promote your freebie shit, well then it becomes comical... not that 'you' personally are doing that but in general. This is not a free hookup site, though we all know many providers barter and give away shit for high review scores, now don't we?
I don't date guys who once paid to fk me, but more power to you if that's what you're into. I also do not believe in traditional relationships or living together, and I would never personally try to date someone seriously whilst being a damn hooker, because any guy who would think that was somehow cool that his girl was out sucking strange d*ck all day, would not be the type of guy I would ever date. I would fk him and get drunk with him, but nothing else.
Posted By: MissMarieM
During my brief periods of being unattached. Now I mostly get paid for it, which is pretty freaking cool and definitely raises the bar on who I might see uncompensated. He totally meets that bar. Just sayin.
Why can't this also be my hookup game...? I would say dating game, because cash is definitely the least costly way to see me, lol, but regardless. I didn't approach *your* client and offer something for free, I approached *my* client, so there's literally no way I'm affecting the P4P market overall with this move.
It sounds like you're just flatly against regular dating of any kind and truly, you seem pretty angry about it. I've been through a few "fuck you, pay me" periods myself, mostly when I was very sad about something I really wanted. This business is great for turning heartache into cash into happy again (with a fresh pile of cash). Godspeed if you're on that path at the moment. I may be lining myself up for it as we speak, but I'm kind of persistent like that.
I just wanted to say, I was a slut too.
If you want to hook up with a guy you had an appointment with, and date him- more power to you! If he is mature, your type, and could potentially be understanding about what you do- I think you have all the bases covered. It takes out the awkward explanation of what you do for a living.
Posted By: MissMarieM
During my brief periods of being unattached. Now I mostly get paid for it, which is pretty freaking cool and definitely raises the bar on who I might see uncompensated. He totally meets that bar. Just sayin.
Why can't this also be my hookup game...? I would say dating game, because cash is definitely the least costly way to see me, lol, but regardless. I didn't approach *your* client and offer something for free, I approached *my* client, so there's literally no way I'm affecting the P4P market overall with this move.
It sounds like you're just flatly against regular dating of any kind and truly, you seem pretty angry about it. I've been through a few "fuck you, pay me" periods myself, mostly when I was very sad about something I really wanted. This business is great for turning heartache into cash into happy again (with a fresh pile of cash). Godspeed if you're on that path at the moment. I may be lining myself up for it as we speak, but I'm kind of persistent like that.
Is pretty key. I've just started dating someone else and when I just tossed out an escort joke, he said that isn't funny, those women are abused and I'd never be a part of anything so disgusting.
Soooooo... Moving on.
I think awkward might be an under-statement. LOL. When I think awkward, I think of a time when a girl I dated told me she had a lot of moles. Not to steer things too far off-topic.
.....that you are overanalyzing. sure there are many viable and logical reasons to go either way. but interpersonal relationships are not built on logic. do what you think works for you at the moment. you may gain a friend, you may lose a client, you may get both or you may wind up with neither. but life is about taking a chance, isn't it?
Once it's out of your hands, there's a large possibility that you won't be getting it back. If you think in your head that it's a gift, but they think of it as a loan - if you don't get it back, you've already accepted that. If they do give it back, it's a pleasant surprise.
This only works in the loan department if you have enough money that you don't really 'feel' the loss. Same goes for sex here.
I personally don't do the free sex thing - in fact - as soon as a guy starts suggesting it, I'm already starting to replace him... even if I like him... simply because it's not something I want to manage, and eventually I'll get pissed off that he's paying other women and fucking me for free.
I wouldn't - you're gorgeous, I've met you on multiple occasions, and you're a jack pot. I would keep it separate - guys would love love love to bang you outside of here.
But that's just me - it all depends on what you want.
-- Modified on 9/3/2015 6:23:33 PM
Here's how you work the OTC angle. Charge a higher than average rate or have a two hour minimum. Market yourself as "exclusive." "upscale," "low volume" etc.
After fucking, hint that you'd love to go to dinner. The dupe will be delighted that you're giving him free OTC time. If you soaked the sap enough for the appointment, your rates pretty much take care of the OTC time. Best of all the sap thought he got "free" OTC time. It's a good way to cultivate loyal saps/regulars.
Work the angles and bleed those saps. Bleed them dry!
You CAN have your cake and eat it.
So I'm not sure I could use that, unless your actual advice is to tap my fingers together and cackle "Muaaaaaaaahahahaha!"
We all understand that this is your business but sometimes would just like to hang out without being on the clock. Good idea and he will more likely want to increase his other visits.
This feels a little odd because I truly have no idea if he reads these boards or not, but I did read and take in everyone's advice so I feel like you're due the update.
First, he didn't ask for OTC time. That was the crux of the question, how can I go about offering a little without unintentionally offering the same "services" for free.
Second, I seriously doubt he is under financial constraints and he is single (so his spending isn't being supervised). If I don't charge for time, it isn't "freeing up funds" for other women, I think he could do that anyway. Also, he hadn't seen anyone before me. I believe that because it meant he had to go through a pretty long screening.
I don't have a limited amount of sex... I mean, I have a personal limit on the number of hours I'll work in a week and I still have time and libido left over. Plus, to be honest, I get plenty of male attention overall, but not very much during prime "family time" hours. I'd like someone to date.
And the most important factor, he just feels really nice to be with.
So when I saw him today, I asked him out. Then I told him that if he wants to stop by during the work day, that would be great and I would consider it very pleasant business. If we go out, it isn't business. (And to you guys, of course I would sleep with him. Because I want to.) I'm happy with that.
