I’ve been pampered and re-pampered, gifted and re-gifted and frankly, I’m exhausted. I feel like a million bucks. I feel like Donald Trump without the hair jokes. I’m a bright enough fellow and I still can’t think of a way to thank my friends for being my friends. Kim & Lucky Marty for the immense effort it takes to put up a huge, safe and comfortable event. The great gifts & cards from Coochie, Char, Karrie, Lex & Mrs. Lex, and so many others.
And to my friends who all lied to me. Bunch of seasoned-silver-tongued-liars.
They’ve known for a month that Dawn was coming to town to be my date but they didn’t let on.
I blush, truly, when I think how fortunate I am to have such generous, thoughtful friends. It makes me weepy.
They were gonna spring Dawn on me after the guests had arrived but they were afraid I was going to cry when I saw her and didn’t want me embarrassing myself. So they brought Dawn in before the guests arrived, just in case. But I didn’t get the weepies when I saw her…instead I was in shock because Dawn had lied so brilliantly the night before on the phone. They all lied. All my lovely friends. Lied for weeks.
The reason Kim thought I’d cry at the sight of Dawn is because I got all choked up at the first gift they got me a couple weeks before. They had the scheme of buying new clothes for me for the party. (I’m a well-established slob.) And when Kim took me to buy some shoes I just felt…so deep-down-glad to be next to her in her car. So utterly confused and joyful that somebody gave a shit about something so unimportant as what I wore. I was slightly tearful.
So they all think I’m a pussy.
So that’s why they didn’t surprise me with Dawn in front of everyone. In case I was a pussy.
So if you liked my outfit at the party you’ll have to talk to my wardrobe consultants because I have no idea what I was wearing except that they were clothes of love.
The party started for me after I finished filling out all the nametags and I was having a beer with Wild West Kelly. Kim was running around naked after her shower and needed to go out to run an errand. Wild West Kelly had a terrible knot in her back. Kim told her to have me rub it out. “He’s good at that!”
Kim headed out the door and Kelly got undressed and laid across the table that would eventually become the refreshment table for the party. I gave her the full impact rub down and started working on her tensed up back. My secret goal was to rub her until she dozed off…quietly set up the party food all around her beautiful naked body…then open the door and let the party begin!
But I didn’t.
That was a hell of a knot she was developing and I did my best to eradicate it.
So Kelly’s getting ready for the party, I finish putting on my new duds. And the door swings open and there’s Dawn and Kim! Surprise! We have our reunion and it was grand! Then Mr. Self Destruct arrives with Ashleelala. Ashlee changes into some red leather pants and I couldn’t help but to whack her butt to test them out. Lisa from Sacramento (babe!) and Jake the security guard took Wild West Kelly for the grocery run. Dawn and I put on our fancy shoes.
Debra of Palmdale arrived with Ace in the Hole. They’re a dashing couple. Ace is a hell of a guy. The opening trickle of folks wasn’t as thick as last year and that made the fashionably late crowd pour in like a kinky tidal wave!
Kim’s double partner, Carla (of the sugar-coated breasts) was on hand to tend bar! She’s so damn hot you have to rub a cold bottle of chardonnay over your balls to keep from poking the bar with your hard-on.
Randy-the-Man came with a shock of pink hair and the angelic Heaven Leigh on his arm. She’d come all the way from Phoenix. I saw her across the room and our eyes met! I wanted her to be on roller skates so she’d get to me faster. I had an immediate fantasy of her dressed up in full roller-derby gear speeding towards me, elbowing and head butting and grabbing some joker’s head and whacking it into the edge of the railing and then rolling over to wear I was sitting and straddling me and planting a hot juicy roller-derby-smooch on me with her bright red lips. Grrrrrr.
Mimi and Katie were there! Very pretty! I ended up with a little lusty crush on Katie and those frosty eyes and ginger spicy smile. Lauren was hot hot hot! And Christina’s Web and Gentleman Jim were very dapper.
