What do you do when you realize that a provider you have been seeing has become a serious junkie? Someone who you know well, and have a really good relationship with over many months now seems to be going off the deep end.....what do you do?
But it only works if there is therapy after as well good support from whoever you have in your life.
You can't help someone who doesn't want help and even IF you were to somehow drag her into rehab and FORCE her to get clean, unless you cured what got her into drugs in the first place, the whole exercise would be a complete waste of time as she would undoubtedly go right back to drugs the moment you turned your back.
Remember one other truth where it comes to drugs and drug users. "No good deed goes unpunished" People don't want to hear that they have a problem, most likely all you will succeed in doing is making her hate you for all of your good intentions.
It just will not work. I remember when crack hit in the 1980s. My brother went to rehab 3 times because of pressure from the family. Each time he came home, he was even worst and seem to be making up for lost time. The 4th time he went on his own. He has been clean every since and currently is a rehab counselor. This person can change, but only if they want to.
I still don't believe in putting people in prison "for their own good" but those are two drugs that are motherfuckers to kick, but the person has to want to change, and quite often that means "hitting bottom" in the meantime there is very little anyone else can do. As painful as it is to watch, all that well intentioned people succeed in doing is "enabling" the person they are trying to help.
but unless a person has actually been around crack or junk, it's hard to understand what a grip these two drugs can have on an addict. They may not mean to do the things they do, but they do them just the same. I hate to sound harsh, but the last thing a "junkie hooker" really needs in her life is a "Capt Save a Ho, john" in her life. It won't solve the problem it will only put off her ultimate day of reckoning
It was a long sad story. One of the really good guys (retired) tried to help her, he tried everything he could. She checked out shortly after he stopped seeing her. Junkies don't quit and as they get worse, the end is inevitable. This may sound harsh but it's the truth.
I tend to think of it as a disease with no cure, you just have to hope there are people who care enough to help them keep it in check. She has been in rehab before but it didn't stick. Short of kidnapping them and taking them up to a remote cabin in the woods for some cold turkey treatment, I'm not sure what you can do (and even that isn't guaranteed to work). You can't force anyone to confront their demons, right? Without them wanting it, there is no point in trying? So shitty...what a waste of a life.
People can tell an addict that they're an addict until they're blue in the face and it will never matter until the addict wants help and commits to permanently changing. You can ask Steven Tyler and Layne Staley all about it. One changed, the other didn't.
Addicts will always be addicts, the difference is whether they're sober or not. An alcoholic can't just have "an occasional drink", but their ego will tell them they can and unless they remember their commitment they're right back in the bottle.
The girl from a few years back had a very caring ATF. Her situation depressed him to the point that he had to stop seeing her. GaG is right, she was dragging him down into deep depression, not by using drugs, just by him watching her wasting away and knowing there wasn't a thing he could do to help her.
When rehab doesn't stick, the person isn't serious about getting help. She'd end up resenting you rather than realizing how lucky she was to have someone helping her.
Or she will ignore it if she is not ready. In any case, I think she has to want help before anyone can help her. She also has to feel the consequences of her actions and one of them may be a loss of income.
I don't think she's beyond help (I have a relative that is 6 years sober (from drugs), but she is 60 years old and wasted her life (her words) from age 11
you have to cut her off especially when you realize you are the one feeding her habit..addicts will always find another source..
Thanks for the advice. I certainly don't want to feed the habit, and at her rates, one appointment sets her up for weeks I'd imagine. Nor do I want to help the a-hole drug dealers out in any way.
I don't want to get involved in her life which seems to have family that is aware of the situation. But who knows what truths I got from a drug abuser. I'm just a client to her I'm sure, but I can't imagine she has too many of those left as her body is becoming ravaged by the drug use. It's so sad to see as she is rather young. Now I wonder how much I helped contribute to that. Or would she have been on the streets turning tricks instead - certainly a much worse option?
What you describe here is exactly what happened a few years ago. The scenario sounds identical. Don't beat yourself up over it, you didn't contribute to her demise. It's easy to think that your donation is feeding her demon but that demon will find some other way to feed itself. You're doing the right thing by stopping seeing her. Break the connection now or it'll be very painful when she ODs.
Sorry to hear this is happening again. I never met the girl from a few years ago but I had a string of emails we had exchanged over many months. It took me about six months but I finally deleted all of them after her death. What a waste...
You didn't "contribute" to that. Drug addicts work exactly as much as it takes to get drugs. Each date probably saved her 20...services in a crack house. Or something like that.
What? "Services in a crack house"? Thanks for contributing to the stigma of sex workers as drug addicts. He didn't contribute to her choice to use, but seriously think about what you just said. Anyone can fall under to addiction. Anyone. And lest you forget, lots of addicts are functional addicts, meaning that they're to the point in their addiction where they need the drug to function without being sick, and no longer use to just get high.
But seriously. "Services in a crack house". Nice assumption to make when you know nothing of this woman's situation or character.
It is her decision. Drugs should all be legalized.
You don't know how long she was using before it became obvious. You owe that to any other partners you have.
As others have said, you can't save people from themselves.
You don't get tested for AIDS. You get tested for HIV. He should be tested regularly if he's got multiple partners anyway. Is there proof that she's using IV drugs? If the only contact he had with her that would expose him to HIV is sex (ie he's not sharing needles with her or participating in blood sports with her), his risk of contracting HIV doesn't necessarily increase. Hell, if she's not sharing needles, her risk for HIV contraction doesn't increase either. He needs to take care of his health regardless of her.
You can suggest she get help, but that's all you can do. If she's truly an addict, she will need to come to terms with her addiction herself.
There is nothing you can do nor anyone else can do.. She needs to hit bottom, she will not seek help no matter what you say or do. She needs to realize she has the problem and she needs to take action. Unfortunately, it is sad to see someone like this knowing you want to help but the person wont help themselves.
And anyone looking for help with drugs.
It's a Christian organization that I'm sure doesn't judge.
773-491-9287
Recovery homes for men and women.
-- Modified on 7/31/2014 11:00:40 AM
Christian organization that doesn't judge"
If that's truly the case, it definitely isn't Catholic.
-- Modified on 7/31/2014 12:09:00 PM
Jesus loved drunks and hookers. Plenty of nice people who still follow that. (Plenty who don't, but she only said they don't judge, not all don't.)
(BTW, I was raised and still am an atheist, but I've done work with plenty Christ-like Christians.)
All religious sects judge. That's the nature of their business, to guilt their followers into abiding by the moral agenda of the religion. Ever heard of confession and penance? A form of judgement. Even God judges (according to man). Ever heard of "judgement day"?
All sectors of life judge. Including hookers - and -Johns.
Self righteousness and finger pointing is right here.
Nuff said.
-- Modified on 7/31/2014 2:19:34 PM
Well said.
Self righteousness and finger pointing is right here.
Nuff said.
-- Modified on 7/31/2014 2:19:34 PM
Her simple advice is to seek proffesional advice and help. If you want to know how to wire an electrical box, call an electrician, if you want legal advice call an attorney.
She can get over this is if she has very close personal friends and family. People that can be with her throughout the whole process of withdraw and staying clean after that, which can take even years. I do not think anyone from the hobby will be able to help her.
Have been through that myself. If it's just months of relationship, just move on.
Ha Ha Kidding
Thinks its ok to go to AA after a beer?