Debbie - thanks for your response. And thanks to AHC and Swim and the others. I get it.
"Professional Distance" I guess is the thing I don't understand. When I'm a regular, it's because I like a gal and I think she likes me. So an email from me seems pretty nonintrusive. I don't expect a response. I just like to feel like we're "friends" too. It's also the thing of why she never will have dinner with me, if I don't pay for her time. When I take my attorney to lunch, I pay for the lunch, but I don't pay for his time. I mean, he's gotta eat. Why is it different with providers? This one gal I see orders from Dominos rather than stopping for a bite with me either before or after our session. I don't get that, eitherSomebody posted Hardy's Rules, see link:
http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=102425&boardID=33&page=#102425
And Hardy says:
12. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: If you want to send the lady a thank you E-mail, then feel free to go ahead. But do this ONLY ONE TIME. DO NOT continuously call her, text her, E-mail her, write to her etc., to just shoot the proverbial breeze. The fact you had a session with her at this point means nothing to either one of you. You are just a past client with absolutely no connection. She is not there at this point to make small talk with you. The ladies time is valuable and you should not waste it. The next time you should contact her is when you are ready to set up another appointment.
I don't understand this. I like to send funny emails. Esp., with ladies I see regularly. I don't see them so much as service providers as "friends for hire", of course they are friends with benefits. What do you think? Does this cross the line somehow? Why?
they feel obligate to respond, and then the guy feels obligated to respond, and before you know it, she is weighed down with dozens of perfectly nice guys thinking they are being so special to her, and she isn't getting her business done.
Unless the gal seems to be the one always initiating the email contact, stick to one quick "thank you" email, and leave it at that.
Sending them unwanted email just consumes their time. It's the equivalent of sending them spam. Just don't
If the sender is someone I liked, or at least found pleasant enough to see again, then an email with a joke or a link to a video or something else he thinks I may enjoy is fine.
But don't expect a long response, if any response at all. And I might not respond for awhile.
Why? Not because it's a waste of my time, but because those who want to be friends might also be the type to get too attached. There's a thing called "professional distance" which is very important in this little world.
To be completely honest, I've actually emailed clients links to something he might find interesting or funny.... but only after first asking (in person) if it's ok for me to do so. And yes, I'm totally wasting my time but that's not always a bad thing... and it was my decision to do so.
Actually I get a lot more time-wasting emails from people I've never met. Asking all sorts of personal and irrelevant questions, trying to hold an entire conversation via email or text prior to meeting. I get that some men want to get to know a lady first, but when I've indulged these types in the past, they only rarely pull the trigger and thus I've wasted a lot of time on these jokers. Those are the real exasperating ones, IMO.
Basically what I'm saying is that YES, it is a waste of time.
But so is practically everything I do in my leisure time, LOL!
So if you were to email a lady with something other than a date request, I know I'd prefer it if that was stated in the subject line; that way, I can put off opening it until I have some free time to kill. 
-- Modified on 4/25/2015 9:22:59 PM
-- Modified on 4/25/2015 10:16:35 PM
Sometimes people can say essentially the same thing, but it comes off as a dismissive comment, like "how dare he think he can impose on my precious time - once out the door, leave me alone!" But the bottom line is, you ladies DO interact with so many different people, that I imagine that it could be exhausting to try to reply respectfully to all who might want to engage in light banter with you. There are only so many hours in a day. Also, I can relate, because I honestly hate replying to much of the email that I get in my personal life from family and friends! So if I was in your shoes, while I would have great respect for all the clients, I would want to keep email to a minimum too. You need to have your "down time" too, where you don't have to be doing anything with a relation to this job.
-- Modified on 4/26/2015 12:38:45 AM
Oh well. I'm still here. Family's still here. Life is good.
Debbie - thanks for your response. And thanks to AHC and Swim and the others. I get it.
"Professional Distance" I guess is the thing I don't understand. When I'm a regular, it's because I like a gal and I think she likes me. So an email from me seems pretty nonintrusive. I don't expect a response. I just like to feel like we're "friends" too.