Then a mega-long limo pulled up. This ostentatious Hummer. I get over to the far side of it to greet the new arrivals and there’s this dark haired beauty. She seemed to be chilly. She was standing next to the chauffer who was a nice looking bald headed guy. I could tell he was the chauffer because he was dressed impeccably and had just helped the exceedingly hot babe out of the limo. Turns out it was Lex Luethor. I was embarrassed at my faux pas but not enough to keep it a secret from him. I just stood there like a putz and told Lex that I thought he was the driver. (I mean, if you’re gonna stick your foot in your mouth you might as well bite it off.) Besides, it’s about time Lex met someone who was a true and actual social misfit…and not the convincing act he puts on all over the TER boards. The hottie next to him was his wife! I mean that’s his actual babe-a-licous WIFE! She’s hobbied with Lex a couple times. Lex is always playing the self-depreciating scoundrel on the boards. Did I mention that the hottie next to him was his WIFE and HOBBIES with him?! And that he’s at least as good-looking as your above-average chauffer and dresses really well? I bet he’s hung like a Russian Race Horse as well. The son of a bitch has it all. He’s been pulling our legs, boys and girls, and his evil plan of leading us into a false sense of sweetness has been revealed at last. Mrs. Luethor, who I shall call “JL” was quiet and charming and I liked her on contact.
Who comes out of the limo but...
(continued in next box)
-- Modified on 11/4/2005 10:41:05 PM
-- Modified on 11/4/2005 10:59:43 PM
(continued)
Who comes out of the limo but Karrie! I love Karrie! I think she’s groovy! I think she’s sexy! I think she’s the best thing since sliced bread! I want a sandwich made with Karrie! I wish I could buy a week with Karrie and eat sandwiches in Paris. Karrie and I always seem to have fun at parties. She gave me some amazing gifts (one of which was homemade and priceless! One of which vibrates when you attach them to your nipples!)
Then out of the Limo came two women who were as lithe as sexy Kaminoans in Star Wars – Attack of the Clones. Long and graceful as a two-headed swan. All the way from Vegas. The dark one made me wet my panties. She moved through the door like a panther. Dana. Then there was the red one, Angel, who was like a sleek gazelle. There was only one fellow I knew who could wrangle these two jungle creatures into an enclosed Hummer! (Pun intended) And that would be Dr. Gonzo, who emerged from the Limo like an impending thunderstorm just before an outdoor Rock Concert. Nice entrance Doctor!
Ajay arrived! What a sweetheart! I didn’t get to talk with her much and I regretted it awfully.
Brooke Butler and I danced! She’s looking so hot and she asked if I knew that she was retiring. I almost fell off of my new shoes. She’s had an amazing year for herself.
Anya came walking down the alley towards the door and was back-lit like she was walking out of a Lina Wertmuller film. She was dressed in a vintage Hollywood dress and all the ladies checked out the cool threads. Darlene was looking very foxy in her casual chic. Very pretty woman.
I gave Karrie some birthday spankings. She seemed to enjoy them. I did as well.
Sexxy Sarah coiled around me like an impending orgasm and asked if there was going to be a kissing contest. (Right at that moment, Dawn called me away…. Torn between two lovers…feeling like a fool.)
Dana and Angel wanted me to rub their velvety dresses. It’s possible I succumbed.
Mr. Self Destruct said he wanted to take a road trip to Vegas with me.
Heaven Leigh took off my belt, had me kneel on the chair and whooped me very hard on my ass. Over and over. If she was going to give me all 46 birthday spankings I was going to be one sore submissive. She was whacking me so hard that I achieved Tourette’s Syndrome. I hadn’t cursed that much since I rode the Zipper at the State Fair. Marty was shouting, “He’s a pain slut! He’s a pain slut!” Dana seemed interested in the proceedings. So was Dawn!
I thought I had made it very clear that I was anything but a pain slut…unless we’re talkin’ nipples. Heaven told me to show her my ass. I politely stepped from in front of the doorway so I wouldn’t moon the entire party and she inspected her handy work. The best thing about being whooped is the caresses you get in-between whacks. (You can’t have an omelet unless you crack some ass.)
