Thank you HandsFree. I totally agree. I need to spend the energy of surfing the web for the "perfect lay", if there is such a thing, and try to focus on being more productive (work, family, etc). My fear is that I've becomed a little obsessed with not only the act of sex with some hot lady, but the quest. Sometimes surfing the web can occupy so much of my time it is starting to affect my work. I'm sure there are people who are worse off that me, but I have been seeing a trend in my habits and need to either stop "cold turkey" or learn to avoid surfing and abusing this hobby. I've overcome bad habits before by focusing my energy on more productive things. I know I can do it. I think having a chat allows me to get it off my chest a little.
Thank you again.
Best Regards,
David
Hello,
I'm not really sure if anyone can help, but I'm looking for some honest advice. I've been "hobbying" for about 5 yrs and at first it was not a big deal. I only would meet about once a yr, then it increased to once/quarter and now it has increased to twice/month....I feel it is spiraling out of control....Does anyone know of any support groups to help break this addiction. I don't want to loose my marriage, family and career over this addictive hobby....
Please be serious..
Best Regards,
David
Yes, there are two well-known support groupss: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) and Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). Info about both is available online. The most important writer on the subject is Patrick Carnes. I'm not advocating these programs; I'm still in the hobby. But if I wanted to stop and felt I could not, that is where I would go.
hmmm...i might check out these groups. Not to get cured, but to check out the women.
Stay away from people places or things..
Spice up your life at home and talk to your wife about it...
If that doesnt work.. go to step 1.. 
-- Modified on 8/25/2005 5:44:25 PM
BK is followed by divorce.
Why not take the SHORT way out, CUT IT OFF!!
I don't yet wish to be cured but you sound ready to be.
http://www.sexualrecovery.com/
The hobby is hardly compelling if you are only going out twice a month. It's probably more like a priority and you are choosing it over spending the money on your family or your retirement. Now if you are saying it occupies all or most of your free time (searching etc.) then you might have a big problem, but let me save you some couch time. Your "addiction" has yet to reach the desparate stage. If you are truly looking to walk away, then you have to find a purpose that outlives you. Work toward something a lot more compelling than sex. There's got to be something that you always wanted to do; now is the time to do it. If you were running up your credit cards, missing work, staying away from home at night, you would have probably already lost your friends, family, job. Assuming that none of that is true, then it's likely you are not the worst among us who have hit the wall and are waiting to meet the street sweeper. Saying that you want help is a good first step, but a good second step is to take some steps that will loosen the grip a bit before you get around the real hard core abusers (and they exist) where your problems will seem small. I think that the SA groups and others are great if you have no other recourse, but I just hate to see people give up on themselves before they have really tried. I am not talking about staying away for a few months, although that is a start. I am asking you to fill that time with something that is a lot more compelling in your life. Humans have a great capacity to heal ourselves, but we often choose the easy way out (drugs, therapy) Choose to love yourself and your family more than pussy. It can be that simple if you REALLY want to change. Peace!
Thank you HandsFree. I totally agree. I need to spend the energy of surfing the web for the "perfect lay", if there is such a thing, and try to focus on being more productive (work, family, etc). My fear is that I've becomed a little obsessed with not only the act of sex with some hot lady, but the quest. Sometimes surfing the web can occupy so much of my time it is starting to affect my work. I'm sure there are people who are worse off that me, but I have been seeing a trend in my habits and need to either stop "cold turkey" or learn to avoid surfing and abusing this hobby. I've overcome bad habits before by focusing my energy on more productive things. I know I can do it. I think having a chat allows me to get it off my chest a little.
Thank you again.
Best Regards,
David
David,
Thanks for your kind words. I think many of us struggle to find a balance in our lives. The hobby is but one excuse we all use when things don't go as well as they could/should. Like our favorite provider, we often get set adrift in this world and the reasons we stay all become blurred after awhile. Please know that you don't walk alone on this issue. When I know that I want to see my favorite(s) more than I can afford or when my seeing them feels more like meaningless sex than being with an old friend then I curtail my activities and step up my volunteer work. Building a Habitat home or participating in a walk-a-thon give me a lot more fulfillment; doing things in the service of others and my wallet is less lighter too.
Step back and EXhale. We all must reach a similar decision at some point. Like you suggested, go away cold turkey if you must. I can see from your words that you have a decent handle on the problem. Whatever you do, no confessions, no cleansing your soul shit; too many others will get hurt by it. Just walk away and find the next great thing and INhale.
CiaraHasSpelling
CiaraHasACock and she'll use it on you.