I think this is the apparent de facto danger of the hobby/profession. While I have never found myself so completely entranced and enchanted with one of the ladies that I have met that I would confuse love with pleasure, I find it easy to see how some guys might. As an epicurean, I find it easier to dissociate feelings during the hour or two from the remainder of my world and hers. Some men most likely blend an hour of pleasure with a woman who is not just acting but feeling and expressing passion with the rest of their intuitional experiences. This means that they cannot separate love for real and role-played love and passion for an hour. This is a reasonable dilemma. Therefore I suggest the following:
Guys, there are some fantastic women out there. I have met a few. Please realize that this is a game... a demonstrative facade meant to fool your senses for the utmost in pleasure and stress relief. If you choose to let go and buy into the gfe, make sure you are of the emotional and mental fortitude to find your way back to reality after your time is up.
Ladies, be easy on the guys that fall for you. Heartbreak can be as devastating as a heart attack. That is not to excuse this guy (or any other) for his misguided actions, but instead to possibly find a way to relay to these guys EARLY on that this is a fantasy and not reality. You may be hesitant to do this because you may be afraid this will cost you a repeat customer, but in the end machiavellianism is never justifiable (the ends never jusitfy means).
I hope I am not coming across too pedantic. Just my two cents, and I hardly post anyways. Gentlemen, have fun and be safe. Treat these ladies with respect. Ladies, please do the same. Best wishes to all.
J.
Just because you see me and we have a good time, do not think I want to be with you. Do not think I want to marry you. Do not think we were meant to be. Do not think we are mates for life. This is the third time this year I have had to dismiss a friend because he thinks we should have a serious relationship and the sixth time since I have been hobbying. I am losing friends and it's not good. At our first meeting he only wanted an hour but after that it has been two hours then three. I see him three times a week. Very sweet man but he has been sending me emails saying he is falling for me and we should be together and be life mates (what the hell is that?) Today at our scheduled appointment before anything happened, he asked me outright if he left his wife, would I be with him! Oh Gawd!In one way it is flattering but in another way it is scary. Fellas, Tig doesn't want a relationship. Tig doesn't want a man. Tig doesn't want a life partner. Tig doesn't want you to leave your wife. Tig is fine just the way things are. We may have good times together but let's leave it like that. When our time together is up, you go back into your world and I stay in mine. I know the difference between the real world and fantasy world. It's too bad this guy doesn't. 
I went through this recently. I fell completely for an SP that I saw only once. It was (and still is) awful. I had enough wits about me to know that it was a hopeless, stupid situation; I never even started to expect any kind of relationship, but the feelings were very real, very unexpected and very devastating. I hadn't fallen in love in 20 years. I had forgotton what it was like. You don't control who you fall for; those feelings have no regard for the reality or plausability of the situation at hand. Who knows, you may find yourself in the very same tortured situation, someday!
I wasn't dumb enough to try to persue a relationship with my SP, but I was dumb (?) enough to communicate with her about it. And I must say, I received the sweetest, most compassionate response to my feelings for her. She accepted the compliment of my feelings for her, and she acknowledged that those feelings are understandable and part of what makes us human. She also pointed out that in this hobby, the boundaries of the relationship are sometimes blurry; the hobby relationship doesn't resemble most other business or personal relationships you might have. I guess what I'm saying is that this just may be an occupational hazard, for both providers and clients.
That you are very convincing in your fantasy world.
The issues comes down to perhaps you are saying things that may give the impression that you "want more" then meeting on an hourly basis.
Or perhaps you are just so good and nice and beautiful that all the men want to keep you for themselves.
