Chocolate and wesson oil. Explain to me in WHAT bloody universe that's even in the same zip code as sexy?
Now everyone in this hobby, on either side, has their share of horror stories - a woman who turns in an unsatisfactory time because you were the guy who decided to TOFTT, men with personal hygiene worse than a lemur's - and we all share them through reviews. Here's what I'm wondering - what's the FUNNIEST thing that's ever happened to you on a date? Obviously this is open to both providers and hobbyists - I'm curious what situations have arisen during dates that are so outlandish, weird, or outright funny that you laughed at it then and laugh at it now (or maybe you laugh at it just in hindsight - but it's been a long day today and I need some good laughter - I think we could all use it right about now).
I'll start off - so I had an ATF who was completely UTR for about four months - no reviews, websites, ads, anything like that - just a younger spinner married woman who's husband was a long haul truck driver who loved having fun on the side and figured she loved it so much she wanted to try and see if there was any extra income to be had. It was an acquaintance recommendation. In our first meeting we were truly into each other and having a very VERY good time - we were on the exact same wavelength in terms of what we loved doing. So we were in a wooden chair in her kitchen, and she had her feet planted and was doing some bouncing. And it kept increasing in intensity - I mean it was getting truly outrageous, I was holding on for dear life. If there had been neighbors the cops probably would have been called. And then - two legs on the chair broke at almost the exact same time, sending us spilling to the ground in an absolute heap. At first there was a look of "WTF"? which soon turned into an uncontrollable laughter that lasted 10 minutes.
And yes, I helped her in replacing the chair, before you ask.
OK -share your funny stories folks!
... was in mish position with gal I was with in college, and in hte middle of our intensity, I let a really loud fart rip- we both looked at each other with astonishment, and I said 'jet propulsion!' and whe broke out into the loudest, longest belly laugh, we both laughed so much I lost my erection!
another time, I was spending the weekend at her folks home- we snuck away to the guest room where I stayed when there- anyway, here we are in mish again, and it was a bookcase bed- as we are thrusting, I notice a lamp on the bed is about to fall off on the floor from all our activity- so I stop, still copulated, reach up, and put the lamp back- again, belly laughs- we had to stop and get dressed to keep her parents from hearing us! I can just imagine the question- 'how did the lamp break'?
It was all over 30 years ago- damn I feel old!
So I had a regular friend a few years ago. He sent me a text telling me he was bringing sensual oils and a plastic sheet. I can dig it....nothing crazy just fun right. Now keep this in mind "John" is a pretty big guy...6'5" & approximately 300 lbs. So John comes in with a shit eatin' grin on his face and a bag of wtf kinda fun in his hand. I'm laying on the bed in the sexy, come fuck me position...John's making hard core eye contact as he proceeds to strip down to a black THONG...I am trying really hard not to lmao at this point...Then he grabs the bag...This clown pulled out Wesson oil and Nestlé chocolate sauce in a squeeze bottle....This my friends was a gahd dayem fucktastrophe....I had Wesson oil in my eyes and my mouth...I had sticky chocolate in my freaking hair....now I can't see him...Seriously that image of a greasy giant in a black thong ruined my mojo for quite a while
LMAO, all he needed was flour and eggs, you could have made brownies !!
Lol wasn't thinking about brownies at the time Vern
Chocolate and wesson oil. Explain to me in WHAT bloody universe that's even in the same zip code as sexy?
It's not even remotely close to sexy but the thong was the real kicker