It's also the thing of why she never will have dinner with me, if I don't pay for her time. When I take my attorney to lunch, I pay for the lunch, but I don't pay for his time. I mean, he's gotta eat. Why is it different with providers? This one gal I see orders from Dominos rather than stopping for a bite with me either before or after our session. I don't get that, either
...or needs the down time...or just doesn't want to go with you. Number one she isn't your friend while she may be friendly when you are together. Apparently she "likes" you as a customer and that's all. Approach this from that point of view. Can't compare this to lunch with your lawyer.
It sounds like you are wanting more familiarity than the ladies are willing to give. That tends to make them cautious. Take the hint they are trying to communicate they don't want an OTC situation with you but they do want your business. Eventually they won't want your business if you push it.
Did you ever think that she feels that you are too emotionally attached and therefore will not see you OTK.
Even if she is hungry and has time she can feel it opens up expectations.
Also many have full time job and or even another date in the next hour. You are right that they need to eat, but also need to keep the hobby and personal life separate.
I do have a couple of ladies I socialize with outside of the hobby but only know because of the hobby and any time spent outside of actual date is more father daughter and more likely beer and burger.
Nothing during these times is anything but social
He screws you!
(Sorry, couldn't resist.)
8o)
Yeah, I left myself wide open for that one... that's pretty funny! eom
You are not a friend. You might be a friendly client but make no mistake you are not a friend in the general sense of the word. I do not get paid by my friends to meet with them.
Unless the hooker initiates this friendship and initiates most of the OTC time, please refrain from appearing clingy and stalker like because that is what is mostly going through the minds of the lady. Or that you are angling for OTC time or a freebie.
And you do not fuck your lawyer...he most likely fucks you...lol and not in a good way. That is strictly business and not emotional. This business is like no other in that it is intensely personal...body parts touching etc. which can give the illusion of something more on either part but mostly the john.
And the reason why she does not want to eat with you could be that she is not anywhere as enamored with you as you are with her and she prefers paid time only OR she can see that doing so would tip YOU into clingy/stalker territory and she wants you strictly as a business deal.
Being a regular does NOT give you the go ahead to think she wants more time with you, it means she keeps seeing you because you are a decent client, manageable, clean, on time, not too rough etc....NOT necessarily that she feels anything other than professional about you. AND it is a steady stream of income. Please be fully aware that in most cases, hookers do this primarily for the money. A woman that is half way good looking can get laid with a man of HER choosing any night of the week.
If you want to keep any lady in this business, you might need to rethink her position in this and adjust yours accordingly or be upset that she no longer answers any of your emails as in she will not even book you.
Occasionally I've felt like I had a good vibe with a lady so as I'm preparing to leave I've asked if she wants to grab a bite.
And if the answer is no, it's no problem to me.
A critical aspect of this hobby is "acceptance." And it doesn't require that you understand - because quite frankly, in each particular case, you don't have THE RIGHT to get the true reason from that individual (in most cases, you are better off not knowing, of course). So don't twist your mind in a knot over it. Sure, it can feel like a bit of a rejection, I get that. But don't think that way. Just happily accept what the lady WAS willing to give of herself to you in the time that you were together -especially so if she was engaged enough to make you WANT to spend non-P2P time with her (all ladies are not that engaging/interesting). Just try to imagine how exhausting it could be to feel like you have to be "on" all time. There really are so many good reasons why ladies want to keep clear lines of separation... And if it helps you to accept "nos" better, you can always just tell yourself that she is just WAY too attracted to YOU and fears getting too attached! lol! Whatever works. Just accept and move on with your day with a smile.
The difference you're missing is that escorts get paid not just for their time and sex, but for their COMPANIONSHIP. Guys like you WANT to talk our ears off, tell us silly jokes, email/text the shit out of us, and flirt with us over lunch/dinner. That's because we let you...not only do we let you, but we're friendly and welcoming towards your efforts. That's part of the service we provide. The time we spend making you feel great, is time we could be spending doing something else we might prefer to do, or benefit more from doing - schoolwork, real work, spending time with kids, exercising, whatever - rather than humoring some random-ass needy client who thinks we're pals because we told him we 'enjoy his company' or 'we have GREAT chemistry'.
