Newbie - FAQ

My take on it.
Atlastood 5 Reviews 780 reads
posted

I use the envelope for three reasons. First, because they request it in an envelope. It's not an inconvenience to me, so I why not?  

Second, because the entire affair is a role play, as I see it. I'm well aware she's not my girlfriend, or a casual encounter with a woman who found me desirable enough to invite me to her place, but I like to pretend that is the case. Pulling a stack of money out of my pocket makes it feel like a business transaction which I'm aware is the reality, but I'm trying to pretend it's not. It's like watching a movie. Good movies are such that you forget you're watching actors with scripts, cameras, directors, producers, etc. and allow you to "lose" yourself in the story. Bad movies, on the other hand, never let you forget that's what's going on. You're constantly aware of the mechanics of it all and, consequently, that you're watching a movie.  

Third, whether they know it or not, it's a good business strategy. The best way to part a customer from his money is to conceal the financial loss for him as much as possible. You go to buy a car with an offer of $1,000 cash back and, to some, that feels like the dealer is paying them to buy that car ("Wow. Really? You're going to *give* me $1,000 if I buy that car? Thank you!"). Or you see and ad for a product and they don't say it costs $500, rather 10 easy payments of $50. It's also why credit card transactions lead so many people into a financial mess. You're swiping a plastic rectangle and they give you a product. It doesn't feel the same as pulling out your cash, counting it, and then parting with it. Similarly, the envelope provides that unconscious veil subduing the psychological apprehension of handing over your money to another person. I'd much rather fill an envelope with a couple thousand dollars and then place that envelope on a bathroom counter, than pull two grand out of my pocket while I'm there. If I were to do that I'm sure that little voice in my head would be questioning me in that moment.  

Just my perspective anyway.

The discussion below about donation and the envelope prompted me to post this.  
Is the envelope necessary? No it is not. The envelope has become standard (If there even is a standard in this business.). I can’t recall the last time I saw a provider’s website in which the donation protocol didn’t include placing the money in a plain (often white) envelope. I don’t know how this practice started but the envelope was well established before I came along, so much so that crime shows on television have used it in the plot. Being a newbie I said OK donation in an envelope, got it.

Then I began reading here and found there were those who said, No the envelope isn’t necessary and it won’t protect you from Law Enforcement. (I didn’t know that’s what it was intended to do.) Since the ladies had it on their website I continued to use an envelope because it was such a small thing and I didn’t want to have the lady nervous about me because I didn’t follow her desires regarding the handling of the donation.

I gathered from the discussions many thought the plain unmarked envelope with cash in it couldn’t be used against them legally because there was no physical evidence regarding what it was for.  While it’s true an envelope of money doesn’t prove anything it doesn’t matter in the whole scheme of things. If LE is close enough to know about the unmarked envelope full of money being on the dresser, nightstand, or whatever they know enough. Though the way it usually works you don’t get the chance to put the envelope anywhere because they get you as soon as you walk in. You did after all respond to the ad. If it’s known well enough to be in television story lines do you really think LE doesn’t know what’s going on? Consider this; an envelope full of cash is more unusual than the same amount of cash in your wallet, pocket, or purse.
(I am aware that many people use envelopes to separate and designate money for certain budgetary purposes.)

OK, so the envelope isn’t necessary for the reason many believe it is. But should you still use an envelope, as instructed by the provider, to carry out the money part of the business? Answer: It depends.

If you think it prevents legal action your wrong. However there are other things to consider.  
1. You’re a newbie. You’ve gone through screening and have an appointment. Her instructions were place the donation in an envelope; place the envelope in a location stipulated by her. Should you? Yes, you should. You don’t want her being nervous about you, distracted, or wary because you didn’t follow her protocol. You need to establish yourself as trustworthy. Following her instructions does that. Not following them gets you started off on the wrong foot with her.

