its really hard fo some to seperate what we do from who we are.
Its delicate.
I was in a pretty good relationship with a former client we had it goin on for a few yrs it was good. In the end we were going in different directions. Had nothing to do with this biz it was just the way things happened.
It can and does work for some here but like any relationship its work and this biz can be another strain on a relationship.
All I can tell you is follow your heart and stay or go theres no right or wrong its all up to you.
I wish you peace in this choice you make.
Toodles
Nic
To preface, I've been in the hobby for almost 7 years now. I've had a few bad experiences but mostly good ones with a few great encounters. For the last year, I've been wanting to see just one provider for the consistency and intimacy. I finally found a unique someone that I enjoy visiting regularly and am finding myself getting too emotionally attached - likewise on the other end. I find myself missing her more than I should, thinking about her more than I should, and dreaming about her more than I should.
My plan is to visit her one last time to simply tell her as kindly as possible (face-to-face) that I can't visit her anymore, state my reasons clearly and gently, and thank her for allowing me the opportunity to get to know a wonderful person and the opportunity to share our experiences together for the past few months.
I imagine that there are a few of you out there that have had this challenge in the past. Before you all rip into me, know that I was aware of this and a few other risks before I pursued a regular type of arrangement. I'm completely aware that this is a business and I respect the boundaries that this hobby requires. I'm simply asking for some polite advice/insight from both hobbyist and providers as to their experience and/or how they would approach this tactfully.
I appreciate your insights in advance and I apologize for using an alias (I'm a fairly regular poster).
The world is only made better with loving others. Sounds like she brought the best out of you. What are you afraid of? I just think people who stir up the best in us are brought into our lives for a reason. True, sometimes we move on and let them go. But if you're only stepping away because of loving her, then that is simply an act of fear. And fear is the thing that holds us back from becoming better people. My advice, is allow yourself to feel, while respecting boundaries. It's a wonderful life lesson. In my opinion, there's too much detachment in this industry. Too many games. It's more interesting when people can genuinely bond as friends and lovers, while respecting boundaries and etiquette.
My plan is to visit her one last time to simply tell her as kindly as possible (face-to-face) that I can't visit her anymore, state my reasons clearly and gently, and thank her for allowing me the opportunity to get to know a wonderful person and the opportunity to share our experiences together for the past few months.
I imagine that there are a few of you out there that have had this challenge in the past. Before you all rip into me, know that I was aware of this and a few other risks before I pursued a regular type of arrangement. I'm completely aware that this is a business and I respect the boundaries that this hobby requires. I'm simply asking for some polite advice/insight from both hobbyist and providers as to their experience and/or how they would approach this tactfully.
I appreciate your insights in advance and I apologize for using an alias (I'm a fairly regular poster).
Thanks for your insights. I completely agree with you that there are serious elements of detachment in the industry... The world would be better if there were more people that shared your sentiment, for sure. You're right. I'm afraid. I have only known her in this capacity and I feel that the word "love" couldn't yet be spoken genuinely. However, I am finding myself beginning to grow deeper in like/adoration of her which could blossom into a more genuine love. My deepest fear is that we would eventually abandon boundaries and etiquette, which could jeopardize her future in the industry. I fear I may become jealous if she chooses to remain, which isn't right or fair to her. In the end, the memories that we have are eternal, and I feel that we would walk away having left each a better person.
I thought it was because you're married... or because this stuff usually doesn't end well 99.99% of the time. But dude... if you're going to get her out of this industry that's a good thing. You can't do this forever so just see what she says. And heck it's a good thing for you too to maybe find another hobby... like flying model helicopters like Bruce Jenner does... when he isn't dressing up like the lady in red. I can't believe I am telling someone to take a chance on this because I know better!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MnU6p3sGSw
I agree with cameo and sun. I thought you were walking away because you were married or had an SO. If you don't then why walk away. I think you should see were it goes. If she feels the same way about you then see her outside the hobby. See how strong the connection is. Just be sure you respect her. Finding someone you have a real connection with either civvie or provider is not easy. So when someone comes around that you click with you owe it to yourself to at least check it out. As far as worrying about getting jealous of other hobbyists cross that bridge when you get to it. Once you start seeing her OTC you might find you and her have nothing in common except good sex. Good luck
My plan is to visit her one last time to simply tell her as kindly as possible (face-to-face) that I can't visit her anymore, state my reasons clearly and gently, and thank her for allowing me the opportunity to get to know a wonderful person and the opportunity to share our experiences together for the past few months.
I imagine that there are a few of you out there that have had this challenge in the past. Before you all rip into me, know that I was aware of this and a few other risks before I pursued a regular type of arrangement. I'm completely aware that this is a business and I respect the boundaries that this hobby requires. I'm simply asking for some polite advice/insight from both hobbyist and providers as to their experience and/or how they would approach this tactfully.
I appreciate your insights in advance and I apologize for using an alias (I'm a fairly regular poster).
If she doesn't feel the same as you then you really don't owe her an explanation. That is why I don't usually see anyone more than 2 or 3 times. Sharing something as intimate as this your bound to start feeling something. Good luck.
Thanks for your input. It does feel a bit backwards in that we started out as passionate lovers are now intimate friends. I was fully aware that such a bond was inevitable, serves me right for letting the situation get this far. Your 2-3 time practice is understandable to me in that it saves this bit of heartache.
