I am suffering from a phenomena that is now playing games with my head and has therefore accentuated the issue:
I am currently going through a very difficult time in my marriage. It has been going on for over a year and the chances are that we may get separated, divorced and move on. I have been through all the classical stages of such traumatic experiences, several times with this marriage. I do love my spouse, but for a host of reasons that I will not mention in here, it's most probably not going to work out. I have no problems whatsoever to have sexual intercourse with my spouse, to get hard, to make (one-sided) passionate love and to have a huge release at the end! She is not really into me any more on a romantic level, but when she "puts out" to keep the peace, I have no performance related problems.
I fell into the Hobby about a year ago and dabbled in it as a form of scape fr4om these issues (not a good idea, BTW). At the beginning, I had no problems with ED, releasing, et al as I was not very selective and as well-versed in the Hobby, as I am today. Nowadays, the problems start when I meet providers with whom I feel like I can make a connection with. If I feel that, oh this is someone who I can really see as a civi GF (I think that know where to draw the line between reality & fantasy), then the 4 Fs of: Find 'em, Feel 'em, F*** 'em & Forget 'em, goes out of the window for me! I become a "lover boy" and I aim to please them and have great sensual GFE sessions. However, I can not stay hard and I just tell them not to worry about it! (well, they should not worry anyway since they get paid and I fail to get hard enough to have my paid intercourse!) Then I come home and out of frustration, I watch porn and get the hugest release that I can muster! If I continue seeing that provider whom I felt a connection with, I have no problems getting hard and having a huge release, but dang it, it takes a few sessions and several hundred $$$ later and lighter!
As a bio background, I'm in my mid 40s and very healthy. I exercise intensely and very regularly. I even do Yoga!. I eat right, I do not smoke and I rarely drink. I am on no medication and I do not suffer from low testosterone levels that I may know of! I know that my ED issues in thus format are most probably psychological but what should I do? Consider taking ED tablets? Get out of the hobby and not waste my $$$ till I sort myself up in my head? Try to get into a civi relationship instead? Just masturbate and save a lot more in funds & headache? Strangely enough, I do not encounter this ED issue when I go to FBSM providers, only with FS provider!. I get limp noodle when it comes to intercourse and penetration! It is getting to be damn annoying, costly & very frustrating! The last thing that I wish to do is to come home and seek sex with my non-romantic wife, when I have had a beautiful naked stranger right in front of me for the taking and I then could not get hard enough to have intercourse!!!
Your wise suggestions would be greatly appreciated and I'm sorry for using an alias, as I just did not wish to get mocked and belittled under my real TER handle!