2. You’re not a newbie, are well established in the community, and her protocol is use an envelope. Should you? If it’s the first time you have seen this particular provider I say yes. Why, because you don’t want her to be disconcerted about you not following her wishes. Especially if she’s a newbie and has been told the envelope is the way things are done. Consider whoever told her that may not have said why or she got it off of another provider’s site. Giving her better information is of course an option but in another time and place.  (Yes, my opinion)

3. You are an established monger and the lady you’re seeing is someone you have seen often. She does request on her site the donation be placed in an envelope etc. but using an envelope now is really not necessary. There are many ladies I see that have the envelope as part of their protocol but I don’t use an envelope anymore because we know each other.  (Sometimes I use an envelope in the above situation because it helps me be organized.)

You have surely read posts by mongers stating they won’t use an envelope. It’s silly, it won’t protect you from anything and they won’t be bothered. That works for them. Not a big deal as far as I’m concerned. I’ve never read that kind of post by anyone that wasn’t well established. There reputation works for them in this situation.  

Just know using the envelope won’t protect you from LE. Don’t use it thinking it will

inckognito831 reads

but I brought the subject up because of a variety of reasons other than LE. I make sure i do enough screening so i dont have to worry about the client to be LE. So the envelope is maybe more to prevent you from short changing a provider, to me it makes the atmosphere a bit more romantic, I do my best to avoid being business like to get the right mood going... it's a mood killer when i see the guy counting 20s in front of me like an asshole. its just not cool. Thats all im saying. if you and your ATFs are comfortable not using an envelope, fine. I myself have clients who do that. What most guys do is place the money discreetly in the dresser which is totally cool. Its the indiscreet people who look like theyre paying for their groceries at the shoprite who really make me uneasy.

....if she asks for it, I'll do it. If she doesn't ask for it, I'll do it anyway. What's the harm? It's simple, efficient, and widely accepted (and expected) by most providers. I never knew its origins, and never knew that it had any LE aspect to it. I figured that it was just something that was part of the hobby.

And if it is in an envelope, I prefer that it's unsealed. I have a short amount of time to verify the donation while they're freshening up in the bathroom. Envelopes are cumbersome to me, and opening their seal can be annoying.  
My website asks that the money is pre-counted and placed discreetly, but I don't specifically say "no envelope". Maybe I should? I get why guys do it, it's the norm, and not a huge deal.. so I deal with it :)

AnonyMiss720 reads

Personally the envelope freaks me out.  To me it's a red flag of what's going on and I'm always finding out of the way trash cans to throw them in - I would never leave one in the hotel trash.  And for the love of god please don't write my name or "thanks for a great time!" on it.

...was something you needed to consider instructing your clients to use or not.

One comment: Every provider's website I've read says unsealed, unmarked envelope.

GaGambler795 reads

You should read some of the threads from 8-10 years ago, You would have thought I was advocating a pimp beatdown when I stated from the beginning of my days here on TER that I was NOT using an envelope. The conversation was at least 10-1 against me back then. It was called disrespectful, low class, dangerous, and had me labeled an outright misogynist by the stupid hooker, and dumb mangina crowd of the day.

Old habits die hard, and johns have been so programmed by hookers who watch too much Law and Order that an envelope provides some additional layer of safety that guys still do it that way for the rather lame reason that "this is the way it's always been done"

The only time I have ever used envelopes was back in my casino days, where an "envelope" was sort of a code for ten grand, as $10,000 is what will fit comfortably in one of those bank envelopes. So if I won or lost lets say $30,000 I would say "Fuck, last night was a three envelope night" lol

...as you describe. It does seem to be changing but I still see the envelope as part of the protocol on the ladies websites. It appears they still would like for it to be used but aren't as inflexible as they once were.

I still recommend newbies follow the lady's wishes though. Newbies need the provider to be as comfortable as possible with them.

