One of the more difficult things for many to come to understanding is that for those of us businessmen in any realm of client service, be that consulting, sciences, law, IT, engineering and others, it's hard not to make the mental translation from those business protocols to this world. In real life consulting I have to chase down clients and my clients expect me to jump at the drop of a hat, meaning that call backs are expected in minutes, not hours, not days, else I risk losing the client. And that expectation (which I loathe) even transcends vacations, family times, etc.
It's simply not like that in this world. Emails frequently go unanswered. Call backs sometimes don't happen. It may likely not mean anything at all. The business/client equation is rather flipped. So you kind of have to adjust your expectation. A couple visits in with a lady and she's still getting to know you. She's likely busy and it's a long list of commitments and emails etc. Since you've seen her a few times already, I'm assuming that neither one of you are weird/crazy/etc. as a lot of weird/crazy happens on both sides of the equation also. On another note: up this way I notice that many ladies advertise double partners on their websites. Does this lady? Did she bring up the doubles or did you? If the latter: she might not have an established doubles partner and needs to sort that out; find someone compatible, work out a rate agreement, work out schedules etc.I am still a newbie and am looking for some guidance here.
There was a provider that I was very interested in seeing. Finally our schedules aligned and we had a date. I had a great time and she seemed to as well. Afterwards we were talking and the subject of a threesome came up. I said I would be interested but we left it at that.
I had a second opportunity where schedules aligned. Saw her again for a longer date this time. Again everything seemed to go great. If anything it seemed a bit better as we had additional time. On both dates she had multiple O's.
I email her later about setting up the threesome. She responds that she would love to but that is where it is left. After several days I email her back about the threesome providing her general guidelines on when I am available and to pick what works best for both of the providers and let me know. Now I know she is busy and is traveling a decent bit plus has a lot going on in real life. So it is not a big deal that there is a lag in her response time.
She responds back with an apology, tells me she is available on a couple of days if I would like to see her again. Also mentions the threesome and asks about dates.
This time instead of broader guidelines I give her 4 days with a fairly large window of time on when I am available to meet. Again I tell her to pick one of the days and times that work best for her and the other provider.
It has been several days and I have yet to hear back. From my perspective any response would be fine. No response is a bit frustrating.
I am very interested in this threesome. However I am starting to wonder if I should take this as a hint. It seems odd to me that she would suggest another date and be the one that brings up the threesome and has said she would love to have it. Then there is no follow through.
I have her phone number and could call her but email seems to be her preferred communication method and I respect that.
I am looking for input here. What is a reasonable number of days to expect to receive a response from her? Do I ask her flat out if I should take this as a hint that she in not actually all that interested? Do I email her about it again? How many days should I wait from my last email to follow up with her? Do I jut say fuck it and call her? Her number is not published but she did give it to me.
Like I said I am very interested in the threesome and I would also like to see her again in the future. However if she is not interested I can simply move on. While there are a lot of other providers out there this one hits all the right buttons for me. There are very few providers in my area that match the package she delivers so I would hate to close this door.
All input is appreciated.
Nothing that you have described about her sounds too odd to me. You, OTOH, sound kind of worked up. It can be very hard to coordinate the schedules of three people and you don't even know who the 3rd party is (or do you?). Yes, you would like a reply, even if it's a "Those days don't work for me and #3 together. Sorry."
People just plain get too busy to answer every contact and, sometimes, real life gets in the way, too.
Does your #1 lady tour regularly? That could be a factor. She is busy planning and touring.
Is she "high volume" or "low volume"? That's a real touchy topic and a subject of mythology but the answer doesn't even matter. If she is very busy, she's getting and answering lots of other calls. If she is low volume, she might have had a good offer that filled her monthly quota and is less needy to set this up this month and wants to push it off til next month.
When she says she can see you alone, it could be that she just wants more one-on-ones with the 3-way as bait but it could also be that she just can't get #3 to schedule on short notice.
Who is #3 and will #1 let you do the coordinating? Is #1 afraid of losing you to #3? (I doubt that's the case.)
What is a reasonable number of DAYS? I think it can take weeks or even months to set this up and that wouldn't be unusual. (I don't do a lot of 3-somes, but I travel and ladies I like to visit travel. Sometimes we miss each other in a given city by a day or two or more. I just wait for the next chance which could be months away.) I, personally, wouldn't waste my emotional energy on this and I'd ask #1 to contact me when she and #3 become available together, probably when the rent or car payment is due. Then, I only have to worry about adjusting my schedule, not theirs.