Back at the front door, all the gorgeous women who were waiting to use the restroom were sitting on Jake the security guard. Kim told me that he was getting lap dances all night long. So I gave him a lap dance so I could use the bathroom. Kim laughed. Poor Jake didn’t know what hit him.
Karrie got put over Kim’s knee, her dress went up and Kim spanked Karrie’s bare bottom. Karrie said she was wet. So Kim reached under and put her finger in Karrie’s pussy to check. I put Kim’s finger in my mouth to double check. Then Karrie went outside and shook a bit so pussy juice dripped on to the cold concrete. What a waste.
Freedom Rider was frisky, Chipmunk was generous and Stumpy was covered in hot women. Desperado was dashing and Psyguy was talking with Estella Leon in a foreign language. Estella was very spicy and made me thirsty. Megan Riley mixed me something potent and I think she changed the name of it after she saw the color. Avalon Rose wore a dress that fit her so perfectly that I thought I should take it off her to see if it was real. I like Rosie. She always stands very close to me and breathes on my face. Yum!
Mia the Kissing Bandit is dreamy. I always want her to hold me until I fall asleep.
I couldn’t stop staring at Christina…one of Wild West Kelly’s dear friends. She seemed like the real deal and I wished I had gotten to speak with her more. I hope I can make her dinner sometime.
Waterclone was an awfully nice guy. I liked Randy-The-Man as well.
Somewhere out there is a photograph of Coochmeister, Lex, Mr. Self Destruct and myself. The four horsemen of the apocalypse. Coochie looks like Paul Newman’s little brother. Damn he’s a good guy. What a warm spirit.
Lex and JL stayed pretty close together. They were either keeping tabs on each other or were trying to figure out which victim to take back to their hotel room.
I have such a torch for Char! I gave her back the dildo she left at my house. I was sad to part with it. But she left behind a big plastic container full of her home cooked taco meat. I’ve been eating it all week.
It was time to head out. Dawn and I jumped in my car and drove to our bridal suite.
Usually Dawn walks into a room and yanks off her dress and kicks off her shoes in an effort to be unencumbered as soon as possible. She’ll be naked and sitting in front of her computer before you can close the door and turn the key.
But tonight she kept her clothes on. And I knew why. And it made me feel nice.
We smooched an awfully long time.
I kept whispering… “You’re here. You’re here.”
And she kept saying… “I am! I am!”
That’s the Report From the Field.
-- Modified on 11/4/2005 10:50:12 PM
-- Modified on 11/4/2005 11:00:39 PM
Lex.....say nothing or else.....JP I want a dinner or the picture goes to the highest bidder. I also have a pretty great pic of Dawn and me in our party outfits! I still can't believe I wore leather pants, that was so cool. Your party was so cool. Thank you Kim, Marty,MSD,Dawn and JP I really had a wonderful time. Hey can I have Jake for Christmas??
Hello Kim, kiss marty for me....he's a hottie too
There is nothing remotely akin to a
"diatribe" in JP's field report. If you don't like reading them DON'T. To promulgate your ignorance of English vocabulary as you do is painful to the rest of the community so keep it to yourself if you would.
"di·a·tribe"
n.
A bitter, abusive denunciation
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=diatribe
FR.
the cynical every man pays for it. To wow there is a heart and soul to this hobby.
I am impressed by your generocity and those who share in it with you.
I hope you truly get how much a gift you have.
Thanks for sharing the memories, for the eyes for detail, and the words to describe them.
...reading about what a great time YOU had! Not too sure I can live up to that Paul Newman business. But happy birthday all over again, I'm glad it was special, you deserve it.
-- Modified on 11/7/2005 4:32:57 PM
And I still haven't even written thank you notes yet! Oy!
...and I swear it's not just because I'm mentioned in this one.
A sincere thanks for including me (us) in all this.