Dear lookng4helphelp,
Unfortunately it's one of those things where there really isn't any foolproof advice for finding "the right therapist." What works for one person may not work for another. There are, however, some issues that can trigger resistance to connecting with a therapist, and thus things to consider before you make that second appointment:
1. The gender of the therapist - in a world where we are all supposed to be equals, it can get difficult to admit that we prefer someone male or female. But here's an instance where you can freely admit to yourself that one gender works better for you than the other.
2. The therapist's orientation. Despite all the metastudies telling us that the connection is more important than the orientation, I still would suggest that you ask the therapist what his/her main orientation might be. If it's someone doing cognitive-behavioral work and you would like more analytic interpretation of your issues - say so, and don't be shy in asking for a referral. Or the other way around.
3. The therapist's willingness/ability to work with your psychiatrist. You shouldn't have to switch MD's just to see a particular therapist.
These are just a few issues. Trying out therapists is really difficult but highly necessary, considering that you are working out some very difficult problems. There are many abuse survivor networks on line - ask for a referral there too. Oftentimes you can do so anonymously, which supports your privacy.
Best of luck to you,
The Love Goddess
Dear LG,
I have tried therapy a few times over the years, albeit unsuccessfully. The main reason was my inability to "connect" with the therapist, an admitted flaw on my part. Maybe I watched too much Sopranos and am looking for my own Dr. Melfi which is unrealistic. I know I have work to do and I am ready to do the work needed. My question is this: How do I find the right therapist for me? I have read the various checklists/interview forms on different psychology sites but they don't seem adequate to me. Ideally I am looking for someone that specializes in male depression, PTSD, and survivors of abuse.
Any direction you can offer is greatly appreciated.
looking for help....
Dear lookng4helphelp,
Unfortunately it's one of those things where there really isn't any foolproof advice for finding "the right therapist." What works for one person may not work for another. There are, however, some issues that can trigger resistance to connecting with a therapist, and thus things to consider before you make that second appointment:
1. The gender of the therapist - in a world where we are all supposed to be equals, it can get difficult to admit that we prefer someone male or female. But here's an instance where you can freely admit to yourself that one gender works better for you than the other.
2. The therapist's orientation. Despite all the metastudies telling us that the connection is more important than the orientation, I still would suggest that you ask the therapist what his/her main orientation might be. If it's someone doing cognitive-behavioral work and you would like more analytic interpretation of your issues - say so, and don't be shy in asking for a referral. Or the other way around.
3. The therapist's willingness/ability to work with your psychiatrist. You shouldn't have to switch MD's just to see a particular therapist.
These are just a few issues. Trying out therapists is really difficult but highly necessary, considering that you are working out some very difficult problems. There are many abuse survivor networks on line - ask for a referral there too. Oftentimes you can do so anonymously, which supports your privacy.
Best of luck to you,
The Love Goddess