...but my story ended when she moved away. I really like the way we ended it, though. It was clear that there was mutual affection between us for some time and we spend our penultimate meeting getting it all off our chests. The pleasant surprise was that there wasn't any crying or tortured confessions, rather we just vocalized our deep appreciation for each other and the time we shared. Then, we had one more date where we spent the day together in bliss, fully engaged in the moment, without a thought given to anything beyond each shared second.
I'm guessing that you're married or otherwise unavailable, correct? If so, then you are wise to take a break or end it if seeing her is detrimentally impacting your primary relationship(s). Over time, the intensity of your feelings will subside, and hopefully all that you'll carry with you will be a special fondness for the experience you shared with her. Good luck!
Thanks for your insights. Great to hear from someone who has experienced this. I can't imagine any crying or tortured confessions (nice quip, by the way) in my situation; rather, a spirit of gratitude and well-wishing. I'm happy that you both were able to choose different paths without regret and end the journey with a final connection"fully engaged in the moment." A story-book ending you have there.
I'm available, just a very busy person. I told her right from the get-go (as I often do to providers I meet - part of the nervous "getting to know you" portion of the first session) that I'm fully immersed in my work and I feel it wouldn't be fair to have a full-time romantic partner because of this.
The odd thing in all of this is that she has inspired me, in part, to consider making time to meet someone and develop a relationship. First time I've had that feeling in years. The hobby has been good for me, - I've had so many wonderful experiences and met so many wonderful people - it's just that spending time with her hits me with the strong realization that perhaps it's time for me to move on from the hobby altogether. Perhaps meet someone. God... I hope she's like her.
Thanks for your well-wishes.
She's entered this biz with the understanding that any meeting could be the last time she ever sees him, so unless she's exhibited signs of being emotionally unstable, you can expect her to handle your departure well. Take a break if you must and tell her so, but if she's been nothing but a bright spot in your life, I don't see any need to say sayonara ("goodbye forever"). The whole point of the hobby is that there are no expectations.
it could be some ladies would not mind the goodbye as much as others.
I know the lady i see now would just roll her eyes and tell me to chill (in a good way) if I said " we have to talk..."
it only stands to reason over the course of time we all will run into someone we could build a future with if all the planets were to set the path for us.
Its just bound to happen.
I know where you are at I have a great friend in this biz I could go all the way with him...in life not bed I mean...but its just not meant to be. Take what is offered here and Enjoy it.
If you feel you need to walk away, then thats what you should do.
I am certain she will most likely understand.
Nic
Thanks so much for your perspective, Nic. It's interesting to hear what it's like on the other side. While I've thought about potentially taking a step forward, deep down inside, I, too, feel it's just not meant to be. We've mutually enjoyed our time together. I sense there's a bit of a shit-or-get-off-the-pot (sorry for the vulgar example) tension between us at times during sessions. We've never let it get in the way of our experience but it is present and I feel that we both know that it probably wouldn't work out.
its really hard fo some to seperate what we do from who we are.
Its delicate.
I was in a pretty good relationship with a former client we had it goin on for a few yrs it was good. In the end we were going in different directions. Had nothing to do with this biz it was just the way things happened.
It can and does work for some here but like any relationship its work and this biz can be another strain on a relationship.
All I can tell you is follow your heart and stay or go theres no right or wrong its all up to you.
I wish you peace in this choice you make.
Toodles
Nic
Well said!
I have been in this hobby for over 20 years. Been there, done that... and it's not easy. But we all need to remember that this is a fantasy, and that's what makes it fun for all. In the REAL world, not only will she have a headache sometimes, but she will also say no... just because. My suggestion is to walk away and find another ATF.
I wish that I was lucky enough to feel as though a provider reaaly really liked me. I've yet to feel that sensation.
Ah, thanks for your post. Sorry that you haven't experienced it... I do remember my first few years in the hobby, I would hop around regularly. It was so exciting to see someone new each time, I got such a rush. A part of me wants to go back to that approach, but that part is slowly dying in me.
Not to discourage, it did take me 7 years to find someone that connected with me on every level. If you are looking for more of a connection with a provider, I wish you the best on your quest. Have you visited someone more than once? If so, did you bring her something special/thoughtful the second time?
Not to side-track... but you're one of the lucky ones who has seen Quinn. Must have been just smashing.
I've only been a member of TER for about 2 months, but I've been a hobbyist for 20 years. Probably not a real lot of girls though! A little over 100. And yes, I've been with plenty of girls more than once. Maybe it's just my perspective but I haven't really noticed any connections.
And to answer another question, Quinn was absolutely amazing!!!
who posted a question about Quinn? and why do so many one time posters post on her behalf? what gives.....not following why she is in this thread....
Read the message that I responded to. Trust me. I agree with you but if RookieMistakes didn't ask, I wouldn't have mentioned it.
See another lady on your wish list and skip the drama... The emotion is ( if you are lucky) is mostly one sided and she will survive without the long drama filled goodbye. Closure is not something that you are gonna get here. Unless you want to become financially involved without sex for money then just remove yourself.. Paying her not to fuck other guys and paying bills she needs paid but you don't want her to work are where this last god bye is taking you. Really bad idea to end things the way you planned.
i know it seems weird to get to know someone and then cut all contact but if you think about it it happens in real life with friends or acquaintances all the time. You just drift apart and find new ones.
How often and how long have you been seeing her? I suppose it would be harder the more you know her. I had a lady I used to see move to another state. I have not contacted her, she has not contacted me. I knew months prior she was thinking about the move but when it happened I just let it go. There were no goodbye emails from her and I didn't expect one. She was just gone. Guess what? I found another lady 2 yrs later just as good.