I've been doing this for a very long time and have never been requested by a provider to do her fetish.
Recently I went to see a provider who flies under the radar and is very low volume. She has few reviews but none of them mention she has fetishes though they imply that she's a total nympho.
The reviews are right on. She loves sex. Suddenly when we're in the middle of it, she pulled out a scarf and put it around her neck and asked me to pull it and choke her with it. I was totally taken by surprise. I was a little apprehensive at first but complied with her request. She got really turned on when I increased the pressure around her throat by pulling the ends of the scarf more. The funny thing was that I sort of liked it a little. But after the fact the rational part of me told me it might be unsafe to do that. Come to think of it, it's scary, for me anyway. What if something bad happens to her? It takes a lot of trust onto someone to have him do that to you, more so because it's a first date.
Anyone else had this experience before?
When the lady is helping you discover your fetish world she will sometimes show you hers... Something like an ice breaker.
It's a huge trust issue, obviously. She must've liked you!
(MOM! I Met the most wonderful woman! We AutoErotic-Asphyxiated on the first date!!!)
After I posted this (she doesn't know my alias), she called and expressed she would like to meet me again. I liked her too but I'm just not sure if I'm comfortable doing that choking fetish again. I'm scared because I actually liked that fetish myself and worry if I lose control myself and over do it and something bad happens to her.
What's the best way to tell her I'm not comfortable doing that fetish without hurting her feelings? It's obvious that this fetish of hers is a huge turn-on for her. I'm not planning on writing a review on her yet but she definitely gave her a performance deserving a 10. I wanna see her again.
I'm NOT an expert but it's my general impression that this activity can be done safely. Personally, I would NOT avoid this woman, who sounds as hot as a firecracker. I'd see her again and tell her that her experiment really turned you on but you would never want to hurt her so you want to discuss boundaries etc. Listen to how she responds; it'll help you decide whether this girl's a keeper or a wacko.
I doubt you'd hurt her feelings. However, expect her to coax you into doing it again.
Tell her exactly what you told us but do it in person, on your next date. She'll probably be able to talk about her limits and you can voice your concern about yours, as you have just done very articulatly.
The next step is to set up "safe words" or a "safe signal" so either of you can call the proceedings to a halt instantly. Usually the words are "red" for stop and "yellow" (for caution, getting to the edge of one's threshold), or "green" (more of that please!)
But any word will do...as long as it isn't something that will confuse you in the act of passion like "stop!" (bad choice in a roleplay like this)
Some folks use "mercy".
If she's gagged you'll need to create a signal. I would never bind her hands if she's into being choked. So she can stop you physically if it gets to be too much.
You DO need to stay in control but you do NEED to explore this new fetish of yours. Chances are you won't need to do it everytime you have a sexual encounter. The fetish will evolve into something new. Explore it or you will stifle yourself. It's definately a dark side but it's not evil.
specific question to ask her: Is she aroused by the lack of blood to her head? The light-headedness? (that's squeezing her arteries, not her windpipe). Or is she aroused by the suffocation? (windpipe, much more dangerous physically) But genital smothering (being temporarily suffocated by breasts or coochies or assholes is a pretty popular fetish)
Lots of arousal with the choking fetish is not about physically losing blood to the head...(you can pop pills for that)
it's about the giving of control to another person. It's very powerful for her to give you control. It's very powerful for you to take it and admit you want it. You see the difference?
The two of you could find a way to explore this without you feeling like you're doing something you don't want to do. Bondage, blindfolds, spanking with hands, paddles and such...the list goes on forever. Exchanging power. Big turn on.
It sounds like you have an urge to dominate and she has an urge to submit. (Damn, that's a handy pairing!)
You need to get the basic books about BDSM and get started. I'll go look for some Amazon links for you. But the main rule is "Safe, Sane and Consensual" Which is pretty self-explanitory.
You've found someone who's willing and eager to explore what many folks find scarey. And she wants to do it with you! Don't back away! Relish in the rare opportunity and communicate with her! You won't lose control if you care about her. Taking power is about trust and compassion.
I love it when you talk dirty.
Master, did I walk across the rice paper without tearing it?!
I need to find the authors for those books for him.
1.SM 101: A Realistic Introduction
Jay Wiseman
2.
Loving Dominant
John Warren
3.Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission
Thats a start!!
or wouldn't you recommend that one?
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
Philip Miller, Molly Devon
I said don't look here.
-- Modified on 8/22/2005 8:40:31 PM
Have done it with a client who later became a client--b/f, then just a b/f, and now is still a close, dear friend.... Knew each other intimately in every way, wrote/ talked daily, basically fell in love, traveled to see each other many times, etc before we ever tried this.
Would only do it in a situation such as that -- S/M is great fun for those into it or who want to explore, but complete trust in the other is absolutely essential for safety and pleasure. So incredibly arousing to see him dominate me in a rather scary way, and then when he finally releases at our agreed-upon cue, it's fab love-making, glorious, as it's peaceful that you're safe with your lover, relieved he released and saved you (like a hero or the prisoner's situation, etc)....
And he gets a thrill out of feeling so powerful.... Usually, btw, this friend of mine is too gentle and kind and usually unties me quite soon, as he wants to be in my arms.... Can be very hot, and actually warm and tender! Such amazing sex afterwards......
I was DATY with someone I had seen before with another provider but this was our first time alone together
Things were going well as she seemed to like what I was doing but then she reaches down to my hands and holds them making pinching motions(very hard too)against her body...so I think Okaaay why not...jeeez she practically bounced off the ceiling once I began pinching...she loved it...I had never known anyone who liked that before
She had to have bruises all over her body the next day but she didn't have them when she arrived so I don't know how often she does this
There's a connection in the brain between pleasure and pain. It's a Jung thing, I think.
Bring a sack of clothespins for her next time!
Better yet, tie clothespins along a couple long thin ropes.
Attach them to her inner thighs throughout DATY and when she cums, yank the ropes to pop all the clothespins off at once!
Have a nice day.
will like that . As with everything ask her. Talking about things is so important. The thing you described is called a zipper can be way to much for alot of people.
...say, "I love you."
To which I reply: "Go get me a beer, and I'll say it."
I wouldn't pass around her info. We don't really know who's on the board, and you wouldn't want to give a predator a helping hand.
I have introduced a few providers to handcuffs and ball gags. Nothing like the muffled noise coming from a ball gag with breather holes in it. FUn to lick them down and finish them off with lap doggie. A few are reluctant on the first visit. On other visits they try the toys out. The ones that are into try it out the first time. Some like for you to put your hands over their mouth when you CUM.
I like dfk while cumming, is that a fetish?
or particular object belonging to the person by whom the impulse is excited, is called the fetish of the patient."
[E. Morselli in "Baldwin Dictionary of Philosophy," 1901]
So I think the answer is "yes" to your question.
Depends on how much you crave it.
-- Modified on 8/23/2005 1:53:53 PM
The dfk is for the first pop.
that qualify?
I'm still blushing!