and if it cost me his business, then let it be. I called him and said the mail exchanges were getting to close to comfort for me and I blocked her mail address. I wished him luck with his situation and said I could not get myself involved any deeper.
Thanks for you advices, it was very helpful.
Being a provider makes me go thru some funny or sometimes hard situations.
Most of the times, I can figure how to deal with things...but I'm in the middle of some funky stuff and I really not sure how to handle at this point.
Here is the story, it started few years ago.
I met this client about 3 years ago. He's a powerful man, with lots of connections "up there" in the business & political world.
He likes to "treat" his clients...he takes them to trips, parties, dinners, clubs. And he hires me pretty often to entertain them.
When I'm in certain areas of the US, he calls and give me a list of people that I should book. He takes care of the financial arrangements and all, I just need to make the guys happy.
This business of mine with him has been real good for both of us. He gets what he wants from these guys and I get to meet people in high places who have helped me in some business situations as well.
Everything has been perfect, until few weeks ago when his wife found out about me. Yeah, she did lots of digging and snooping around and came up with my name and confronted him.
Coincidentally (or not) then same day she found out, he was away on one of his trips with a bunch of his clients and I was suppose to join them and take care of the entertaining part.
That morning, I got a strange mail...with lots of questions, signed by a guy BUT had a womans print all over. My red flag went up. I was packing to fly to meet them, but something was nagging me and I called him and told about the mail.
He was quiet for a moment and said it was a concidence because his wife asked him about me before he left for his trip. He told her about why he contacted me and that we didn't have sex, it was just business. Which is a partial truth of course.
We went thru all the possibilities of how she found out, he never contacted me from home and he was extra careful about our liasons.
I offered to reply to the mail and steer her mind away. He agreed and here is where things took a twist.
I did reply the first mail the best I could and sent him a copy. She mailed back and I replied again and sent him a copy. She mailed again and again and then...we became buddies!!!
From being suspicious of her husband, this woman is now asking me for advices in how to do this or that and we have discussions about my life as a whore and her life as a wife.
When the mails turned into a "girls" thing, I stopped to send him copies. When this woman started to pour her heart out and trusting me with intimate things I didn't feel I should share that with him.
Now, I'm in the middle of a complicated situation where involves loyalty to this man, my client, who did so much for me...and the respect for this womans privacy.
What should I do????? I need some wise insight from you guys in how to handle this delicate situation.
The great words of Thomas Jefferson
DENY DENY DENY
Well its what you should of done anyhow.
I AM sure she is holding all the emails as evidence.
Although it some states they dont hold up on a court of law.
I had the same thing almost happen to me 3 months ago.. is your friend from CT?
Quit emailing her.
-- Modified on 11/3/2005 4:54:18 AM
what is the problem with having separate relationships?
Be powerful with your life and be upfront and clear with whats going on. Tell him that the letters have become personal in nature and just as you said that they are about seeking advice on life. If he has a problem with that, then follow the money and ask him how he would like you to make this go away?
If he is ok with it, then be honest with her.
Just be careful you are not incriminating yourself for future dealings. Make sure you are not giving them the sword for you to fall on when the shit hits the fan. It is much easier to blame the evil hooker than to admit that they did this kind of business.
Remember evidence of your existance can either protect you or hurt you. Dance with the devil and you often feel the heat.
Ciara,
I'm NOT doing anything without HIS consent. He knows and have copies of all the mails I received and sent to her and he even helped me write some of my responses.
She knows his business, this is not about a divorce situation, because that's not the case. She seems to be a smart woman and they have been married for a loooooong time. And happily I might say.
The last 3 mails she sent me was very personal and I'm not sure if I should send copies to him. I didn't reply of course, reason I'm here asking for advice.
And, I don't think he had any dealings with you. Not going to say where he's from, sorry. I'm also disguising the way I'm describing my dilema. I would never disclose any information that can jeopardize his identity. And, he's not a guy who has time to be on the boards either.
-- Modified on 11/3/2005 5:40:58 AM
Im afraid you are in the middle of a big game my dear..
Cease ALL emails and knock on someone elses back door. If anyone will see you that is. Now they know if the wife ever contacts you, You knock at her front door. This is just the sort of thing WE DO NOT Need in this hobby.
