To reduce the confusion for novice readers, we present, the pessimist's guide to decoding escort ads:

BBW = fat
Voluptuous = fat
Curvy = fat
Curvaceous = fat
Thick = fat
Rubenesque = fat
Womanly = fat
Hourglass = fat
Supersized = fat
Pic of face only? = fat
Pic of body under bedsheet? = fat
Gives bra size only? = fat
Busty = either saggy or fat
Naturally busty = saggy and fat
Real woman = saggy, fat and ugly

Slim = no boobs
Svelte = no boobs
Slender = no boobs
Dancer's body = no boobs
Runner = no boobs
Spinner = no boobs
Yoga = no boobs

Bombshell = fake boobs
Baywatch = fake boobs
Playboy = fake boobs
Model = fake boobs

Brazilian = black
Butterscotch = black
Caramel = black
Chocolate = black
Creole = black
Cuban = black
Dominican = black
Ebony = black
Egyptian = black
Eritrean = black
Ethiopian = black
Exotic = black
Hawaiian = black
Italian = black
Mahogany = black
Mocha = black
Mulatto = black
Nubian = black
Mixed = black

Mature = old
Courtesan = old
Gracious = old
Refined = old
Elegant = old
Classic = old
Conservative = old
Original = old

Age = A convoluted formula involving leap years and the square root of pi. One must generally add a few years, but there are some exceptions:
College Student = late 20's
Just turned 18 = mid 20's
19 = possible jailbait
21 = late 20's
28 = late 30's
mid 30's = 40 something
39 = 50 something

 
Other frequently used terms:
Intelligent = brunette
Sorority Girl = blonde
Selective = overpriced
Exclusive = very overpriced
Classy = can't afford lingerie
Freaky = doesn't shower between clients
Nasty = doesn't shower at all
Upscale = snooty personality
All American = all trailer trash
Princess = I have an attitude problem
Party girl = I'll be high on drugs
On fire = active herpes outbreak
Las Vegas = Bellagio prices, Motel 6 service
coed = plain looking with acne problem
girl next door = looks like the boy next door
Goddess = If you believe this is me in the pictures...
Real Doll = Bubba brings you an inflatable doll, no refunds
Energetic = methamphetamine addict
Down to earth = boring
College graduate = sleeps with professors
open minded = openly accepts tips
two girl show = one girl shows, one girl steals your stuff

New to business = changed name
New to area = changed name and moved across bay to Oakland
Only here for a few days = staying until bad reviews run me out of town

Up to an hour = 1 shot and she's gone.
Discreet = I check your ID
Discrete = I can't spell
Advance notice required = you'll never get a hold of me
Seeks generous gentleman = ROB (Rip Off Bitch) for the elderly
Seeks generous businessmen = ROB (Rip Off Bitch) for out-of-towners
Once in a lifetime experience = you won't repeat
I love what I do = I'm desperate for clients.
Satisfaction guaranteed = I guarantee I'm getting your money

snowbunny = white girl with a black pimp
Available 24/7 = my pimp doesn't let me sleep
AD WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS = my pimp can't type
aD wRiTTeN iN mIxED cAsE = my pimp is learning how to type

You won't be sorry = You'll be disappointed
You won't be disappointed = You'll be sorry

CMT = good massage, bad sex
FBSM = bad massage, good sex

What an ad DOESN'T say, is also a source of information:
Unless specified, you can assume:
hair color = brown
hair length = to shoulder
eye color = brown
age = mature
height = short
weight = heavy
cup size = small
measurements = large