Erotic Humor
Morning laugh
LamontCranston69
posted
The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is shocked to see three Japanese men, all sat there masturbating violently.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screams.
One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it says on the menu, First come, First served!"
"Anything you want," says the elephant. "When I'm done, you have to let me f😝ck you up the 🗼ss." The elephant is puzzled by the strange request, but agrees. The mosquito chews him out of the net. "Ok, A deal is a deal" says the mosquito, and proceeds to start the 🗼ss f😁cking. Above this in a tree, a monkey and his friends are witnessing the entire act, and laughing hysterically. As they are flailing around one of them hits a branch with his arm and a coconut get knocked off, falls, and hits the elephant on the head. "OUCH" yells the elephant. To which the mosquito replies, "Yeah, baby. TAKE IT ALL!" --------------------------------------------------- Two good ol' boys in a Kentucky trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off of work at the General Motors plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "Iff'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?" The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even." --------------------------------------------------- Bob was in trouble because he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry she told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds or less, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, she put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back into the house and opened it. She found a brand new bathroom scale… Bob has been missing since Friday. --------------------------------------------------- After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an Australian computer programmer. After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie. When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of the room. Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, "I thought you had never been with a woman." He replied, "This is true, but if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, we're going to need all the room we can get”. -------------------------------------- A woman was masturbating a little too vigorously when her vibrator got stuck inside her vagina. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get it out. Weeks went by and it still wouldn't budge, so she finally went to the gynecologist.
At the end of the examination, the gynecologist said, "I'm sorry to say that removing this vibrator is going to require a difficult and extensive operation." "I'm not sure I can afford all that," the woman sighed. "Why don't you just replace the batteries?
