Thanks for posting this. I think it'll help a lot of newbies (plus, it's funny!).
Anyway, in regards to your point about commenting on her photos...... I made this rookie mistake with a provider. I wasn't criticizing them; I thought they didn't do her justice. I opened with something like "have you considered adding some new pics....?". Looking back, that's an incredibly insensitive thing to say. She got a little offended (rightfully so), but also a little paranoid. To her credit, though, she handled my faux pas way more elegantly than it deserved. I explained myself and we actually had a good talk about it (she was new and appreciated the advice, once we got past my initial idiocy). I guess my point is that even a "wow, your pics don't do you justice" can be taken as offensive. She may have taken great care in selecting the photos. In my provider's case, she was trying to present an image which, once she explained it to me, made sense with the gallery she has on her siteA recent thread here about mentioning the use of a cover in reviews referenced the idea that this is something that should "go without saying".... but unfortunately, due to some bad apples out there, it canNOT go without being expressly stated.
This brought to mind certain aspects of session-etiquette which, in my opinion, should go without saying but are things which some hobbyists (both new and veteran) are either unaware of or are points which they choose to ignore.
DO NOT ask personal questions. Are you married or in a relationship? Do you have children? How old are they? Where do you live? Do you have another job? Why were you out of the biz for awhile? What made you get back in? Are you busy today? Have you been busy lately? Am I your first today? Do you have another appointment later?
NONE OF THESE THINGS are any of your business.
Chat about the weather, local sports, the restaurant scene, movies, travel, whatever. Make small-talk. I KNOW you're curious about these things but let it go. You think she's cool with it? Seems very laid-back and open? That's part of being good at our profession, and is in no way any indicator that you can take your conversation to a personal level.
IF you are very new and/or unsure how to proceed with a lady, try to convey that to her prior to your date and do your research regarding ANY questions you may have.
Once you are in her presence, DO NOT ask questions such as "So what do I do now?", "How does this work?" , "Should I get undressed?", "Are you going to get naked now?" , "What can I do?", "What is your menu?", "What are your rules?" and the most-frequently asked, even by many who've been in this game for a long time.......
"CAN I COME MORE THAN ONCE?" ......I don't know. CAN YOU??
HAVE THE EXACT AMOUNT REQUESTED and if you do not have that then guess what? You need to overpay.
What do I mean? If the lady's donation is, say, $425 and you only have 20s, then just give her $440. It is not her fault that you did not get the exact amount so don't give her $420 rather than overpaying by fifteen bucks.
And please don't even think about asking for change. Nor should you bring this money issue up to her in any way, shape or form.
Statements such as, "There's 440 there so I guess you're getting a tip, hahaha!" or "I only had 20s so I'll catch ya next time for that extra five bucks...." are just not classy or cool. You've been seeing her so long that you know she won't mind if you're short $5? Think again. Having the correct amount EVERY TIME shows respect.
You don't respect the lady? Well then, fake it. We fake interest/concern/excitement for you, you can return the courtesy.
Have donation already counted out and (unless otherwise requested) in some form of envelope, and set it down IN PLAIN SIGHT very soon upon arriving. If it's an outcall, have it already out & sitting in plain sight.
Some ladies have specific instructions regarding the handling of the donation which you should follow, no matter how silly it may seem to you.
I don't care how experienced you are, or how many times you may have been burned, the lady should not EVER have to ask you for it. You've known her awhile and feel you're comfortable enough to just drop the cash on the dresser before you leave? ONLY if the lady first brings this up herself and tells you not to worry about it till later.
Otherwise, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS discreetly set it down at the beginning of the date.
Do NOT talk about the $$$. Ever. Cutesy little remarks like "There's a nice little bunch of ROSES for you hahaha"... "I wish I could take home CASH every day"... "You counted that, right?"...."Did you notice my extra little gift for you in there??"... or anything at all regarding the money is NOT OKAY, no matter what your reasons or reasoning, may be.
Just don't do it.
Please please please if you are going to shower, and it isn't obvious, ask which soap/towels/etc to use. You think she left certain toiletries/items out as a hint for you to use them? Ask her!
