I thought I was the only one with this problem. Seems like it's a quite prevalent thing as we get older. My wife was great the first 10 years of our marriage then good for the next 10 years, after that all intimacy stopped. We are now 35 years into our marriage, everything else is great. Three years ago I started to hobby after several years of lurking. Best decision I ever made, if I don't get caught. I have a hobby phone and a hobby e-mail that she knows nothing about. I have a volunteer job that gets me out of the house twice a week. I also have a stock account that she knows nothing about, and I do all the financials at our home. Brings in enough to finance my hobby. I am now 73 and have slowed down to once or twice a week. We have not had even one argument since I started this hobby thing. I have been with women almost a 100, from 18 to70 years old and just loved them all except about 5 of them from (backpage) that tried to rip me off. I tell each one of them how old I am before we ever meet. Not one has ever turned me down. Don't mean to say this would work for all gents but it sure has for me, and my wife she just don't know it. I'm so much easier to get along with now. It's amazing what the company of a beautiful woman can do for us old farts.
GOOD LUC
There was a post on the General Board from a provider asking what would happen if your wife found out about your hobbying. For various reasons I prefer to offer my comments here. I know it's probably too late for most guys to substantially change the nature of their relationships with their wives, but it's worth it if you've got the guts to try. About 15 years ago I told my wife I was unhappy with monogamy. It took some time, but she came to understand and sympathize with my feelings. When I started hobbying, I told her about it and got her permission. She has come to see that I am so much happier than I used to be, and that I'm not looking to trade her in on a younger model. Now we are both well into our 60's and we have a better sex life than we used to. I think she is truly beautiful and sexy. This morning our "date" included BBBJ, 69, daty, FIV, FIA, mish, scissors, and greek! I have her permission to keep hobbying, within certain well understood limits. Thursday I'm scheduled to visit my 22yo atf again. Life is good.
I feel compelled to share my story where my ex had agreed to go along with my hobbying for several years before finally deciding to cash in her chips via divorce.
In the end I'm glad she did as I would never had done that myself. But others may not feel the same and may opt to keep their hobby a secret, lest they end up in divorce court.
In any case I do thank you for sharing your story, and hope you situation remains copacetic.
Mine would go all Mrs. Donald Sterling on my ass !! I would hope the court would accept my plea of dementia !!!
I frequently think.. oh well.. what will be will be.. and yet when something happens that may reveal my activities.. I panic and go nuts.. so I do care.. and would expect my wife to go crazy.. most of all I would HATE to hurt her.. after 40 years +.. she deserves better.. and I don't "hate" or even dislike her.. a perfect World would be one where I could be allowd to pursue my activities and it would be regarded the same as when I had a large boat.. she hated it.. never went on it and was thrilled the day I sold it.. it was my thing.. not hers.
I had a female friend at work whose husband broached the possibility of seeing other women. Divorce followed soon after. She was terribly hurt and could never have accepted it. I'm pretty sure a lot of women are like that. Many men too I'll bet.
My wife told me several years ago, we need to "schedule" sex which seemed to be a little much. She was obviously not enjoying it which included remarks such as "let's get this over with" and not at all interested in trying anything new. Just get on top and pound away. So I essentially agreed to say, let's give it up. I think she is happy to let me go my way as long as I'm discreet and not talk about it. So we go our separate ways. Sad, but I'm not about to give up some 40 years of marriage.
Exactly..... The cost of a divorce is staggering.. and at the end of the day.. other than intimacy (which is a foundation of a good marriage).. everything else is OK..
I empathize with you. "Everything else is OK..." - that is true in my case also. Except for the intimacy, which includes sex but many other things including kissing, cuddling, intimate conversations... we have a good relationship. There were bigger issues in our marriage, but we've worked through those and now we are each other's best friend again, as we were during our courtship and early years of our marriage. That is not a terrible place to be. I do love her, and I know that she loves me. She is simply incapable of being intimate with me beyond holding hands, pecks on the cheek, and, the few times each year when she is feeling sorry for me, sex that I try to make as pleasant for her as I can, but in which she is not an active participant. I know why she acts this way, and it is not out of any desire to hurt me. We have worked on resolving the underlying issues, but it's been hard on her and she's now of the opinion that "everything is fine."
I am certain that if I were to tell my wife about my hobbying, or if she found out, she would demand an immediate separation, and then divorce. She has zero tolerance for "prostitutes" (as she calls any kind of provider, even the FBSM type) or men (or women) who step outside of marriage for any kind of intimacy, even a sensual massage. However, I am also certain that a divorce would be excruciatingly painful for her (no need to go into the details, trust me on that... "the cost of a divorce is staggering" as you said). It would be painful for me also but I'd be able to move on.
After experiencing decades of no intimacy at home, I've discovered how wonderful intimacy is... even if it's P4P intimacy. I know a few fine ladies who make me forget it's P4P, and who fulfill my need for intimacy discreetly and safely so I can continue to be my wife's best friend and loving partner.
-- Modified on 7/21/2014 4:57:34 PM
If/When my wife should say: "Lets get this over with" it is "Over"...I would not leave or divorce her over it-the financial cost to me would be too great...but there would be no further attempts on my part to initiate any sort of sexual or intimate contact. I would not make it an issue because all that would do is trigger an ongoing argument. At the same time there is no way she would endorse my hobbying, but that fact hasn't caused me to not do it !!!!