The wife asked me the same thing. Although I saw this gent I am speaking of for only an hour or three ( I really cant remember now how long it was ) She was married to him for 16 years. And wanted to know how to make him happy in the bedroom ? I knew him for less than a few hours. I wanted to tell her "If ya dont know within 16 years, and I know in one hour, you will never know "
Of course she left many doors open for me to hit that reply key, I did nothing.
-- Modified on 11/3/2005 8:47:15 AM
Your ship is sinking and you have no clue. You need to get some friends that are NOT in the business that can give you perspective and have that unconditional positive regard that we need, so you do not jepordize your future clients. It may look fine now but get really comfy with the notion that you will be used as evidence in their future divorce and that will cost you not only time but money.
Just a couple sizes smaller and ending up soon on a porno cover at your local 24 hour slut video store in Midtown.
...and boys (and girls), she looks great.
In the state of Viginia one can be sued if they are the cause for a relationship breaking up. Not sure about other states. I have a buddy of mine who girlfriend on the side was sued by his wife for damages in causing the marriage to break up. He did not care about being discreet.
That is one of the nice things about being in the hobby. If this trust contract is violated things can be down right unsafe.
If I were a betting man (and I'm not), I'd put my money on Ciara being right.
I had a wonderful "open" marriage with my ex for several years. Now I'm opening cans of beans.
Here's hoping you beat the odds.
I agree that you need to get the hell out of communicating with his wife in any way. You are being played. Like you said, she is very smart; and given her husband is wealthy...is building a case to take him to the cleaners in divorce court.
You are not helping him in any way; you are very much helping her, but not the way you think. Do you honestly think this woman has no friends she could talk to about her personal problems and prefers to discuss them with a stranger?
Here's what I would do. Email her telling her that someone in your family has some huge problem, and that you need all your energy right now to deal with that, and that you'll email her when you can and tell her how it went.
Then don't EVER contact her again. Set your email to bounce any from her. You and the gentleman involved are too close to the situation to realize what is happening.
Then you get to spend years praying her lawyer does not contact you.
I'm sorry this has happened,and wish you the best.
-- Modified on 11/3/2005 9:58:26 AM
-- Modified on 11/3/2005 9:59:23 AM
I'm presuming that you haven't told her you've had sex with her husband? I doubt that you would have under any circumstances. So, it's too spooky to me that she has dropped her suspicions. I think if he has the power you describe that she is probably quite an operator herself. If she has a vengeance plan in mind, and she is this disciplined about it, you should probably buy some kevlar because it is going to hurt.
Other possibility: she's not directing it toward you, but she's manipulating you to get revenge on him.
Even if it turns out that she is sincere, she must realize that he cheated here, and so her emotion can't be stable. Either way, underneath there is some resentment lurking here. In the latter case, it might not be directed toward you at least, but your client will take the fall here.
There may be other possibilities. I don't know, maybe she's planning on becoming a tryster after the divorce? Or maybe she is totally sincere and fascinated with the providers' life? But it seems to me she has you trusting her, a little easily given things.
Most important thing, and this sounds like even more of a soap opera, I would get some intel. Find out if she has been vengeful in the past. Find out if her fascination for your "life" makes any sense from interests beforehand. It's crucial that you find out what motivates her unaccountably strange behavior. That's what I would try to do as the first step.
But that's not easy. Good luck. You have no power in this circumstance right now.
PS-- actually Tigress' plan sounds like the best. Presume that you're being played. It certainly looks like it.
-- Modified on 11/3/2005 10:16:25 AM
The tone and substance of your story is naiive. And you cannot afford this endearing characteristic as a provider.
A girl thing? You two are buddies? Come on! I am embarrassed for you! She is probably obsessed with trying to control her husband, and you will be collateral damage. Your client doesn't sound too bright.
sooner or later, wind up in divorce court - it might not, but I'd give you 5-1 that they're in court within 3 years, and your e-mails are one of the subjects.
You may or may not get sucked in, eg, deposed. But there's a fair chance you will, and it can't be good for you, with 2 lawyers discussing your business.
Yes, many states allow a cause of action for intentional interference in a marital relationship. If you're in one of those states, and have assets, you could become a target.
Really old old principle of war: don't try to figure out what a person INTENDS to do; focus on what they have the ABILITY to do.