GaGambler1023 reads

and the envelope, while a bit foolish, is not exactly a dangerous practice, although it does very slightly increase your risk rather than decrease it, but by such a slight margin as to be statistically irrelevant.

Now there are other things that "some" of the ladies advise that are downright dangerous to a newbie that need to be pointed out as dangerous, but a silly thing like putting the donation in an "white unsealed envelope" hardly rises to that level.

The envelope is not mandatory with me just because I don't want any links to what I do. Im prone for leaving things around. .If they have my donation in an envelope, its fine but I don't make it standard.  
I would rather them leave the cash for me in the bathroom so I can easily count it and put it in my bag. I thought many ladies stated that because of LE but when I had did my research, a blank envelope did not prove anything.....

AnonyMiss846 reads

My site has zero instructions about the donation.  I just don't want to talk about it or even think about it really.

...It's clear you don't want to use that method (I see now in a later post you have decided to.) but in order to make that decision you had to know about it was an option.

I had saw instructions on other provider pages and many gents I saw said it was norm for them because previous providers use that method.

I just do not like leaving cash anywhere out in the open.  I generally go to the bank on the way to the date, get the $$$, put in the envelope, and go on to see her.  When I get there, I put it somewhere that she can see it easily.  Unlike many others of you guys, I have never had a provider open the envelope and count it in front of me.  I know it happens, but IMO, it's unprofessional on her part.  I use the bank envelope usually, not a plain one.  WTF, it doesn't have my address or account number on it.  

LLAP,
Swim

AnonyMiss918 reads

I think this is fine.  I agree counting is low-rent, but the envelope should probably be put somewhere out of sight in case someone from the hotel walks in.  One time the security bolt didn't work on my door.

Perhaps I'm in the minority but I place the compensation in a thank you card.  I like to acknowledge my gratitude for the service being provided.

The reason I prefer an envelope has nothing to do with LE.    
I prefer new clients to use an envelope, but I don't get militant about it.  Actually, if they don't use one, I never say anything about it at all.  There are far worse transgressions, obviously.  ;-)

Long ago, I worked for an agency that specifically told ALL clients to have the donation in a plain envelope.
The reasoning was that a stack of cash was "just tacky".... so their reason had nothing to do with LE either.  We were supposed to report on anyone who didn't have it in an envelope, too.  

 
Recently, I've been looking into hiring a male escort and have noticed some of them not only ask for it to be in an envelope, they also want it placed in a gift bag.  Others want it in a greeting card, inside the envelope.   Do I think bringing a gift bag is a bit silly?  Yes... but if that's what he wants, it's not any extra effort for me to do that.  

If someone were to require that the donation be handled in a way with which I do not agree and/or by which I will not abide.... I'll see someone else.  No biggie.  :-)

 
xoxoxoxoxox

Posted By: xyz23
...clients to use an envelope for the donation?
 
Well, when I worked for the agency I mentioned.... THEY instructed the clients to use an envelope; it wasn't up to me.

 
When I was first independent, I did not give any instructions on the handling of the donation either verbally or via my website/ads.    

Then I had a bad experience.

After that, I noticed I preferred not to have the cash openly displayed.   If it's not in an envelope, I will ignore it... but sometimes (when the person deliberately calls attention to the cash) it does bother me.    

THAT is "how I knew" to state my preference for an envelope; I became aware that I preferred it for my own personal, experience-based reasons, and thus include that information on my site.  

 
I mentioned in the thread below that if anyone's really curious as to my reasons, please PM me.  I won't discuss the details publicly.  

This isn't group therapy.   :-)

 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

...mentioned the agency requiring the envelope in you previous post.

Unless I'm seeing a regular...then I may make sure she see's the donation in my hand and then I'll place it next to a picture frame or candle .  A couple of times, with a certain regular, we BOTH forgot about the donation until afterwards (Hey, in the throws of passion sometimes people forget about these things....at least, temporarily).

D.

inckognito719 reads

Posted By: BigPapasan
..."I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."

