I believe the key word here is fantasy/phantasy. I was "fired" by my ATF about four months ago and up until recently, did not know why. At that time we had or I thought we had something special beyond the typical hobbyist/provider relationship and I also was infatuated with her. We hung out together "off the clock", I spent the night several times "off the clock" with no sex and was treated more like a friend instead of a client. I have since hooked up with her again (oh yea,life is good!) and ask her why she had "fired" me. She indirectly told me that it had to do with the money or lack there of I had paid for her time. I won't make that mistake again! After analyzing the situation and her answer, I have come to the conclusion what many "seasoned" hobbyist already know, It's all a fantasy/phantasy and one must look at the relationship with a provider from that point of view or they will become emotionally and financially broke. Do I think she cares for me? Yes. Do I think she loves me? Don't know. Women are the most beautiful and complex creatures put on this earth, rather they be a civvie or provider, men have yet to understand or figure them out, after thousands of years.
-- Modified on 7/8/2006 8:36:34 AM
with a provider? The guy can't stop thinking of her and she professes affection for the guy. It's not just the sex, which is fabulous. The guy just can't spend enough time with her, talking, cuddling, exchanging views, and on all levels they seem to be compatible, even though there is 20 years' difference in ages and some difference in backgrounds. What to do?
If so, consider the pros and cons of such a relationship, but if you can handle the drawbacks, then let church bells chime and angels sing. Mazel-tov to you.
If not, drop it right now and find someone else before you do something crazy.
Good grief, Inside Straight,
This must be the "I've fallen in Love with a Provider and Can't Stop myself from Thinking Straight Inside Week!"
In all seriousness, at this point, many other readers of this board understand your problem and can empathize, but if you peruse earlier threads, you will see that many times, it's a projection and a futile effort at best, and a real disaster at worst.
A dose of reality would simply be to ask her out (if you're single - if not, then we've got other issues) and NOT pay for the sex. Hey, if she also wants to be your girlfriend and reciprocate the infatuation you feel for her, this shouldn't be a problem! And, like many other love-struck guys who end up doing things for providers, please turn the tables and make sure she does things for you. Like pick up the tab 50% of the time, fix little things in the house, etc. Or, considering the difference in your backgrounds (was that educational level too, or just breeding stock?) let her bone up on whatever your expertise is in,so that you can have fascinating conversations....'cause it shoudldn't just be the sex, right?
At this point, you're probably asking where the empathic Love Goddess has gone...and she's right here. But my DEAR Inside Straight, you need to get straight. If you really, really think there's a chance that this might work - and I don't mean for you to break up your family if you have one, please, please, don't do that just yet - then let HER make the first move. Please don't go chasin'. I don't advocate it in civvy life and I certainly don't suggest it with providers. You must understand that it's her JOB to make you fall in love with her. If she's great at what she does, that's exactly what will happen. But try to work through it. See if she'll see you off the clock for nothing. When that happens, report back to us and you'll get further instructions. I guarantee that there are plenty of very savvy hobbyists on the board who will guide your next move.
Nuttin' but tough love from this one,
the Love Goddess
The guy doesn't have a family anymore and he understands that the age difference, the difference in background and such factors make the relationship a very probable non-starter, but he just can't stop thinking of her. He also recognizes the truth of the adage that there's no fool like an old fool, and he hates to be foolish.
Hmm..."he just can't stop thinking of her." Well, thinking never hurt anyone. Have nice phantasies, but leave it at that. And after 6 months of thinking of her, maybe his thoughts will go in another direction. Or go through some serious behavior modification. Start with snapping a rubber band around his [or is it your?] wrist every time she comes up in the mind. Or better yet, donate 25 bucks or more to a charity every time she comes up.
Quite frankly, it's not the age, it's the situation in general. But on the other hand, it's a good thing he still CAN get this infatuated. That means it could happen with someone more "suitable." And I'm not saying this because she's a provider, there are plenty of inappropriate civvies as well. But the situation and the fact that her job is to make him feel this way puts a certain spin of inauthenticity to the matter...
What do other hobbyists say,
the Love Goddess
Let me take a stab at this.
I started having 'feelings' for my ATF provider not too long ago. We really clicked in the bedroom - like I have with no other woman including my SO. She would say things like I was her 'daily treat.' She even said that I was like her 'Lloyd Dobler' (a Say Anything reference)
I decided that I needed to take a step back and think critically about the situation. I pictured how a date with her would go. I thought about the differences inour background (of which there were many). Call me a coward, but I just could not go through with it after that visioning hiw things might go. Imagine throwing your life away only to learn that your 'feelings' were not truly reciprocated. For me that was enough.