I thought I was the only one with this problem. Seems like it's a quite prevalent thing as we get older. My wife was great the first 10 years of our marriage then good for the next 10 years, after that all intimacy stopped. We are now 35 years into our marriage, everything else is great. Three years ago I started to hobby after several years of lurking. Best decision I ever made, if I don't get caught. I have a hobby phone and a hobby e-mail that she knows nothing about. I have a volunteer job that gets me out of the house twice a week. I also have a stock account that she knows nothing about, and I do all the financials at our home. Brings in enough to finance my hobby. I am now 73 and have slowed down to once or twice a week. We have not had even one argument since I started this hobby thing. I have been with women almost a 100, from 18 to70 years old and just loved them all except about 5 of them from (backpage) that tried to rip me off. I tell each one of them how old I am before we ever meet. Not one has ever turned me down. Don't mean to say this would work for all gents but it sure has for me, and my wife she just don't know it. I'm so much easier to get along with now. It's amazing what the company of a beautiful woman can do for us old farts.
GOOD LUC
Honestly, hobbying means I don't have to be angry with my wife anymore. The thing I was so angry about is all taken care of.
If my wife would do what yours does I would not need to hobby. She is attractive in good shape and only wants sex about every two weeks. Her idea of sex is a little dfk with me moving down to her tits and on down to daty. She may touch my dick but it doesn't go in her mouth. FIV is ok but definitely not FIA. I make her come and then she says get you some while laying on her back with her legs spread. If I take more than two minutes she says hurry up. I've tried to persuade her to doors to no avail. Sex was better 10 years ago with her but now I get what I'm missing with some wonderful women and give her what she wants maybe twice a month
When I was about 50 (midlife crisis time) I suggested we join a neighborhood "swinging" group. She wasn't interested but said if I had to do it she wouldn't do anything to stop me. I knew it would hurt her so I didn't. We had great sex, so why mess up a good thing just for some new stuff. She died a few years ago, after 52 years of a great marriage. It took me about 4 years before I could think of making love to another woman. I tried various ways to meet women on line but I wasn't interested in any of the women in my age group. Eventually I ran across TER and met a 50 year old escort and I was hooked! I really think it save my life because I needed feminine companionship. I have only gotten together with 8 escorts. All but one have been great. In a couple of hours I'll be seeing a lovely29 year old for lunch and play time at my place. My daughter (she said go for it dad whatever makes you happy.) and my Brother know of my new hobby and support me. So, I haven't hurt anyone, including the memory of my wife.
and always scheduled & if she felt like it... then she shut it off all together. I realized this is how she wants it. She has no sex drive, no needs & does not understand anyone who does. If there was a way out, I'd be so gone.
She would probably divorce me if she found out. As it is I'm hoping to outlive her & wondering if I'll have function left. I can't play often but It's better than crying in my beer
She would probably divorce me if she found out. As it is I'm hoping to outlive her & wondering if I'll have function left. I can't play often but It's better than crying in my beer.
Thank you gentlemen for all of these comments. It is gratifying to know that I am not alone.
Due to illness, both physical and emotional, the past 15 years (I am married 45 years) have been pretty much without sex - perhaps once or twice a year at most.
The decision to find that missing piece in the escort world of p4p 5 years ago was a difficult one but one that I can now say in retrospect was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. I have met some incredible women and had sexually satisfying experiences that I had never had before and could never even have dreamed were possible. I am happy and fulfilled and I am certain that the joy carries over into every aspect of my life.
I try to be very discrete and am loathe to think of what effect disclosure of my happy secret would have on my family.
Due to illness, both physical and emotional, the past 15 years (I am married 45 years) have been pretty much without sex - perhaps once or twice a year at most.
The decision to find that missing piece in the escort world of p4p 5 years ago was a difficult one but one that I can now say in retrospect was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. I have met some incredible women and had sexually satisfying experiences that I had never had before and could never even have dreamed were possible. I am happy and fulfilled and I am certain that the joy carries over into every aspect of my life.
I try to be very discrete and am loathe to think of what effect disclosure of my happy secret would have on my family.
Being a good client has not stopped a recent spate of no shows and last minute cancellations. Including from repeats. Given the hassle I go through to make these appointments work, this is pretty much turning me off this hobby. I decided to give it one last shot today, and sure enough I get cancelled on at the last minute. The excuse given is a complete insult to my intelligence. Given the slight probability that I am not being lied to, I will not out this person and the others who have done the same thing. I would rather withdraw than mess with someone's livelihood just in case these cancellations are actually legit.
Hobbying started off as a positive experience for me, and I hope all of you guys continue to enjoy, but for me I am likely done. The customer service in this business leaves a lot to be desired. I consistently book in about the $500/hr range for at least 2 hours, so I don't think the problems I am having are due to me being cheap.
End of rant. I have also dumped VIP so I cannot be PM'd, in case anyone is thinking of sharing war stories. TER needs a way for the hobbyist to discretely share NCNS and frequent cancellers, so that we customers can lower the probability of getting this treatment. TER would still be getting my money if it offered this capability, as would a select group of ladies that I would be spending many thousands of dollars per year with.
One more victim of marriage here. 45 years with the last 10 being essentially sexless. The cost of divorce (both financial and emotional) keeps me here.
I have seen many fine ladies who have given me great comfort. See 2 on a constant basis.I don't feel guilty. Her decision to nix sex,not mine.I guess this is my life forever. Would be intolerable without the girls of pleasure.
My wife knows. It is a "vacation" we give each other. Our sex life is still good, but while I have certain needs she cannot fulfill, so does she. For me, it is a much easier time finding the right escort to scratch my itch. She on the other hand struggles to find a male escort that is not bi, and reputable. Yes, we are both 60, both still healthy, both with active libidos. I haven't seen this as a thread before, so this may be a rather unique situation.