Try counseling first. Don't throw it away without trying that.
LG,
I'll try to make this brief and to the point.
I've been married for 24 years, have raised 2 great kids that are both now in college and do not live at home. The SO has a significantly lower sex drive than I do and has been this way for many, many years. It becomes very frustrating, but I hold back my feelings for simplicity sake. On many ocassions I've tried to discuss it with nothing but bad attitude back. So we're sort of like good friends, with no sex life. Even the friendship is starting to crack I believe.
Now the issue, about 3 months ago, I've started seeing providers for my sexual pleasures and needs. Let's just say masturbation was getting old and so was I. (FYI, I'm 46yo, fit, with good job)
I really enjoy my time with the women and now feel that my SO would be happy for me to ride the no/low sex train till the end of time. I don't want to. At first I thought this hobby was saving my marriage, now I know it was just delaying the obvious.
So my thoughts are to try a trial separation. I'll find an apartment and move out. Then try and decide if divorce is on the agenda.
I don't know if I'm asking a question here, just wanted to hear your thoughts.
Thanks,
AM
Try counseling first. Don't throw it away without trying that.
...and absolutely NOTHING changed.
Mrs. Luethor expected it would be a "bash Lex" fest, particularly since the counselor was a woman. But the counselor when right for Mrs. L, wanting to know why she was so damned insecure. Week after week Mrs. L would start out "Well, he..." and the counselor would say, "We'll get to him...I want to know about you..."
It was great, but after a few months Mrs. L decided counseling wasn't what she had in mind.
Tip: Try to see a provider a few days before each counseling session. That way when the counselor asks you if you're happy, you can reply with a smile and 100% honesty, "Why yes, I'm very happy."
-- Modified on 7/2/2006 6:20:53 AM
Dear Athleticman89,
Sometimes it's good to listen to your peers...like bballs' posting in this thread. In addition, my thoughts are as follows: There are two people in this marriage. Two people with divergent feelings and views of what's going on. To hear only one side would be most untherapeutic and unprofessional. So, as a licensed clinician, I would definitely recommend seeing a marriage counselor before you do something so rash as finding an apartment and move out.
A little note here: the sexual issue is usually the tip of the iceberg. When you dig deeper, you find all sorts of murky waters all around. I would suggest that you start excavating as soon as possible, for the benefit of each individual in this union. And finally: provider play is all juice and dish - but there's never any free lunch. Just remember that before you go off and do something extreme to your life.
Brief and to the point,
the Love Goddess