Some people think of these guys as guys who just dream their whole lives that they'll get some pussy. And if they find one free one, they'll never want to pay again. NOT. Most like variety, and are avoiding a girlfriend - hence, why they even pay "to watch her eat". No one's business is going to fall because you decided you wanted to grab something that makes you feel good. And if you lose him, he's replaceable, as long as he doesn't start to think you're going to be available for his free time over paid time with others.
I've made a few friends over time, not any fuck buddies, but common interests and resources that make the communication natural. Unfortunately, I've noticed those guys do tend to stop seeing me as a provider, tell me I'm more of a friend and we should just do OTC time out, and go pay someone else for the sex. So yeah I try to stay away from that, but have a few lingering friends who say hello every now and then.
I tried that OTC sex thing a couple years ago when I was new. Yeah I fell asleep while he was having sex with me. Needless to say, I lost him as a client LOL. Never did that again. In fact, the rule is not to touch me at all should any otc exist. I've had guys help me pick out guitars, take me to computer stores to help me figure out what I needed, I think I even had a guy go shopping with me and help me decide on shoes. He did pay for everything though hahaha. That was nice.
The goal is no OTC time so we can keep that boundary very very clear on both sides. The line can get blurry both for women and for men, since we're human and have human desires. But sometimes people get lucky, and I say do what you want to do. Just because I personally wouldn't, and even feel I have good reason to, doesn't mean I'm telling others not to.
As long as you are happy with your decision, then that is what is important! I hope it works out for you!
Posted By: MissMarieM
This feels a little odd because I truly have no idea if he reads these boards or not, but I did read and take in everyone's advice so I feel like you're due the update.
First, he didn't ask for OTC time. That was the crux of the question, how can I go about offering a little without unintentionally offering the same "services" for free.
Second, I seriously doubt he is under financial constraints and he is single (so his spending isn't being supervised). If I don't charge for time, it isn't "freeing up funds" for other women, I think he could do that anyway. Also, he hadn't seen anyone before me. I believe that because it meant he had to go through a pretty long screening.
I don't have a limited amount of sex... I mean, I have a personal limit on the number of hours I'll work in a week and I still have time and libido left over. Plus, to be honest, I get plenty of male attention overall, but not very much during prime "family time" hours. I'd like someone to date.
And the most important factor, he just feels really nice to be with.
So when I saw him today, I asked him out. Then I told him that if he wants to stop by during the work day, that would be great and I would consider it very pleasant business. If we go out, it isn't business. (And to you guys, of course I would sleep with him. Because I want to.) I'm happy with that.
and I can speak from personal experience that with the right guy you can have anything from a serious LTR to a good client that you share some enjoyable personal time with, or anything in between.
I will also agree that you doing the inviting puts a whole different spin on it than a guy "asking for freebies" and if you two hit it off, you might find that you can balance "paid for BCD time" with "OTC out on the town time" successfully as long as you make your wishes known clearly
Enjoy life, enjoy his company. We do need personal time as well, we are human as well & not robots as some want to think of us. I do not date any civies or care to, I do spend extra time with my favorites & life for me is balanced much better. Im about the personal connections I make in life. I've met a few great dear friends this way & I know I can contact them if I need guidance or something along those lines, so go ahead & make a new friend, but you have to make things clear be upfront with men what you request, they do respect you & your boundaries, or at least it works for me. Enjoy
They did not lose my business. OTC was always without sex.
I know this top ic has been beaten to death, but Iwas really interested in this subject.
I used to hang out off the clock with a provider all the time. Really became good friends with her. It wasn't at all awkward. She was totally freaking cool and we had fun just doing random shit together.
Being a little older (in my 40's) , I would say that the most valuable thing you can ever acquire in life is friends. And I don't mean that in just a corny Hallmark card way. Most any opportunity (career or otherwise) will come because you're friends with someone who knows someone.
It's not who you blow -- it's who you know. If you want to be successful and happy in life, make as many friends as you possibly can
And, if every provider became friends with every MARRIED man she fks for money, we would have no more hobby... just the way it is. I have been tempted to see quite a few of my guys OTC, but being I work so little to begin with, that would just be stupid. For every guy I fked for free, I would have to fk another one to make up for it... sorry, don't need the volume. Now, if you mean drinking and going to dinner OTC after he has paid for an appt. sure, why not? Do it all the time when traveling.
you're opening yourself up to a lot of influence. I say, be very selective with the people who come in and out of your life on a personal level. And nourish those relationships.
Speaking from experience, it can be done without losing business. I have done it with a provider in the past for over two years. It never stopped appointments and there was never any expectation of freebies. If it happened (which it did often by mutual choice) it was great. Many times we just had fun together. Sadly it ended because she moved to Vermont. I remember those times often and fondly.
Posted By: MissMarieM
If they're the asker, it's easy, but in this case he's only said, essentially, "Well if you get bored this weekend." and things like that.
I get that a lot, but- he's pretty new in town, single, about my age, and I think would be fun to hang out with. However, I don't have time for an actual boyfriend anyway and if it came down to it, I'd rather have a really pleasant appointment a time or two a month.
I haven't thought about whether or not there would be any action if we went out, but I'm not a "waiting proves something" kind of girl in the first place. I'm also not a "you've got to take a chance on love" kind of girl either.
So, any practical pointers, phrasing, etc on how I can have my cake and eat it too?
(I'm greedy, I know this.
)
