LOL.........nothing like a nice smack in the face from reality in the morning. Well hello my friend Mr. Jeremy Bender.
A drunk loser, mongering whiner, why have we met? I feel we know each other so well.
I didn't actually take exception to what you said as much as I was trying to take responsibility for my initial post and I guess my actions. Bill18356 although we have never met has become a discussion board "pal" of mine and he was quick to tell you "Don't be so quick to judge" and although I appreciate the support I'm not ashamed nor afraid to defend myself or my actions. By that I mean my post not my actual actions in life (there is no defending them).
I do want to thank you because although your views are critical or even harsh you did take the time to post them. In some way even if in a critical one you are reaching out and I sincerely appreciate that.
The only thing I am going to try to defend is although I may be a drunk I am not a loser. I am in a slump I am in a bad place mentally, spiritually, and physically however this slump by no means defines my life, and I assure you it will have a Rocky type ending. To quote I will once again "shit thunder and fart lightning" I am a lot of things my friend but a loser is not one.
I bid you a good day, and once again thank you for sharing your opinions/feelings with me.
Be well everyone................Junior
(To complete the title line) than to have never loved at all.
I challenge that with perhaps there is no loss as strong or potent than the loss of love, love for another or love for thy self. With that being the case I often wonder if it is worth while ever loving at all?
I love my children I just spent a wonderful day with them. They are the only reason I stay in a vacant empty and meaningless relationship(marriage). The emptiness of the relationship would have consumed me had I not at one point met "another woman". This woman taught me more about love and life in the two years we shared together than I had ever known before. She being the beautiful and intelligent woman that she was wanted and deserved more from me and our relationship than I was able/willing to provide, I cannot leave my children yet. As such she did what she needed to for herself and moved on.
This has left me with a hole inside myself all the alcohol and "other" substances in the world can't fill(although I try like hell). As much time as I spend with any of these fine ladies it doesn't fill the hole.
I sit and type here today in the shadow of the man I was six months ago. A shadow which I cast and yet hide within. A cycle of destructive behavior that will someday have to stop, I hope to be there to see that day.
So my question dear friends, Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Am I better because I discovered love then lost it and am now destructively miserable. Or was I better in an empty relationship with my head up my ass thinking at the time that was as good as it gets in life? Is true ignorance bliss?
Don't worry kind folks this is not a desperate cry for help, I will be just fine (Considering I'm just a Dolt!! can someone tell me what a dolt is?)
Yes, I am hiding behind my alias as I would be ashamed for any of you to know who I really am. I look forward to seeing the many posts I feel this topic will generate. I myself am leaving the office soon to pursue some solace in the bottom of a vodka bottle or perhaps some pretty girls smile. It's too beautiful a day not to lock yourself in some bar.
stay well everyone...........I'll pester you tomorrow
As a now-adult child of divorce, I'd like to respond. You seem like a very intellignet guy, so please allow me to pay you the compliment of being blunt (obviously the below are only my personal opinions).
1. If you think that losing yourself in a fog of drugs and alcohol somehow still allows you to be 'there' for your children, you're wrong...even if you aren't a mean or obvious drunk.
2. If you think it's better for your kids that you stay in this fundamentally horrible relationship, you are wrong.
3. We all know that the best teacher is example, right? How do you think your suffer-through-unhappiness-at-all-costs example is working out as a teacher for your kids? And ya, they know. Kids are smart.
Look, I know that life situations are vastly more complicated than anything I can write, since I don't know you, but the bottom line is this: if you're a happier person, you can be a better Dad to your kids. Period. Your sacrifice has no real upside, when compared to the possibilities of you bing happy, and the effect of that alone on your kids.
I agree! Why do you feel that you will lose your children if you give up on the marriage? Single Dads have rights too! In the long run your children will be much better off with a sober
and happier father.
I don't know how old your children are, but if they are over the age of 4 or 5, they know, on some level, that mommy and daddy aren't happy. I know I certainly did, and I can't even describe the grief, fear, and pure sorrow that it will cause.