In general, we are PAID to make you feel that we enjoy your company, whether we do or not...no guy is going to pay us $XXXX to feel that we deign to be with him, or make fun of him the minute we close the door. So if you feel that you have a friendly business relationship with your provider...that is part of the SERVICE she is giving you. OK, maybe she really does think you're a nice guy, but you're still a client, and she still has a RATE.
Time is not just money...time is ENERGY. If I see a guy for a 1- or 2- hour appointment, then I should be out in about 1 or 2 hours, able to go on with my day (give or take a bit for chat). It shouldn't turn into a LONG 4-hour afternoon or a late night full of drinks...he shouldn't be giving me 'homework' of silly little emails I have to reply to within a reasonable time frame, in a reasonably friendly manner...
If you think it's not a big deal if YOU ask (of course, you're special...lol)...then, imagine every client asking the exact same thing, thinking the same thing, EVERY darn night. Imagine that they ALL think they have a special bond with the lady (again, that's our job). Imagine that she is also a student, mother, freelance worker, whatever. Imagine how hard it must be for her to get the sh** done she needs to get done. Imagine how frustrated she must feel after ANOTHER darn dude asks her to 'stay here tonight' or 'let's go to dinner' and she just wants to get home to see her kid/finish her term paper/get some sleep/whatever. (Luckily, some guys do get it, so it isn't really every guy. But it's still a lot of guys)
As for emails...as long as you contact me VERY moderately, and don't write novels or expect one in return, it's all cool. I have clients I LOVE hearing from, genuinely. However, I've also had clients who take it upon themselves to decide that we're 'cool'. They text/email me whenever the urge rises. About dumb stuff. Like, stupid jokes, and 'Are you horny?' That is annoying, no two ways about it.
If you feel some emotional pull toward her, and desire her attention...that's not a need she's obligated to fulfill, and it IS crossing a boundary line. Some girls will humor you...TO A POINT. But, you'll be THAT GUY. And if you really want to earn her undying gratitude...don't be THAT GUY. Respect her time, her business. Let her go, let her live her busy life. Don't assume that you're special. That is such a rare courtesy in this business, that you will earn more appreciation from her than you would from ANY stupid email you send or lunch you take her to (which is another obligation for her, another chore...sorry).
Also, whenever a client starts contacting me too much OTC, or requests an OTC date...I know the end is near. He might see me a few more times, but it's become obvious that he wants to breach the p4p boundaries. So long as I don't need his money that badly (this is why I SAVE), I'll stick to my guns, and let him drift onward to the next victim when he finally realizes I'm not going to be manipulated
...why would a guy WANT to spend social time with someone who doesn't TRULY enjoy his presence, but rather sees that as more of a job? And it's really not that hard to tell the difference, IMO (though sure, we all can occassionally be fooled). Admittedly, I am VERY naive on that, as "mere toleration" is certainly a big part of what goes on in this hobby of illusions - but I just haven't reached the point in life where hanging out with someone pretending to like me sounds like a winning option. A little phony GFE attitude in the bedroom? Sure - that's part of this game. But beyond that? Meh, I'd rather the rest of life be a little more grounded in reality.
A client can be nice, and fun to be with, but if he oversteps his boundaries, it quickly can turn a good thing sour.
For example: I have a client I think is a really nice guy. He had a bad marriage, and I felt genuinely bad because I felt that he deserved better. He's stable, kind, funny, and even cute. But, when he began to send me frequent and personal (and tipsy) texts, I was annoyed. When he asked me to go on a 3-day trip for the price of an overnight, I was floored. I felt obligated to refuse the ENTIRE date, because I felt so uncomfortable. I still think he's a great guy, but this is how I make my living, and he is my client. He needs to respect that.
Unless she is the one initiating all of the emails or OTC, I'd bet she's feeling aggrieved by the OP's constant emails. Having been in that position a few times myself
...and it is very clear from your example too. And I agree.
Respecting and understanding boundaries is indeed important.
My point was more addressing guys having self-respect and pride. That's all. And this should indeed manifest itself by showing respect for ladies and their boundaries - or quite frankly, staying out of this hobby if you need more than what it can provide (sometimes this just has to be learned from experience though). But also for me personally this entails what I articulated in my previous post.