(Once someone thought the fact that I'd left a razor in the shower was a hint for him to do some last-minute manscaping and so he did just that. Now I put all my personal products away. Lesson learned.)
The following are things which, in my personal experience, happen most frequently with those who consider themselves to be seasoned veterans and moreover, tend to think that they ARE good clients:
Offering professional advice. Unless she talks about troubles she's having, or specifically asks for your opinion, please don't tell her how she should or should not manage her website, advertise, what her rates should be, what kinds of pics she should use, or anything of that nature.
Over-staying your time and/or asking if she has someone else right after and when she says no, you settle in for a nice long chat OTC, or ask her if she'd like to go to dinner with you. Again, this is about respecting her time.
Continue to follow each lady's protocols for arranging dates, confirming, getting the location, etc. for every visit.
She only gives out her phone # for clients to get her hotel details? Then continue to only use it for that; don't think just because you've met x amount of times that you can now call her up to set appointments rather than using her previously-stated system. Unless she tells you otherwise, of course.
Don't joke around or make smart-assy little comments about her procedures or anything, really, about how she conducts herself.
You don't get why she tells you not to knock on her door so you jovially do so anyway with a little rhythm or tune?
Tap out the "Wipeout" drum solo instead? Walk through her door in a very exaggerated Pink Panther manner, with your finger to your lips?? That really ISN'T funny. Guess what: Any fudging or breaking of her procedures, just because it amuses you, is disrespect. Plain and simple.
The two (or more) of you are in the middle of play and you see her hand reaching for a condom: don't remark upon it, unless it is to tell her you're not ready for it yet, or that she needs to please hurry. A sarcastic, "yeah better get that cover on" or "it's raincoat time, huh?" just disturbs the flow and comes off as awkward.
After round one, or two, or eighteen... she excuses herself or otherwise walks towards the bathroom do NOT say, "time to get cleaned up"... "be sure to wash behind your ears hahaha"... "go rinse your mouth out and come back to me"... are all completely unnecessary and come off as crass.
Stating your assumptions. It's nearly impossible NOT to assume some things, or draw certain conclusions, but please try to keep them to yourself.
Example:Your time is over or nearly-so and she's giving you the hint that it's time for you to go? Don't say, "So you've got someone else next?"... "Off to go shopping now, right?"... "Time to go pick the kiddies up, huh?" are all examples of stating your assumptions. There are many more, but that should give you an idea.
I'm sure I'm leaving out other things that many believe should "go without saying" in terms of advice/guidelines for hobbyists but that's all I've got for now. Please add to this thread with your own.
Oh, and I am not in any way suggesting that providers are innocent in terms of transgressions that should not have to be stated. Please start a thread on those, as I'm sure there are some of which I am guilty.
Nobody's perfect, least of all me.
xoxo
-- Modified on 5/1/2015 9:01:22 AM
-- Modified on 5/1/2015 9:04:28 AM
manscaping" - Wow!
Lots of great advice, thank you for writing it all up.
...I'm sorry to say I didn't get past the first paragraph.
To the OP, you may have had some good points in there... but you've got to take into account your audience... Most of us guys have the attention span of a gnat... So you need to keep it short and sweet and to the point... Just my dos centavos...
Believe me, the ones who need to be reading this are. Whether it sinks in is another matter entirely!
To the OP, you may have had some good points in there... but you've got to take into account your audience... Most of us guys have the attention span of a gnat... So you need to keep it short and sweet and to the point... Just my dos centavos...
Agreed some folk on TER write reams of dense nothing, but Debbie compiled a lot of thoughtful observations. I loved the opportunity to learn about the blundering that the ladies run into. Got a big kick out of someone rapping Wipeout on the hotel room door. Personally, I creep up to the door in a ghillie suit. 
-- Modified on 5/1/2015 5:40:25 PM
100% with you. As a newbie myself, I thought it was a helpful and humorous read. Offending an SP is one of the last things I'd like to do on a date!