My parents "stayed together for the kids", too. Cannot tell you how much I wish they wouldn't have. Some of the fights I saw between them I never should have seen. Maybe you and your wife don't do that, but kids are amazingly resilliant when their parents are happy.
Although it pains me and probably many others to hear of your lott in life. Take solace that many of us have our own empty realities and personal disillusionment we face daily. I may be wrong here but I believe it was Thoreau who wrote
"Most men live lives of quiet desperation"
You're in good company bro'
Cm.
P.S. "dolt" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (dlt)
n.
A stupid person; a dunce
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Dolt
-- Modified on 6/20/2005 11:31:21 AM
and no matter how painful it was at the end, yeah it was better to have loved and lost.
When we finally have some time to meet I'll tell you some things I did to get through it, just promise me you'll have the good sense not to do any of these things.
providers can't and won't give you the emotional attachment you're missing but they can stop the bleeding for a very brief period of time. Time will be your true healer, sorry but thats just the way it is
that I did not try something.
To be in love is one of the greatest joys there is to being human. If you believe there is nothing after death, then why not enjoy all life has to offer.
Yes, the loss of love is painful. But, living a dull life is even worse. You just don't know it.
I have been there as well. There once was a girl who stole my heart, but not my soul. My soul was with my wife at the time. There was so much to think about. A child, a business, the fear of being alone, that she too did what she had to. Eventually we divorced and I found comfort in another woman, and have been married for 8 years (next month). I don't get to spend fathers day with my child sinc his mother always finds some excuse to take him away from me. Believe me, I shed no tears over this one. I did have a wonderful day with my current wife and child though.
As far as the girl who got away.....sadly she developed a fatal illness, and spent the rest of her life alone. Tears are shed for that, believe me since I still feel some of her demise is my fault. Had I been a stronger person, perhaps I could have saved her
you expect people to feel sorry for some drunk who got thrown out of the house for cheating on his wife--and then getting dumped by his mistress? Sorry, dude. Be a man and accept responsibilty for your actions. I'm sure that that ex-wife and those kids you abandoned have a different tale to tell.
I stayed with my one and only spouse for thirty plus years. Yeah, do the math. Why? Because I thought I owed it to my family. All I gave my children was a role model for an unhappy marriage and both of them picked the same type of mates when they married. Granted, there was NO help for someone in my situation in those days and the family looked the other way so I stuck it out and tried in vain to please that man.I never could so I finally woke up and decided it was time to please myself. THAT is good mental health. Not exhibiting unhappiness, resentment and bitterness toward someone who cannot or will not affirm you as a human being. Leave! Life is too short to sit around waiting for happiness and you do your children NO service by thinking that staying in a loveless marriage is the right thing to do. Children feel the tension and grow up to be the people you and your unhappy spouse were. Be greatful that you had the time with that lovely lady. It shows you that life can be joyful. Be thankful for that and quit self medicating to mask the unhappiness. That offers no benefit for your children and certainly not for yourself. You can still be a fine father as a divorced man. Probably an even better one if you can become the person you were intended to be without the constraints of an unhappy marriage. I wish you the courage and conviction to do what is right for YOU first. If it's good and healthy for you, it will be even better for your children. IMHO
Good luck,
Anneke
but he won't married for long if he doesn't pick his sorry, drunk ass up, quit whining and take responsibilty for his bad decisions.
unless you've walked in his same shoes. I stayed much longer than I should have with my first wife only for the children. Last 5 years we barely communicated and that was only out of necessity. Woke up one morning after being out late and the friggin lunatic is sitting next to me on the bed and holding a knife to my throat.
You don't know his wife and you don't know him but I'll guarantee you'll be less judgemental and after you go through a divorce.
I'm not judging the infidelity or the drinking--I judge the crying about it.
This is a Discussion Board. On Monday I had placed a post relating to my weekend, my fathers day, and my personal reasons for why I endulge in this hobby.
