And you are how old, isfcco?
Because if you're over 40, chances are it's no longer up to you and only dependent on heredity and general physical health - and that means MOSTLY heredity and the rest [quantify whichever way you please] up to being reasonably healthy (not smoking, drinking excessively, and not on any major medications.)
With the risk of sounding like a broken record - at a certain age, it's not the destination, it's the journey - and that journey generally doesn't have multiple stops. Refractory periods only increase with age. If you could shoot off 10x/night at 20, chances are you can go 2-3 times/night at 40. After 40, it drops off even more. It's Mother Nature's way of preventing you from having too many opportunities to fertilize everyone you're banging, or you could end up leaving a lot of fatherless children in your wake as you drop off the planet. Wars and parenting are best left to the younger set, according to evolutionary pressures, so this is nothing unusual in the least.
My suggestion is to prolong things for that one time and focusing on sensuality instead of shooting off multiple times within the same hour [unless you're 18, of course.] And if you're under 35, then start working out like crazy, drop some weight and pray for genetics in your favor. And with all that, you STILL might not be able to "go a second round."
My advice - be realistic and be happy - you've earned it at this stage,
The Love Goddess
I have a wonderful SO and an amazing companion. My SO has just plain given up trying to get me to "go" more than once in short peroid of time (within the same hour, with a lengthy break after the first.) And I could just see the dissappointment on my companion's face when she too failed to get me to go a second round.
Getting up isn't a problem, maintaining rock hardness isn't an issue either. I have seen a lot of websites and advice that help those who cannot get up or stay up, but I do not really see a lot of advice on how to crest the threshhold of pleasure tolerance a second, or third, time.
Advice? Links? Food to eat? Food to avoid? Anything?
Edit: Oh yes, and Kegels are not an issue either. According to the site you linked in the other thread, I seem to be doing okay in that area (not that I ever specifically tried to focus on the area, but I have had to work those areas out for unrelated reasons.)
-- Modified on 4/8/2011 1:33:35 PM
And you are how old, isfcco?
Because if you're over 40, chances are it's no longer up to you and only dependent on heredity and general physical health - and that means MOSTLY heredity and the rest [quantify whichever way you please] up to being reasonably healthy (not smoking, drinking excessively, and not on any major medications.)
With the risk of sounding like a broken record - at a certain age, it's not the destination, it's the journey - and that journey generally doesn't have multiple stops. Refractory periods only increase with age. If you could shoot off 10x/night at 20, chances are you can go 2-3 times/night at 40. After 40, it drops off even more. It's Mother Nature's way of preventing you from having too many opportunities to fertilize everyone you're banging, or you could end up leaving a lot of fatherless children in your wake as you drop off the planet. Wars and parenting are best left to the younger set, according to evolutionary pressures, so this is nothing unusual in the least.
My suggestion is to prolong things for that one time and focusing on sensuality instead of shooting off multiple times within the same hour [unless you're 18, of course.] And if you're under 35, then start working out like crazy, drop some weight and pray for genetics in your favor. And with all that, you STILL might not be able to "go a second round."
My advice - be realistic and be happy - you've earned it at this stage,
The Love Goddess
I do understand that age taxes all men. I was just wondering what could be done to tell the tax man to slow down a bit!
I'm in my early 30s, to answer your question. I should have known to include that in the original post. I am exercising routinely, having lost over 90 pounds (hellz yea! no more dorito breakfasts for me!). I'm not so much interested in being a sexual dynamo, hell, the poor girls need a break sometime, right? But it would be nice to go twice in an hour or hour and a half.
Doing "medical research" (ie, WebMD, Google Search, Mayo Clinic, etc) it appears that if it can get up and stay up with minimal to know assistance by girl or medication, it should perform adequately. Maybe not shatter the ceiling fan, but it should function. Or, am I missing something?
I am also happy to ask a girl to spend 3 or 4 hours with me, but I'd rather they not get bored waiting for me to fully recharge either. (Hence, I am VERY picky on who I meet with, within reason as it is hard to get details before a first date, still difficult after two or three...)
But, as for "be realistic and be happy" the two seem contradictory. I suppose the best way to be realistic and happy would be to book 4 hour, overnight and weekend excursions, so I can have the companionship, the girl won't get bored with no results for her labor, I have time to fully recharge and everyone can be happy...now to find a girl who wouldn't mind a longer date!