...I found it very helpful when I was starting out. Hopefully it helps educate both sides of the playground a little.
specific boundaries. TER profiles and reviews are not necessarily accurate. When I am with a new lady and things begin to heat up, I generally say something like, "Is there anything in particular I need to know?"
the smart ass banter or stupid questions, I mean. If they are naive enough to think I am going to be honest about every single thing when I am ON the clock, let em think that. I had one guy thinking my real name was Kasey for years. Finally got to be really close and he flew me to Mexico before he found out otherwise lol.
My pet peeve is guys who email asking "when will you be in x city" when we all know how that turns out. When we do finally decide to visit x city, you'll be broke, gone or working. It is a wasted email unless you're planning on paying to get her there. It's like you don't want to be rude, but at the same time do some of these guys not get that providers have children, a family/husband/SO a job, etc. and if we responded to every damn PM or email that had nothing to do with actual appointments, we would never have any time for ourselves.
Does every client assume that providers do nothing but sit around all day in heels and lipstick with an airline ticket ready to just hop up and travel to them? Of course they do, because this business oversexualizes and under emotionalizes women to the point that many of the players only see a blow up doll with a passport. It's comical.
Now, I have old friends here that do that shit all the time and I do not mind at all because i KNOW them, but random people I have never met should really READ the damn website because it is stated all over the place where I travel, when I am available and what it takes to see me for an exclusive arrangement. I am not talking about those who just send a nice email/message and add a "If you're ever in x city I would love to see you" phrase, but those who literally only email you to ask when you will be in bumfk North Dakota... WHEN YOU PAY HER TO BE THERE!
Thanks for posting this. I think it'll help a lot of newbies (plus, it's funny!).
Anyway, in regards to your point about commenting on her photos...... I made this rookie mistake with a provider. I wasn't criticizing them; I thought they didn't do her justice. I opened with something like "have you considered adding some new pics....?". Looking back, that's an incredibly insensitive thing to say. She got a little offended (rightfully so), but also a little paranoid. To her credit, though, she handled my faux pas way more elegantly than it deserved. I explained myself and we actually had a good talk about it (she was new and appreciated the advice, once we got past my initial idiocy).
I guess my point is that even a "wow, your pics don't do you justice" can be taken as offensive. She may have taken great care in selecting the photos. In my provider's case, she was trying to present an image which, once she explained it to me, made sense with the gallery she has on her site
Sorry, I couldn't help it, but that was quite a screed!
And while sure, I'd agree individually with a lot of the points (but not all), I can't imagine what inspired you to sit down and write all that. And while you suggested a gent could start a thread with gripes about providers, that is not something I would ever dream of doing (focusing on the negative like that). I just don't think that way about ladies. I think the best approach is to have a light spirit and to let things roll, enjoy discovering something about that individual in the few moments you have together. Do some occassionally do or say something that strikes me the wrong way? (like diatribes on politics or religion) Sure, but it's really no biggee - I just redirect the conversation. It seems to me like a lot of these things you mention are very small transgressions, just nervous or goofy guys (and sure, with the occassional jerk thrown in) doing what nervous or goofy guys do - and I guarantee you, this won't change, so you might as well learn how to accept that these things are going to be said/happen without letting them get under your skin too much, especially when no offense was intended. Just deflect the topics you don't want to discuss. Ironically, I've had chats on all the taboo personal topics you mention, with probably half the ladies I've met - and usually they are the ones to bring up those topics, in just a natural and organic way.
I think the most proper thread to provide balance - instead of guys listing the transgressions of providers - would be for you to make a thread listing all the things you LIKE about your clients (and I guarantee, if you come up with a good list for that, that will do much more to attract clients than the list of DON'Ts).
Actually, since you asked, this past week I had one of those "straw that broke the camel's back" moments that pushed me over the edge, and thus.... the above rant/post.
And it was absolutely something which should go without saying, that a client should NEVER do. It was enough to bring to mind all the other annoying little things (which I routinely overlook with a smile) that men have been doing/saying in my presence lately, and the floodgates were opened
And since I just replied to your PM with a very long-winded one (my apologies for my lack of brevity), I won't repeat that mistake here!
But I still stand by what I wrote - though I am sorry if you've had to deal with a lot of bad apples.