I have always used an envelop, initially at the behest of providers from years gone by. It puts the donation in a conspicuous place and It's  tidy, not a wad of greenbacks scattered on the table or floor. For the ladies that are insecure or directed by an agency or whatever, I want to get to the good stuff ASAP! I am more cautious though as I have had 2 bad experiences in 20 years, my bad for being a dumbass.
Courtesans that command attention getting donations, and are well reviewed are generally safe. Think with your big head, and the donation is usually not an issue. Experienced providers are pretty chill. JMHO!

Card, envelope, stack of money.  I actually prefer a stack of money, honestly.

The one specification I have is where the donation is placed when my client arrives.  I prefer placed in a certain spot before the session begins.  90% of the time, this isn't an issue.  Sometimes someone forgets and leaves it in another place, which is okay.  I've taken to saying this when my guests arrive:

"If you could take care to set your things here *touches table surface* before we get started, that would be great! I'll get you something to drink while you freshen up."

That way i can get the donation, count it,  secure it, and get my guest something to drink all while they are using the bathroom. I don't have to fish around looking for things.  I know where things are.

The main reason i prefer no envelope or card is because some clients write names and other info on envelopes.

GaGambler1006 reads

Now letting me know exactly WHERE you would like me to drop the donation is a perfectly reasonable request IMO. Insisting that it's in an envelope or gift card is asinine.

and for the record, guys that play "hide and seek" with the donation are equally as bad, if not worse. The whole thing is just supposed to be as smooth and natural a process as possible. Not something to stress out either party.

from hooker names and phone numbers to the actual incall address.  i've seen it all.  I'd just rather not, because then i literally have to shred an envelope and scatter the pieces in 10 different garbage cans.

I use the envelope for three reasons. First, because they request it in an envelope. It's not an inconvenience to me, so I why not?  

Second, because the entire affair is a role play, as I see it. I'm well aware she's not my girlfriend, or a casual encounter with a woman who found me desirable enough to invite me to her place, but I like to pretend that is the case. Pulling a stack of money out of my pocket makes it feel like a business transaction which I'm aware is the reality, but I'm trying to pretend it's not. It's like watching a movie. Good movies are such that you forget you're watching actors with scripts, cameras, directors, producers, etc. and allow you to "lose" yourself in the story. Bad movies, on the other hand, never let you forget that's what's going on. You're constantly aware of the mechanics of it all and, consequently, that you're watching a movie.  

Third, whether they know it or not, it's a good business strategy. The best way to part a customer from his money is to conceal the financial loss for him as much as possible. You go to buy a car with an offer of $1,000 cash back and, to some, that feels like the dealer is paying them to buy that car ("Wow. Really? You're going to *give* me $1,000 if I buy that car? Thank you!"). Or you see and ad for a product and they don't say it costs $500, rather 10 easy payments of $50. It's also why credit card transactions lead so many people into a financial mess. You're swiping a plastic rectangle and they give you a product. It doesn't feel the same as pulling out your cash, counting it, and then parting with it. Similarly, the envelope provides that unconscious veil subduing the psychological apprehension of handing over your money to another person. I'd much rather fill an envelope with a couple thousand dollars and then place that envelope on a bathroom counter, than pull two grand out of my pocket while I'm there. If I were to do that I'm sure that little voice in my head would be questioning me in that moment.  

Just my perspective anyway.

For the first encounter I usually deliver the donation in an unsigned or labeled envelope.  That way the lady can re-use the card, if she so desires or can throw it away with no identifying names.

Now for later dates, its usually a plain envelope but I have not planned correctly and just sent the donation somewhere she can see it but I usually ask her before doing so.

was when it didn't go nicely into my pocket...   it was stiff & awkward with corners poking out.  Part may be that I carry the donation separate from my wallet...  usually in my key pocket (so I'll feel it reaching for my keys to leave).

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