Thank you for your advice, if you have more, feel free to post more, I would love to read it, as I think I would be happier if I could reduce the recharge time a bit.
Then you should read the attached, isfcco,
"Performing adequately" and having a refractory period beyond an hour don't seem mutually exclusive. And yes, I think your "best way" really IS the best way!
I don't think it's possible to tamper with heredity. As for women getting "bored" - wow, give yourself some credit here. Maybe it's projection - YOU are the one getting bored waiting for your body to recharge for round two? If you're an interesting person with something to say, women will gladly wait around and spend time basking in your glorious company. This whole business with multiple shots on goal, two rounds etc is much more a man's preoccupation, it seems. There ARE other ways to satisfy a woman rather than penile-vaginal sex, so don't get discouraged for women's sake.
I'd stop worrying if I were you and enjoying sex in all sorts of ways. If you obsess over this now - what's your sex life going to look like 20 years from now?
Talk to some of the older guys on the boards,
The Love Goddess
Thank you again. Yes, it could be projection, the girls are always lovely in their own unique ways. I suppose if they agree to a second date, they musta been okay with the situation.
Great response to the OP and he should take it to heart. I am in my mid 50's and rarely can get off more than once in a session..and I am fine with that. As you point out that there are many other things one can do while "waiting" to recharge. Many of my rendezvous' are for 4-8 hours, and I now have no expectations of a second shot in that time. Hence, I tend to enjoy the time with my lady and spend it doing things, typically outside of the bedroom. When we do play it is intense and she has learned how to play me and more importantly, with me. And as well, I with her. As my understanding of how my body works (as I age) has evolved here, I find myself enjoying the journey considerably more than when I was much younger and felt that the orgasm was the only important thing in the passion. But I have a clearer understanding of how to play with my lady friends where I give pleasure, and conversely they understand that and reciprocate ten fold.
I don't have any performance issues here, and don't place expectations on myself (or the lady) and just enjoy my time with each one. Thus far it has worked well for me.
Well, according to LG's link, it isn't really a refractory period issue (by definition). But I think she might be quite correct...as long as I communicate the issue (or they have already experienced it) and they choose to allow me to see them again, I guess they are not discouraged by it.
I believe, the message is, I need to convince the girl's I'm not superman and we need to slow down and enjoy ourselves. *smile* Besides, I do agree, I love spending time talking to the girls, well, rather, I let them talk and interject a thought that is on topic and constructive at opportune times (I have to talk for a living, I want to listen for entertainment!)
Anyway, thanks for the affirmation it's "normal" even if I am not 50....
She's on target. I'm about a decade older than you, and in the past couple years I have had times where I couldn't even cum once with a girl despite being very attracted and hard for well over an hour, to a time last summer when I came four times within a couple hours -- and maybe could have more but I told her to stop so we could talk. I'm in good shape and not on any medications, so fluctuations in that sort of thing are not an issue. Sometimes it's felt like I couldn't cum because I didn't know my partner well enough. Sometimes it's felt like I knew her too well. It's... complicated.
But you know what? Not one of the in-the-long-run best memories that I've made with a woman involved orgasm. And I've had some pretty memorable orgasms. My advice is just what LG says: Relax, enjoy the time, and quit worrying. If you cum you cum. If you don't you don't.
I never understood those who asked for advice and then just disregarded it. I will just plan on other activities to do in addition to my time with a companion. Always nice to talk to a girl anyway!
Please have some patience, and self awareness beyond what you THINK you should be capable of. For example, I'm 77, long past the age when I could do multiples, experienced dysfunction after radiation for cancer, and still have wonderful times with orgasms, although of course they are different and fullness cannot be sustained. A bit ago, I booked extra time with an extraordinary provider and after the pop we talked, kissed, caressed and stayed very close. She was retiring although only 28 and we would not meet again, and when we parted she had tears in her eyes and I a lump in my throat. Granted, that was memorable, but it was real and there was no falsity in it. Another time, I was with a truly beautiful provider and I was trying so hard I ruined it. She tried too -- she understood my dilemma, but the session was to some extent unsuccessful. Later on, we learned how to handle it and she's a close friend to this day.
Moral of these vignettes -- do what you can and don't be ashamed or disappointed if you are with someone compatible.