Each day there are dozens of "Erectile Disfunction" "My wife doesn't put out" "My wife is a pig" posts placed on these boards and similar ones throughout the net.
My reason for participating is to make up for a love lost. To relive the experiences I was lucky enough to enjoy with a beautiful woman in my past. A woman who with my entire heart and soul I wanted to spend my life with......however I couldn't bring myself to dissapoint my son. And so each day I live with my dissapointment in myself. Each morning when I awake I look in the mirror in the eye of the man who has betrayed me and my chance at happiness.
To try and live with the inner betrayal I self medicate with excessive amounts of alcohol and other substances. Killing my pain and perhaps eventually my betrayer. If I "cried" on this board it was because I wish the son that I love dearly had a stonger man as a father.
So I'm sorry if my admission of my weakness and my reasons for participating in this hobby weren't to your liking. I was trying to add to the "discussion". Not all men are here because of their limp dicks, or fat wives.
be well Jeremy..............
and that's not a good thing. It makes sense to take some responsibility when things fail but its unrealistic to believe its totally your fault. At least that's what my over priced therapist tells me 
You're right all of us hobbyists see providers for different reasons, my reasons may be the strangest of them all and only one provider have I shared this with.
There's nothing weak about being torn apart by tough decisions and thanks for sharing.
Ya big lug now ya made me all icky
you said you have a son and daughter, right? You have made several references to not wanting to dissapoint your son, what about the daughter? No matter your decisions, they affect her as well.
Yes I do have a daughter she is 9. I love her as well however I as a man relate better with my son and his relationship with me mirrors that of mine with my father at this age of my sons life. I'm his hero, not Bizzaro Superdude nor Lex Luther or Superman himself can compare to me in my sons eye's and I can relate to that as my father was also my hero. So I mention him a bit more because I do relate to him a little better, but you are correct my decisions have equal affect on both my children.
to what I said. Basically in your initial post you said, if I can paraphrase, that you are a drunk loser. I just happened to agree with you. I just don't think that it serves you to waste your time and cry about it. Unless you are 15 years old, you should get over it, be a man and take responsibilty. Trust me, you are doing your son no favors by showing him an example of a drunk, mongering, whiner.
LOL.........nothing like a nice smack in the face from reality in the morning. Well hello my friend Mr. Jeremy Bender.
A drunk loser, mongering whiner, why have we met? I feel we know each other so well.
I didn't actually take exception to what you said as much as I was trying to take responsibility for my initial post and I guess my actions. Bill18356 although we have never met has become a discussion board "pal" of mine and he was quick to tell you "Don't be so quick to judge" and although I appreciate the support I'm not ashamed nor afraid to defend myself or my actions. By that I mean my post not my actual actions in life (there is no defending them).
I do want to thank you because although your views are critical or even harsh you did take the time to post them. In some way even if in a critical one you are reaching out and I sincerely appreciate that.
The only thing I am going to try to defend is although I may be a drunk I am not a loser. I am in a slump I am in a bad place mentally, spiritually, and physically however this slump by no means defines my life, and I assure you it will have a Rocky type ending. To quote I will once again "shit thunder and fart lightning" I am a lot of things my friend but a loser is not one.
I bid you a good day, and once again thank you for sharing your opinions/feelings with me.
Be well everyone................Junior
...because right now my two biggest problems are...
1) Choosing a Miss July
2) Figuring out how I'm going to afford her
So, junior, you had a love and you lost her. Big deal. I had a nice watch and a lost it. In both cases, the solution is the same:
Buy a new one.
That post alone is evidence that I should not be exposed to sobriety for too long!!
Well I think my subject line really says it all, thanks. My kids are 9(girl)& 7(son). The thought of disappointing/hurting my son is what terrifies me, and it's that fear that immobilizes me.
Anywho....it's a new day a new morning dawning, you know what I love best about the morning......it's only 8 hours till happy hour!!
be well everyone...........