....I don't think so.
I prefer to avoid using words like "hooker" or "whore" to describe the ladies I meet. I even have a bit of trouble wrapping my head around this relatively new term "provider" although at least it is a rational term. I confess I was raised to not use demeaning terms about anyone so that may play a huge role. What escorts call themselves over drinks together is irrelevant. Now mind you I don't visit the $40 for 15 minutes women either. The ladies who post in this group are skilled professionals.
When I read an professional escort's website I see terms like gentleman, friends, date referring to us the client. This cues in my head words like lady, girlfriend, friend, companion, date. After she has welcomed me into her home or incall, created this wonderful fantasy, and left me smiling, the word "hooker" just doesn't fit. I mean really in our heads aren't we thinking, "I love this hobby. I meet the most wonderful ladies."? Do we call our girlfriends whores? I doubt it. (Well good luck with that if you do.) So can we call an escort a hooker after a Girlfriend Experience? I don't think so.
BCD is one thing like when your date says, "This little whore is going to leave you drained." If that's her game then game on. Its play acting after all. But really, later? I don't think so.
There is a self-serving angle too. Are we so naïve as to really think these ladies don't know our board handles even if we don't reveal it? Like they don't talk, email, or check references, or figure out who left what review? And look at board posts to get an indication of the real you? In a small market like mine, I sure as hell don't want to be known as the rude, disrespectful client. Things would dry up real fast. It is going to be a lot easier for her to fulfill the girlfriend fantasy role if she knows you respect her. Seems to work that way for me anyway.
It is a whole lot better to get an email that says, "Thanks for emailing me with your references. I talked to Sally Mae and she said you were a lot of fun. Here is my address and personal cell number. Just give me a call when you are on your way so I can be ready behind the door for our intimate sensual encounter." Rather than, "Ok. I'll meet you. When you are in the parking lot call me." (While she is thinking, "So I can look out my window and check you out, 'cause if you don't look like you'll behave you aren't getting my apartment number.") Me, I like the first one better.
Hey, I know I'm a john, trick, whoremonger and she's a whore, hooker in some people's minds. Screw them. Do we play together better if we treat each other with respect? I think so
I think you are getting a little confused. You are confusing a profession with a person. Of course a 'lady' is a lady if she acts like a lady as is a 'gentleman' a gentleman if he acts like a gentleman. The person who picks up your trash is the 'trash man' but would you ever address him personally as "hey, trash man"? The profession is hooking, prostitution, providing, whoring, whatever you want to call it. That's what we are all involved in. If you say you are not, then you are in denial. But, to call a lady one of those terms personally does not seem right to me either. If you are in denial, then on your next visit, write Mother Teresa on the front of your envelope.
Like I said, its rational at least.
and is used in many contexts, eg healthcare provider. Almost all ladies I know in this industry refer to themselves as "provider", so I use that term also. I don't see anything demeaning or disrespectful about it.
Some might think the term means "sex provider". I think of it differently. Providers have provided me with so much more than that. I told one the other day that I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I think a better person, if I hadn't met her.
It's amazing to me that many guys who frequent these boards have no problem calling these ladies whore, slut, hooker etc.
You are my kinda guy it seems! And you are in one of my ATF cities to visit when it cools off in NC!
xoxo,
Steph
I'm with you on this Jim. I've met some very interesting women in the hobby and to demean them is to demean us. You give respect, you get respect.
Precisely.
Labels lead to stereotypes and stereotypes leads to prejudiced and so on and so on.
When my son was diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum, I could not bring myself (and still cannot) labeling him as "Autistic". I rather say to folks he has autism. A big difference. One is a label loaded with preconceived notions of "Rain Man" while the other communicates "here is a person who has a disability, it is called Autism".
I feel the same way about other labels. Addiction for example. Calling someone an Alcoholic congers up all kind of negative persecutions, versus here is a person who has an addiction to alcohol.
How does this translate to the hobby you ask?????
I consider the ladies in the hobby as people who participate and provide me company and companionship, in whatever form it may be in. I consider myself an over 50 year old man, past his prime, divorced and not dating, who prefers to interact with members of the opposite sex with out games and drama. If that makes me a client, John, or whatever, so be it. However my attitude toward the ladies is like...."I enjoy Sasha, who happens to be an escort or provider".
Put the person first and a description for context second, I guess is what I am saying. IMHO doing so shows respect and humanity.
And yes, if you read my reviews I do use labels in the past, guilty as charged....but will try my best not to do so in the future.
Thanks for starting the conversation......
Exactly!
When my son was diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum, I could not bring myself (and still cannot) labeling him as "Autistic". I rather say to folks he has autism. A big difference. One is a label loaded with preconceived notions of "Rain Man" while the other communicates "here is a person who has a disability, it is called Autism".
I feel the same way about other labels. Addiction for example. Calling someone an Alcoholic congers up all kind of negative persecutions, versus here is a person who has an addiction to alcohol.