But I'm not. I am not saying anything about time together on the outside or about a relationship because that's not what I want.I do enjoy the hobby. I always enjoy myself. I don't do rush jobs. I don't book back to back.I don't even see a bunch of friends in a day. I prefer just two maybe three a day but I prefer two. I am a romantic so could that be it? I have candles going in the living room and all the way to the bedroom. I have flowers set out and love music playing.I love lingerie and stockings. I love smelling good and dressing up in my most sensual garments and anticipate your arrival. My favorite style is to wear my hair up and as we proceed, you letting it down. That's an act in itself. Mmmmmm! I love DFK. I can't do a session without it. It's so intimate and highly sexual. A hot deep kiss can make me go from 0 to 60 in two seconds. I love hugging and cuddling. Is it because of this why this happens? I am not a cold fish. I can't just lay there and let things happen and not interact. What can be hotter than rolling around under the covers naked while kissing, groping, licking, touching and feeling another on top of you, you on top of him, closing your eyes and enjoying what is being done to your body? Relishing the sensations vibrating through my body, feeling your hot breath on my face as I bring you closer to ecstasy, watching the sweat run down your body and lifting up just a little to lick it off your nipples, feeling your body get hotter and wetter, biting my lip as you go in deeper and harder, suppressing my groans and feeling my pulse increase, you hearing me gasp and me hearing you moan, grabbing you and pulling you towards me for a kiss of passion and lust.Isn't that hot? I have this thing I do. I have to look in your eyes to see the enjoyment and excitement in your eyes. It adds so much more to it and intensifies the experience don't you think? I won't change the way I do things. I hate that this does happen but I won't become mechanical just so this doesn't happen. Sorry but I refuse.
Tig, wish you would list your web site so we could visualize your words. All of us do not know you.
You are the type of provider that sets the bar very high among providers. Take his fascination with you as a testament to your excellence...and call me as soon as possible.
If my wife was anything like that, I wouldn't be here.
I'll take it!
Cheers!
discussing. Based on writing skills, I think I've fallen for you. You should have every client sign a disclosure statement that they have been informed that you are so damn good, there is risk of falling totally in love w/ you.
-- Modified on 9/9/2005 7:12:54 AM
-- Modified on 9/9/2005 8:03:24 AM
hell, even if you do, can I be a friend w/ benefits? LOL
I haven't had quite so many offers, but it is confusing and embarrassing when this happens.
good luck, and be safe
The only thing you can do for these guys that are falling for you is to become a little less available. Be willing to forego their weekly contribution because they are being foolish and just a little egomanical in my way of thinking. If they don't get the idea and stop the behavior, then be willing to say that you will absolutely not entertain them. Sometimes the great ones fail to set boundaries for fear that it may mean a loss of income. I say this business is all about boundary setting from not performing in a way that degrades you to setting choices for what makes a good session for you. The price of admission is not an absolute right to take any and everything from the candy store; it's like renting a locker for an hour or two to live out some of our fantasies perhaps or just get laid enough to have a smile return to our faces. Tell the ninnies to fall in love for an hour at a time and no more. The best entreprenuers walk away from money all the time when something does not fit their natures.
-- Modified on 9/8/2005 8:40:00 AM
I remember that you posted once about a client who seemed to have the best time in his life the first time you saw him, and he said it, but he never called you again. I suggested then that he might have sensed himself in real danger of falling in love with you. What you've written here just about proves my point.
The smarter guys will do exactly what he did. A side effect of really amazing sex is that falling in love can always happen. Usually it's women who are more susceptible to this, but it can very well be men too.
Unfortunately, Tig, you'll have to either leave the profession, tone your skills down a little, or get used to breaking a lot of hearts and teach yourself the best ways to do it. The last might be the hardest thing about your professional life.
...that's kinda how I felt when you kept sending me all those emails.
but tell me, you're seeing someone else, right?
seen you twice in a week and then asked to see you the third time in the same week, that's when you shoulda put a stop to it and not let it go too far if the feeling is not mutual. You should've reduced your availability at that point.
I have to agree with the other posters that you must be really good for it to have happened six times. Wow. Where are you? Can I see you?
A guy wanting to see a lady 3 times in a week for 3+ hour appointments should have been a sure sign of an unhealthy infatuation. You bear some responsibility for this predicament but not putting a stop to it sooner. A good lady would recognize that this is one of the hazards of the profession and knows how to stop it from occurring and letting then guy off as gentle as possible. After 6 incidents (3 in the last year) have you learn anything to prevent it from happening in the future?
I understand that but I didn't stop it because I was having fun too. When you get DATY like that it's not easy to just say no but I understand what this is about. It's not about falling in love. I have had feelings for my friends but it's because of what they do to me that make them memorable, not love. This particular guy is very good at what he does and he isn't bad looking. I like his smile and his lips and his tongue, well you get it. Have I learned anything to prevent this from happening in the future? NO. I don't see where I am at fault. Excuse me for liking what he did to me and how me made my body tingle and quiver. Selfish, maybe but me at fault? No way. What is there for me to learn? Be cold and mechanical? Be mean and rush him out the door? Watch the clock the whole time and bark that he is taking too long? Sorry babe. No can do.
