PINOCCHIO

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would  sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex.  Pinocchico, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help.  Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
town and asked him, "How's  the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied,  "Who needs
a girlfriend?"

CINDERELLA

Cinderella wants to go to the ball,  but her wicked stepmother won't let
her.  As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears,and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go
to the ball, but only on two conditions.  "First, you must wear a
diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees.  "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by
2a.m.  Any  later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.  The appointed hour comes and goes,
and Cinderella doesn't show up.  Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up,
looking love-struck and **very** satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairygodmother.  "Your diaphragm was
supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
"I can't remember, exactly...Peter Peter, something or other..."


MICKEY MOUSE

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce  court and the judge said to
Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied,   "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."


SNOW WHITE

Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind
him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face screaming, "Lie
to me! Lie to me!"


RED RIDING HOOD

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big
Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat,
said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and
pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not!
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"