How does this translate to the hobby you ask?????
I consider the ladies in the hobby as people who participate and provide me company and companionship, in whatever form it may be in. I consider myself an over 50 year old man, past his prime, divorced and not dating, who prefers to interact with members of the opposite sex with out games and drama. If that makes me a client, John, or whatever, so be it. However my attitude toward the ladies is like...."I enjoy Sasha, who happens to be an escort or provider".
Put the person first and a description for context second, I guess is what I am saying. IMHO doing so shows respect and humanity.
And yes, if you read my reviews I do use labels in the past, guilty as charged....but will try my best not to do so in the future.
Thanks for starting the conversation......
...to some, is not so to others. Sitting in the doctors waiting room yesterday there was that word on the dry erase board telling us patients how long of a wait to expect for our respective provider. Looking up the word provider you'll find the meaning "someone in a position to do something". Nothing derogatory of demeaning in that I think.
Thoughts of calling my provider date a whore or hooker just don't cross my mind. But please, feel free to tell me how much you wish to be my little slut for our time together. I won't think less of you for fanning my flame with references like that.
Personally I'm into reciprocated respect with the gals I meet in the hobby. You're right TJ. You'll usually get back what you put into an encounter. Seems to work that way for me too.
Here's a quick story that shows how we may well be known in the community. I had been bantering a bit on Twitter with a lady. I decided I wanted to meet so I sent her a Twitter PM. Suggested a time, date, etc. and said I would send her my P411 info for screening. She replied that wouldn't be necessary as she already had screened me. When we met she told me she and others had discussed me and said I was good to go. So one never knows what the back channels are up to.
I agree with your viewpoint and comments. I too conduct myself as a gentleman and treat her like a lady. They have lives outside the hobby too with unique circumstances, problems, challenges, etc. I find that appointments allow them to exit that real world and enter fantasyland. Treat each other well and the results are amazing.
And, Courtesan has a nice hisotrical context.
I think we are being too fastidious. I do think the word provider is somewhat vague. Like it is a code word. But it has grown up to be useful. I've never liked prostitute. Too long and analytic sounding. With a touch of derision. Call girl has a pejorative cast to it too. I wish there was something respectful. Escort may be the closest. A girl I respect would use that term when asked in public what she did. To be honest I am okay in private with good old Anglo Saxon and can think of somebody as a hooker without being disrespectful. Harlot seems a poor term as well. It's interesting that we don't have a good word that is both respectful and accurate.
I prefer to avoid using words like "hooker" or "whore" to describe the ladies I meet. I even have a bit of trouble wrapping my head around this relatively new term "provider" although at least it is a rational term. I confess I was raised to not use demeaning terms about anyone so that may play a huge role. What escorts call themselves over drinks together is irrelevant. Now mind you I don't visit the $40 for 15 minutes women either. The ladies who post in this group are skilled professionals.
When I read an professional escort's website I see terms like gentleman, friends, date referring to us the client. This cues in my head words like lady, girlfriend, friend, companion, date. After she has welcomed me into her home or incall, created this wonderful fantasy, and left me smiling, the word "hooker" just doesn't fit. I mean really in our heads aren't we thinking, "I love this hobby. I meet the most wonderful ladies."? Do we call our girlfriends whores? I doubt it. (Well good luck with that if you do.) So can we call an escort a hooker after a Girlfriend Experience? I don't think so.
BCD is one thing like when your date says, "This little whore is going to leave you drained." If that's her game then game on. Its play acting after all. But really, later? I don't think so.
There is a self-serving angle too. Are we so naïve as to really think these ladies don't know our board handles even if we don't reveal it? Like they don't talk, email, or check references, or figure out who left what review? And look at board posts to get an indication of the real you? In a small market like mine, I sure as hell don't want to be known as the rude, disrespectful client. Things would dry up real fast. It is going to be a lot easier for her to fulfill the girlfriend fantasy role if she knows you respect her. Seems to work that way for me anyway.
It is a whole lot better to get an email that says, "Thanks for emailing me with your references. I talked to Sally Mae and she said you were a lot of fun. Here is my address and personal cell number. Just give me a call when you are on your way so I can be ready behind the door for our intimate sensual encounter." Rather than, "Ok. I'll meet you. When you are in the parking lot call me." (While she is thinking, "So I can look out my window and check you out, 'cause if you don't look like you'll behave you aren't getting my apartment number.") Me, I like the first one better.
Hey, I know I'm a john, trick, whoremonger and she's a whore, hooker in some people's minds. Screw them. Do we play together better if we treat each other with respect? I think so.
Well said. Are they helping us fulfill our most private fantasies? Compensating for some lack in our lives? Treating us better than we deserve? If so let's give them credit and treat them right. I love these women and don't know what I'd do without them.
Who will you be talking to when you have select anything other than my Lady friend. Just treat the like a lady and they will reciprocate. If they treat you like a trick, john, dump em and find one who doesn't.