I wouldn't call her. I would use the "let me know when you're available" email. If you do call, don't sound desperate, crazy or accusatory. IF I were to call someone like this, it would probably be a brief, "I hadn't heard from you and just wanted to make sure you were okay. Send me an email when you have a chance so we can get together again."
I had to make a lot assumptions based on your story but I hope I'm not too far off base. Calm down, play it cool and move on to the next ad
One of the more difficult things for many to come to understanding is that for those of us businessmen in any realm of client service, be that consulting, sciences, law, IT, engineering and others, it's hard not to make the mental translation from those business protocols to this world. In real life consulting I have to chase down clients and my clients expect me to jump at the drop of a hat, meaning that call backs are expected in minutes, not hours, not days, else I risk losing the client. And that expectation (which I loathe) even transcends vacations, family times, etc.
It's simply not like that in this world. Emails frequently go unanswered. Call backs sometimes don't happen. It may likely not mean anything at all. The business/client equation is rather flipped. So you kind of have to adjust your expectation. A couple visits in with a lady and she's still getting to know you. She's likely busy and it's a long list of commitments and emails etc.
Since you've seen her a few times already, I'm assuming that neither one of you are weird/crazy/etc. as a lot of weird/crazy happens on both sides of the equation also.
On another note: up this way I notice that many ladies advertise double partners on their websites. Does this lady? Did she bring up the doubles or did you? If the latter: she might not have an established doubles partner and needs to sort that out; find someone compatible, work out a rate agreement, work out schedules etc.
Thanks everyone. I wrote a great response the other day and somehow managed to not get it posted.
Provider #1 does tour some and I know she has a very busy personal life. She does not describe herself as low volume but I would (I think). Both times I saw her I was the only person she was seeing that day. I don't think she brought up the duo as bait. I could be wrong but at least in my case it serves no purpose to use as bait. I am going to see her again regardless. Plus using it as bait is only going to make me unhappy if it is dangled out there but no progress is made. Better not to say anything.
I am not trying to get this setup on short notice. I initially gave her guidelines on when I was available to meet and told her to pick a date and time that worked for the girls. Next time I gave her 4 days that were at least two weeks out. I would be fine if I received a response that the threesome was not going to happen in August. At least that would be a response and some progress.
She was the one that brought up the double and said who #3 would be. She suggested I look at the review(s) of her with the other provider and to let her know if I was interested. I could reach out to #3 but since I have not seen her and it was #1 suggestion I feel like that is not the best idea.
No, no weirdness at least not so far or that I am aware of in either of our cases. Although being a newbie I may have sent an extra email or two after/between visits.
As much as I would like to think that #1 is worried about losing me lets be honest. She isn't. While I think she has a great time it is not like she is going to see me if I do not have the money.
I will accept that I need to cool my jets. I will also admit that it is hard to translate response expectations from work to the hobby. I have high expectations from my clients and how quickly they are expected to respond. Vice versa of course holds true. While in the hobby I do not necessarily expect same day responses but when it hits three+ days.... Now we are at a week or a bit more since a response. However I believe she has been traveling the last several days so I understand.
I have seen other providers while trying to get the threesome planned. I would just feel better if there was a bit more communication. Plus the threesome is not going to be inexpensive so I would like a bit of planning. I would hate to spend a bunch of money seeing other providers and then receive an email saying "hey the threesome is on for Thursday." Now I realize I could always say I can't do it then but let's be honest. I would probably go ahead and say yes and just deal with the hit to the wallet.
I appreciate everyone's input. I really wanted to make sure I was not missing a hint. Would not be the first time I accepted what someone said only to miss the undertones and other signs.
I am getting closer to having made the mental transition from "real life" to what happens in the hobby. It takes a bit of time. Or at least it has for me.
Sit back, relax and let it come to you. This provider that you've have a couple dates with is SUGGESTING a threesome to you, not necessarily TELLING you you'll have one.
if you continue seeing this provider let things play out. The more you have more dates with her maybe her "menu" will continue to expand with each visit. Maybe she'll surprise you while you're on a date with her by introducing you to her friend.
IMP has also given you some pretty good suggestions