-- Modified on 9/19/2005 7:58:38 AM

Trying to be clearer here...

My point was simply this: there is an economic reality to her working.  Its neither good nor bad, but it is what you make of it.  And you two were making it work, both sexually (she did her part) and financially (you did your part, and she provided for those counting on her).

YOU were freaked out with a peek behind the scenes of the fantasy...but never said anything about HER being either freaked out nor exploited.  Perhaps a little nervous, which is easily explained if she is either new to the biz or an infrequent provider (i.e. side income augmentation rather than regular provider).  Either way, the freaking out part - and all the negatives - were in your head, not in her bed.

Nobody wants to think of their bed-partner as having full-time boyfriends/husbands/lovers/kids/others, but in truth they have full-time lives as rich and challenging as anyone....perhaps even more so.  She may have been a bit nervous, but so are folks in other lines of work - from getting up on stage to fighting fires to being under fire.  But the work goes on, and you deal with the performance anxiety - on both sides.

I'm in the somewhat strange position of loving & living with providers for most of my (adult?) life, and perhaps I'm bent in being more comfortable with the reality of that life.  Behind the scenes...after the clients go home and the makeup comes off.  I cant imagine living and loving a cop, firefighter, or soldier would be all that different...scary, rewarding, and sometimes hard - same as any real relationship.  Most of the regular working ladies I know work it as a lifestyle - i.e. are not in it JUST for the money, but its still exciting, stressful, and frankly hit-or-miss as to connecting with a client.

I do my job because I enjoy it mostly, because it allows me to reap the benefits of decent renumeration (i.e. cash), and that in turn allows me to live in the lifestyle I want - new shoes for the kids, mortgage, and sometimes even a full tank of gas....Sometimes its a thrilling rewarding job, but sometimes I'm grinding away, and other times I panic with realization of the weight of the lives counting on me doing it well.  She could easily choose a different line of work, but sounded pretty clear that nobody forced anybody, and nothing seedy nor inappropriate was involved.

So I still dont see the conflict...and thought you came out way ahead with her revealing intimacies a more jaded provider would never have shared.

Lastly as to Jazz's comment about how to never sleep with someone who is in agony sleeping with you, I'll look to LexL's comments and reply tounge-in-cheek: Dont marry her.

 -- Deep 'didn't think this was that hard' Heat


   ...always nice to add a visual....

-- Modified on 9/19/2005 9:01:51 PM

never been in your situation. Though I'd prefer not to be in your situation, I can understand how you feel; we hobbyists are ordinary people just as the providers are. We have compassion.

I don't know if it's prudent to say that I've been fortunate that I've only met a handful of providers who have families and kids, to my knowledge anyway. When I see them, I prefer not to talk about their families unless they come out during a casual conversation. I usually try to avoid the subject; I'm there to enjoy and have fun. Part of my screening involves avoiding the very situation you've faced; it's hard for me to go thru' with the acts if I know she's married and her husband is at home looking after her kids. *sigh*.

I'm living, working, and playing in Europe for a few months.  You wouldn't believe the number of Russian, Czech, Serb, Croat, Turkish, etc., ladies listed with various agencies in London alone whose ability to speak English is listed as basic.  I know that many entered the business having made the same circumstances and choices as the ladies in the states.

However, there have been numerous reports recently of the size of sex slave trade in Europe.  These women have been forced into this "little" economy, and kept in it against their will, receiving little, if anything in return.

I enjoy getting to know the ladies I meet, and through either their posts or our conversations, the marital and family situations of most of ladies I've met since I more active in the hobby this year.  I'm confident that these women are in the business by choice, and I think, really enjoy their life.

My biggest fear is that I will inadvertanly seek pleasure from someone for whom even seeing me is agony.  Any suggestions of how to prevent this?

http://www.brama.com/issues/havrylenko.html

http://glossynews.com/aol/whiteslave.php

http://www.npf.org.tw/PUBLICATION/NS/091/NS-C-091-305.htm

http://www.aftenposten.no/english/local/article970131.ece

http://www.ziaruldeiasi.ro/forumimg/Forum1/HTML/000116.html

http://www.standartnews.com/archive/2005/08/28/english/bulgaria/

http://www.walnet.org/csis/papers/doezema-loose.html