Some guys feel that paying a hooker to eat with him is like paying a friend to go to the movies with you...but yet they pay that same person to have sex with them.
Or one can overlook paying for sex but not overlook the other times? And I do see where you have mention this self respect is about respecting her boundaries
But I respect that others view and do things differently. And who knows, perhaps 20 years from now I will be in that camp.
Oh, and don't try TOO hard to persuade me that there is no self-respect in paying for sex with beautiful women, lol, you might talk me into quitting this fun little game! 
But for me, it boils down to having plenty of folks I can hang out with and do things with in real life, people who sincerely enjoy my presence - but at this time anyway, none of these offer fun NSA sex! So for social time, I'll stick with the former, but for NSA sex, at the moment beautiful providers will just have to do! And hey, no matter what, the sex is real. A lady might pretend to be enjoying it - but she is not pretending to have the sex!
Or look at it this way - you probably engage the services of many professionals in your daily life (hair salon, doctor, dentist, etc.) and perhaps are even friendly with many of them - but I doubt that you would ever dream of spending money to spend social time with them. Yes, of course this isn't exactly the same, as this service is personal and intimate like no other, I get that. But it is still a close enough parallel to illustrate my general thoughts. For those who like to pay for social time, great for them. And if you paid your dentist $300 to go out with you for a drink that's fine with me too lol. To each their own!
And damn if I haven't been long-winded in this thread. Too much time on my hands these past few days!
You are right, I will and would not pay to have lunch with my dentist. And nor would I charge the eat with a john if I choose to invite him
and busy doesn't just mean hobby business, many providers have civvie jobs which take up much more of their time than their hobbying, not to mention families. So yes, you may be considered a time-waster to her. She is not there to be your chat buddy, she is there to make money by seeing clients, which is what you are, you are not her personal friend. It doesn't matter how you view her, what matters is how she views you and you are just a client for the most part.
Leave them alone unless you are setting up another date. Now if she chatmails you first, that's a different ballgame, but don't get carried away with it.
LLAP,
Swim
...If that is really what you want, then you need to be a client who plays by the rules first. Which includes this e mail stuff. I think that everyone likes to think they are "special" in some way in P4P. The counterintuitive part is that the only way you get to be special is to keep your distance between appointments. Show that you will never cross into clingy and needy territory.
If you do that, then MAYBE a select few will start to treat you different than the typical client, DURING APPOINTMENTS. I have seen this happen with 2 out of maybe 20 providers I have seen. In one case, she enthusiastically introduces me to friends when we can't meet. Now without me asking. And in the other she talks about her hopes, fears, plans and so on. But in both these cases, my ONLY correspondence with them is a thank-you after the appointment. Sometimes they answer and sometimes they don't. I have convinced myself that I am kind of special with these two ladies, because I follow the rules and respect boundaries. I don't overthink this and second guess whether it is really true or not. I am also under no illusion that even a tiny bit of this friendliness would carry on if I started having goofy ideas about OTC time or deals.
If a client shows consideration for our boundaries, time, and business, we'll feel more comfortable offering him special treatment...and we're definitely more likely to want to do so.
I think that any kind of worker feels grateful if a client has a respectful, understanding, and compassionate attitude toward him/her as a professional. For example, take a waitress: if a table makes it clear that they realize she has other tables waiting for things, and wants to be sure that they're not rushing her or being overly demanding, she'll have more of a desire to make them happy. That table who's delaying her with chat while she is carrying 50 plates and a drink tray, and snaps their fingers at her...not so much.
Having a client respect our boundaries puts us at ease with him. We can feel more secure that he won't get carried away emotionally, and that he won't take advantage of our time (if she agrees to OTC dinner one time, it doesn't mean that it will happen every time, and it doesn't mean that other time booked - or spent with said client - should also be off the clock. Unless both parties agree that they're on the same page).
For a client to assume he's special comes across as very presumptuous. Unless he's earned it over time. Some of my clients really are special, and they know it 
But generally, it's me offering to take them out to lunch (I did that for one of my clients' milestone birthdays) and it's not them asking for it.
When I am pissing around on TER it is for play... my email is generally for business and you will get an auto response anyway.