My wife has declared, in a moment of supreme frustration, that we can't have sex anymore, because she gets a UTI (urinary tract infection) every time. It does not seem to matter how clean we are - we can give each other a thorough scrubdown immediately beforehand, and it doesn't matter. She urinates and showers immediately after, and it doesn't matter. She takes prescription antibiotic prophylacticly every time we do it, and it still doesn't matter. UTI every time. She's at the doctor for it right now, yet again. She twice was prescribed a stronger antibiotic, but her stomach couldn't handle it and it came back up both times.
This does not happen to other women that I'm with. She, to my knowledge, is not with any other men. Major difference between her and my other partners: We do BBFS w/ CIV, as married people do. She also really enjoys fingers. Superclean fingers and flagpole, it doesn't seem to matter. No Greek and no oral.(not on her "menu")
We have more than usual relationship stressors and issues, but this UTI thing is the #1 biggest wedge in our relationship right now. She has completely given up on sex. Meanwhile, I'm going through some kind of bizarre mid-life hyper-libido phase where I'm feeling really good and could easily go two or three times a day.(new better job, more exercise, better diet, more sunshine, more money... I'm feeling like a million bucks these days!) She tried to keep me satisfied, but she eventually developed painful carpal tunnel and can't do that anymore (you know I'm telling the truth because you seriously can't make this shit up!). Oral is off the table, and those activities are poor substitutes for the real thing anyway. Plus, what about her satisfaction?
This is part of what has driven me to the hobby. We're both out of ideas, and the doctors give her the same spiel every time (be clean, take antibiotics, and urinate immediately after). This is so frustrating!
Any help, LG? Or other internet-doctors?
Ok, marriedtoosoon and others,
1. Anyone providing specific, personalized medical advice to this poster on this board will be moderated [just a caveat]
2. Your wife needs to see a urologist who specializes in female urology, not just a doctor who prescribes antibiotics. There are several medical conditions, including interstitial cystitis, urethral diverticulum, open bladder neck, etc. etc. and many other urethral conditions that can affect sexual health.
3. Urologists will conduct various tests, some even exploratory like cystoscopies, diagnostic hydrotension, etc. Some urologists even perform MRI or CT scanning, particularly if mass is suspected.
4. Perimenopausal women often have a lack of E3 (estriol), further contributing to weakening of the urinary mucosa. If your wife is perimenopausal and visits with a holistic gynecologist, s/he may prescribe compounded E3 intravaginal suppositories or even DHEA suppositories to increase lactobacilli and decrease Enterobacteriaceae. A conventional gynecologist may prescribe estrogen suppositories for this purpose, which is not ideal, since estradiol (E2) is more potent and does not confer the protective anti-cancer functions of E3.
I am surprised that the doc she's been seeing hasn't referred her further, but then again maybe s/he has? Hard to tell in a posting like this. First, her health needs to be restored and then we can talk about sexual options. And if you're really "married too soon," well, then there's always divorce. Harsh but true.
Please ask your doc for a specific urologist referral in your area,
The Love Goddess
If she has problems everytime you might try having sex using a condom. Who knows, she might be having some kind of a reaction to your semen. Good luck.
But something about this strikes an odd cord.
You begin by describing how your wife has declared, in a moment of frustration, that sex is off the table because she gets a UTI every time you have sex….EVERY time…despite precautionary cleanliness, antibiotics, urinating…..And then you transition directly into pointing out that this does not happen with the other women you are with; as if you view being with other women outside of your marriage as the most natural thing in the world. (I might assume you and your wife had an open agreement-----were it not for your comment that: to your knowledge 'she' is not with other men)
And then, you describe sex with your wife as BBFS w/ CIV---and you refer to your wife’s “menu”?...in the same way one would describe sex with a paid companion; which, obviously your wife is not.
And you recognize that you and your wife have ‘more than’ the usual stressors and issues, but the UTI thing is the biggest problem in your relationship? And, while you are feeling like a million bucks, on top of the world--- your wife, now, on top of everything else, has developed painful carpel tunnel syndrome? (which, I read to mean she is unable to even give you a HJ?)
OK. UTI’s suck. Some people are particularly prone to them. And, perhaps your wife is one of these people. In which case, a consult with a specialist would seem in order.
But umm…have you considered the possibility that your wife might be aware of your extracurricular activities, and is reacting to that?
Has your wife ever been screened for diabetes? As a diabetic myself, I am prone to both UTI's and yeast infections if I am not controlling my blood sugar. It amazes how many (usually male) docs overlook a simple diabetes screening when their female patients present with frequent UTI's and/or yeast infections.