Even if she is not playing you (yeah, some women can out-conspire Machiavelli) she can find a lawyer or shrink tomorrow to change her mind.
Try this...abruptly stop answering her emails. See if she then changes her friendly tone and reveals her true agenda by threatening you. Then play her back by completely ignoring her threats (act just like you never even read them, although do not actually say that) and then sending her the 'family problems need all my energy etc" email and doing the other things I noted; bounce her future mail, never respond to her again.
That way she gives up important information while you do not. It is of supreme importance that you *do not engage her in any way* if her tone changes; you want information; not to give her further ammunition.
You need to approach this as a game; I'm 97% sure that's what it is to her...however you have everything to lose, and she everything to gain. You cannot afford to give up anything else.
I think your idea is what I'd do, but you may want to send it direct to her, she may not read our sub-thread.
and if it cost me his business, then let it be. I called him and said the mail exchanges were getting to close to comfort for me and I blocked her mail address. I wished him luck with his situation and said I could not get myself involved any deeper.
Thanks for you advices, it was very helpful.
Us gals got to be smart in this line of work. BTW,
I've found that reading scam buster sites, and books like "Secrets of Power Negotiating" and "You Can Negotiate Anything" really sharpen my ability to catch traps and understand how to work with situations like these as if they were a game, and not personal.
They really help you stand back from a situation and then think three moves ahead, instead of how I used to react, which was WTF!? Panic!
Way less stressed too 
That if he is a wealthy and well connected man, his wife has him by the balls already and does not need BDG for one second if the intent was simply to extract revenge and get money. Divorce lawyers would kill to represent a woman like that and believe me, they will find plenty of dirt on him without scant knowledge of BDG. And they would certainly bloody him publicly, again without BDG.
Maybe the wife never let loose and is comtemplating living out her sexual fantasies, who better to talk to than a PRO.
The only person that can have any real idea of what is happening is BDG. If she is comfortable with what is happening, then who are we to doubt her faith.
Yes. Then the acid wore off and I snapped back to reality.
*whew*
I did mail to her explaining that we were two different people, living in different worlds and that we should not mix because it was not a good combination.
I told her I had nothing else to say and I was telling the truth about my dealings with her husband and whatever happened it was a private matter between them and I didn't want to have any more involvement because I had too many things of my own to worry about. I sent a copy to him.
She mailed back, apologized for bugging me with questions and agree to stop the mailing.
That was yesterday afternoon. He called me in the evening saying everything worked out fine.
Thanks again, I'm a bit naive and I tend to trust people, no matter what. I always try to see the brighter side, never the darker.
"I always try to see the brighter side, never the darker."
Never change that
All you need is more information so that you can make decisions about possible outcomes in any situation that may be more accurate. If we don't try and see the brighter side, we become lousy human beings, and even worse escorts. Sounds like you did exactly the right thing for the situation and for yourself
You can still entertain clients for him. I suggest that you leave things from his end at that.
Without having seen the emails, it is hard for an outside to discern his wife's intentions. Only you can do that. You seem to be wise, if I can judge by your posts now and past. If you have judged her to be honest and sincere, then so be it.
and he wants to make up for it. He asked me what I want. What I need. I said nothing, just knowing things got resolved in a positive way was enough for me.
His wife apologized about the whole incident of snooping on his business, they made up and he was all happy with the way I handled things for him.
And I'm happy too, because the last thing I want is to cause harm to ANY of my clients, specially a guy like him who always treated me nice, with respect and gave me tons of business too.
I'm feeling relieved now, knowing that whatever I did, in fact helped him. I was really worried and stressed with the whole situation.
Thanks again guys!
Glad it ended well for you. Do you think we can get a url for your web site?
Quite
Perhaps I missed something in the post, but I got the impression the wife first tried to "trick" you by emailing you escort questions under a guy's name.
Since red flags went up, why did you even respond in the first place? Perhaps the wife had doubts about your occupation and your dealings with her husband. Now there's no doubt you're an escort. You just gave her a loaded gun for future use.
It's quite possible the wife is sincere right now about wanting bedroom advice and wanting to improve her marriage. That's great....until she gets angry again at hubby, then you have divorce lawyers AND LE investigating you.
It's too late to undo what you have done, but if this were me, I'd cease all further communication immediately with the wife, and be extremely careful in your dealings with the husband.