I unfortunately have stopped seeing that provider. But I still think fondly of her and would give her the highest of reviews. Maybe you could stop seeing your provider for a while amd see how you feel. Make a concerted effort to not give in to impulses - because you will have them. Let some time go by and see how you feel. You owe it to yourself and her.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Inside Straight, I have to agree with jsd here: Stop seeing her. It doesn't have to be forever, but take some serious time off from her - a couple of months - at least. Give your head time to clear. It probably couldn't hurt to see someone else in the meantime, too, so your ATF isn't the only one in your thoughts.
Watch your wallet! You can tell when love is over.
Well... I say be careful of your heart, and don't expect anything more than what you've got, a relationship of purchased time when things are wonderful, because that's the way the fantasy is supposed to be. If there is to be more, she has to lead the way, but don't expect it.
I believe the key word here is fantasy/phantasy. I was "fired" by my ATF about four months ago and up until recently, did not know why. At that time we had or I thought we had something special beyond the typical hobbyist/provider relationship and I also was infatuated with her. We hung out together "off the clock", I spent the night several times "off the clock" with no sex and was treated more like a friend instead of a client. I have since hooked up with her again (oh yea,life is good!) and ask her why she had "fired" me. She indirectly told me that it had to do with the money or lack there of I had paid for her time. I won't make that mistake again! After analyzing the situation and her answer, I have come to the conclusion what many "seasoned" hobbyist already know, It's all a fantasy/phantasy and one must look at the relationship with a provider from that point of view or they will become emotionally and financially broke. Do I think she cares for me? Yes. Do I think she loves me? Don't know. Women are the most beautiful and complex creatures put on this earth, rather they be a civvie or provider, men have yet to understand or figure them out, after thousands of years.
-- Modified on 7/8/2006 8:36:34 AM
25 years ago I met and ultimately married a provider-we have had some interesting times but...I have never brought up her "Past Life" and when she would from time to time-I chose not to pursue it-I think it bothered her more than me-We had a great relationship and I lost her 4 years ago fter 21 years of marriage to an automobile accident-It doesn't work for a lot of folks-but it did for us. We were both caucasian-we were of similar educational levels-I was 3 years older than her. So in the Civilian World we were compatible-But....don't just follow your heart-use your head and take the advice of those whispering in your ear! Good Luck!
"A dose of reality would simply be to ask her out (if you're single - if not, then we've got other issues) and NOT pay for the sex."-Love Godess
In the civvie world this also is true. If I stopped paying for most of the dates and buying my SO gifts or a husband stops supporting his wife, do you think she is going to stick around long? I don't think so!
Just my 2 cents
Good points, 2nd2nun,
but some women who truly love their men will stick with them through thick and thin. In this case, we wanted to validate an initial willingness to avoid the commercial transaction at all. Whether she'd get gifts later (or not) is immaterial in this case. My bet is that she would prefer the money upfront, but of course I don't know the lady in question, so I could be wrong.
As to husbands supporting their wives...plenty of them don't. Many husbands lose their jobs and their wives don't leave them. I guess that's an exception to your rule...
Hope you'll experience it some day,
the Love Goddess
First of all, feelings must be mutual. I assume they are not, otherwise this senario would not be posted in the first place.
However, if the provider is willing to change her lifestyle, to be with you, then by all means, persue it. If you can have a relationship with her while she "provides" companionship to others, and there are no jealous feelings, then I applaud you, (and her).
Otherwise, get out of the relationship. It will only lead to harm, one way or another. Run, don't walk.
TBM
15 years ago, I found myself in love with a client and he with me. We eventually married and are still together today. The key is an open and totally honest relationship, mutual respect and total acceptance.
I met mine 7 years old and we are still happily married and have a little girl. Things could not be better. Of course she is not longer a provider and is teaching at your nieghborhood blue ribbon school. Crazy how things happen for a reason. I agree with you....don't judge, be open minded, and use common sense!!!!! She is the best mom, wife, and LOVER. Still sucks my cock everynight!!!!!!
stop paying her and see what happens. The love will fade fast, trust me.
...once I "blow my load" the feeling similarly dissipates. I can't help but wonder if this fellow isn't one of those chaps I've heard about who pays through the nose for an hour of banter.
My advice would be for this gentleman would be to cut his sessions down to once-per-month as I do (due to my limited means) and then see if he still feels like spending his hour chatting, cuddling, and connecting.
-- Modified on 7/18/2006 4:56:29 AM