Sounds like you may not be taking the advice. I believe you've had a few good suggestions here. Since you bought the issue to the board, would you rather have us agree with you and the position you are taking? I mean if his touch is that good, would you consider giving him a free session for every one he purchased. My point is, no matter what you do, something has to change and it's got to be you. He's going to crash and burn sooner or later or worse, your presence in his life is going to cause issues in his other life that may already be happening. Try being "frank" at the very least that though you like him and would miss your time together, the romantic feelings have to cease. Anything short of that and you are being decitful.
-- Modified on 9/9/2005 6:58:11 AM
I do like our time together but not enough to have him wanting to be life partners (whatever the heck that is). The contact has been broken. I am no longer seeing him. I am glad though that I do have others who make me feel good and who know the difference between real and fantasy. I just wanted to vent my frustration and let some out there know that we are not all out looking for relationships. Thanks to all the guys for the information and compliments. 
Stay on the other side of a provider's life unless there are some extreme meetings of the minds. I know of a couple of guys that about lost their minds. We all know the power that intimacy has on the human psyche, but little do we know the extent that some will go to get it. I think that you are a better person for having let him down easy because when guys insist on becoming our favorites best friends or lovers, it usually does not work out and people on both sides get hurt.
...he's enamored with your "big ole' titties"...
( . ( .
Cheers!
I was nice as I always am on dates, did not act any differently, but somehow the client decided he should leave his wife and marry me. He must have been emotionally needy or lonely in his marriage, or maybe just unbalanced.
He started leaving 5-6 messages on my phone every day, left numerous emails, and sent flowers daily for three days until I told him to stop it and to cease all communication.
Very uncomfortable situation.
Did, somehow, during the course of post-coital conversation, the words "my mother would love that" come up?
Have you ever asked him to mow the lawn, put up the storm windows, fix the grout or take any children out trick or treating?
If you HAVEN'T said any of these things, he'll want to marry you just by default.
My recommendation is to mention one of these things on your third or fourth date with any man.
Once a provider shortened the chain on my toliet while she was in there, making it flush much better.
I kinda wanted to marry her after that.
(so my technique could backfire)
But I'm in touch with my feminine side.
Obviously from the posts you (Tig) are a terrific provider. The guy has major issues regarding boundaries. There must be some sort of loss or mental health issue in the guy.
I'm happy I can set limits and have the discipline to adhere to them.
I have this issue too. I guess some folks do not accept that this is a business arrangement although it's clear cut in my mind. I want to be welcoming to clients. Equally I find it hard to have to turn down offers to hang out socially. E.g. 'Why don't you come to my house and I'll massage you sometime?' The answer is no! Unless you're paying ;p
I think this is the apparent de facto danger of the hobby/profession. While I have never found myself so completely entranced and enchanted with one of the ladies that I have met that I would confuse love with pleasure, I find it easy to see how some guys might. As an epicurean, I find it easier to dissociate feelings during the hour or two from the remainder of my world and hers. Some men most likely blend an hour of pleasure with a woman who is not just acting but feeling and expressing passion with the rest of their intuitional experiences. This means that they cannot separate love for real and role-played love and passion for an hour. This is a reasonable dilemma. Therefore I suggest the following:
Guys, there are some fantastic women out there. I have met a few. Please realize that this is a game... a demonstrative facade meant to fool your senses for the utmost in pleasure and stress relief. If you choose to let go and buy into the gfe, make sure you are of the emotional and mental fortitude to find your way back to reality after your time is up.
Ladies, be easy on the guys that fall for you. Heartbreak can be as devastating as a heart attack. That is not to excuse this guy (or any other) for his misguided actions, but instead to possibly find a way to relay to these guys EARLY on that this is a fantasy and not reality. You may be hesitant to do this because you may be afraid this will cost you a repeat customer, but in the end machiavellianism is never justifiable (the ends never jusitfy means).
I hope I am not coming across too pedantic. Just my two cents, and I hardly post anyways. Gentlemen, have fun and be safe. Treat these ladies with respect. Ladies, please do the same. Best wishes to all.
J.