...we need a secret handshake or something.

I see so many women in the "real world" that I'd love to get to know better...if only I knew they were providers.

If there's anything I've noticed, it's that providers' advertisements nearly always show a certain look in the eyes I call "provider glare".  I have rarely found a provider picture showing the eyes that doesn't have it.  (And sometimes the "glare" is obvious even with the face fuzzed out!)

No, not everyone with "provider glare" is a provider.  Some musicians have it too, especially musicians who get paid to sing from the heart.  Some actresses also have "provider glare".  People from societies with arranged marriages also seem to have the same "glare".  In artwork, one can see it in the eyes of Nell Gwynn and the Empress Theodora.

I do not see "provider glare" in most people I have ever met.  I have seen "provider glare" in the occasional woman I have met in everyday life, but it is not common.  When one looks into the eyes of a typical person, they look outward.  Powerful men often glare in a strongly outward direction.  Yet, the "provider glare" seems to be one of glaring "inwardly".

"Provider glare" is very different from a look of innocence, and is also very different from the look in the eyes of a murderer.  But it is distinctive.

I don't know where the "glare" comes from, and it could be a waste of time to speculate on why it exists, but I do notice it.  A provider's eyes usually look different from the eyes of other people, even when everything else about her looks the same.  It's as if there's a look of excitement in the eyes of normal people that they can turn on or off depending on their mood, but with "provider glare", that look in the eyes is permanently in an "on" position.  "Provider glare" is something I immediately notice, but it is not something I understand.

So yes, providers exist among us in everyday life, but the "provider glare" is difficult not to notice once one is sensitized to its existence.

as much as we like to think of you as playthings, you're real people with real lives.  You're someone's daughter, mother, friend.  As such, we should treat you with respect.

Frankly, we could all stand to do a little more of this in the real world.  The person at McDonalds is only human too.  We're all too quick to think about our needs and see the other person as less than human.

All of us have very complex motives for being in the hobby.  Sex is a very powerful thing and the emotions around that are not easy to sort out.

I don't think your point was to get Lex excited that the lady in the next office may be a provider.  I wanted to get in before your serious message turned into a runaway joke.

Thanks for reminding us.

From a thread below by providerofchoice.

As for 14 pages of reviews, some guys like them fresh, some don't.  The provider he questioned is perhaps the best and most popular in Minneapolis.  We position ourselves as commodities and act surprised when people treat us this way.  We're graded and reviewed from every angle.  What do we expect?

Do you feel like a commodity?


-- Modified on 8/7/2005 4:08:42 AM

-- Modified on 8/7/2005 4:34:37 AM

if a guy treats every woman he sees like a potential provider he'd end up fired, in jail or with a broken head. There is enough harrassment of women on subways, buses, walking the street, or just about any public place to be throwing that concept into the mix.

This post and the replies so far are fascinating to me for a simple reason:  The people who gravitate to this hobby, such as myself, because it is so hard to meet willing partners in the real world.  So while each of those people described by Red is no doubt a complete human being with their own complex characters, motivations and needs, it seems that many of us come into the hobby because it is so difficult to break through that shell we all develop to find some simple, unadulterated physical pleasure.  I'm reminded of the scene in Tootsie where Dustin Hoffman actually tries the line that moments earlier the object of his amour told him she wanted to hear.  The result was a drink thrown in his face.  Net effect, men end up confused, resentful and nursing their bruised egos.  Women no doubt end up in a similarly nonplussed state.  So that book worm in the library, the hottie in the gym and the shopper in the mall all become unapproachable for men such as myself who bruise easily.  It's much easier to come into the hobby, where the goal is clear, no one pretends that they need to develop relationships and deeper emotions (usually) get checked at the door.  Which is not to say that is the optimal outcome.  I suspect there are as many sexually unsatisfied women as men out there but in this strangely alienating world we have created for ourselves, the thought of a tryst between myself and the lady I just passed on my bike ride makes me either an oversexed freak, a desperate perv or a social incompetent.  And I'm sure attractive women tire of meeting men who want to start things off with a physical relationship--I'm sure no one wants to be propositioned every time they're just out trying to get some fresh air.  But what if they are looking for a few good fuck buddies--do we men then pull out the old double standard and treat them like human detritus?  

I realize this was not the purpose of Red's post but this is what it made me think of.  In any event, it seems we all send each other mixed signals each day and we get more confounded as a result.  Maybe it's the problem described in the novel Galapagos--our big brains just aren't doing us much good.  Of course, I could be wrong and often am.

So you're the hottie that I used to live next door to?  Damn, I wouldn't have moved if I'd known.  I wanted to bang you long and hard!!