I agree with the general advice because it is obviously correct: do not pester the escorts.
I also agree that the advice given on the Newbie Board should be solid and that requires holding advice givers to a high standard. But damn, the dude just did not advocate pestering escorts. Re-read his post. The point is worth making strongly, but Mints got blasted for saying what he didn't say. Meh... I get my Irish up way too often.I have tried to get in touch with a visiting provider via email twice, but haven't had much luck, so I'm wondering...
... how many times do I email her before she thinks I'm a stalker or a creep?
tl;dr - This particular provider has a nice website, very good reviews and has posted in the boards here more than once in the recent past. She specializes in some things I'd like to try, so I wanted to introduce myself before she got to town.
So I emailed her (as suggested on her website) with an introductory email. I never heard anything back.
About 5 days later, I emailed her again asking if she'd gotten the first email and this time, she responded almost immediately saying she'd never received the first email that she'd review my verification information and reviews and be back in touch "soon".
Now, a month later, I still haven't heard from her, but her visit starts in the next few days. I figure emailing her one more time is the limit - either 3rd time's a charm or 3 strikes and I'm out - but I wanted to know what y'all think?
TIA,
BS
you can email again & try to set up the appointment. I'd gently remind you'd asked for prescreening.
...but that is just me. It has been my experience that if she wanted to see you she would have replied after you sent in your info.
BTW, did you ask for a specific date and time? It has also been my experience that you won't get a response unless you're serious. They get a lot of time wasters who never follow through with an appointment.
Since she did respond back to you the second time I would email one more time.
Ask her if the verification went through okay or does she need additional info.
Add a date or dates that work for you so she knows you are really interested.
If you send the third email and no answer move on.
Good luck to you.
as jaydalee just said, I would try one more time as well.
You might say something like. "I see your tour is about to start and that you will be in town in the next few days, I hope you didn't run into any issues with my screening, and I would love to see you on ___, if you need anything else from me before confirming, feel free to get back to me, and I will be happy to assist"
One more time is what I advise as well!
Steph xoxo
No reason not to set one last email. What can it hurt? Don't worry about her feelings. She'll either respond or won't. You aren't creeping on her, its her fault for not responding. She should have the common curtsey to decline seeing you but I get that its just easier not to respond, it eliminates the drama. Though you could always post on your regional board about it. I'm sure she'd love to get outed, but it is useful information.
Either she didn't wanted to see you or the time slot you desired was filled. Did you try asking for a range of times/dates? It may help. Sometimes, they just forget or only see so many guys a day and there are already at their limit. If you asked for a 1 hour date, you'll often get pushed off, as she waits for better offers. Better that she didn't set a date and cancel the day before because a "better" client came along. We all know this happens on occasion and at least to me, its perfectly understandable. Its a business. Sometimes, they just don't think that you would be compatible for what ever reason or are protecting their scores or don't like to see new guys.
Have a back up plan to fill the time slot you where holding for her but I'd only give her a 4 hours to half a day to respond before moving on.
... how many times do I email her before she thinks I'm a stalker or a creep?
tl;dr - This particular provider has a nice website, very good reviews and has posted in the boards here more than once in the recent past. She specializes in some things I'd like to try, so I wanted to introduce myself before she got to town.
So I emailed her (as suggested on her website) with an introductory email. I never heard anything back.
About 5 days later, I emailed her again asking if she'd gotten the first email and this time, she responded almost immediately saying she'd never received the first email that she'd review my verification information and reviews and be back in touch "soon".
Now, a month later, I still haven't heard from her, but her visit starts in the next few days. I figure emailing her one more time is the limit - either 3rd time's a charm or 3 strikes and I'm out - but I wanted to know what y'all think?
TIA,
BS
You are right about one thing, she is possibly not responding to avoid any drama, the "why won't you see me" drama.
So you want to slam her on a regional board? Okay then why not put a trick on a dns list if he doesn't add the right info in his intro email. Surely a trick can read simple instructions on a website right? Do you realize how many cannot?
You just seem bitter and bitchy. I am guessing you have been refused more times than not and now have an attitude. Why not grow up and simply move on and find someone to put up with you Twomints.
Got me, I can't get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of fifties.
Yes of course, OP's issue has probably happened to every guy. It has happened to me more then a few times. I usually go through P411 and even with double digit okays and stellar references, it happened again this month. What ever the reason, I really don't care but most people don't like to be ignored or left wondering if the date is going to happen. Many of us wait to set up another date, because we don't want to double book even though we don't have a confirmation. I've had a handful of ladies, check me out weeks in advance and then wait until a day or two before to try to confirm with me without any communication in between. Guess what I already moved on and set up to see someone else. My time request are somewhat inflexible and I don't expect that every request can be fulfilled. I guarantee the only reason, I'm getting rejected is because they either get or are waiting on a better offer (longer date) or they are trying to protect their inflated ratings. Its a business, I expect nothing less.
Ladies think that they are avoiding drama, and maybe with some guys they are, but not responding is the same as a rejection. With some guys it really eats at them. It doesn't matter to me. I don't pine for specific ladies, there are so many I'd love to see. I simply don't have the funds, time or ability to fuck them all. So I just move on, remove that lady from my list, and happily ask another lady and I've never failed to find quality companionship.
Maybe if we did "out" the ladies as being flaky, and I didn't say slam, they would start responding to requests even if its just a little lie to let the guy down easy. I doubt it. Its just easier to not respond. If ladies are overwhelmed with requests and emails, get an assistant.
Personal, once I send a request, I'll almost never follow up if they didn't respond but its almost always through P411, so I know that they got it and if they viewed my profile.
I'd never request a "date" through a website, so I guess I can't be on the dns list for that transgression. That method seems so impersonal, I'd at least like them to know a bit about my likes (P411) or swap a few emails to get s sense of the each other.
To me, you are the one that sounds bitter.
So you want to slam her on a regional board? Okay then why not put a trick on a dns list if he doesn't add the right info in his intro email. Surely a trick can read simple instructions on a website right? Do you realize how many cannot?
You just seem bitter and bitchy. I am guessing you have been refused more times than not and now have an attitude. Why not grow up and simply move on and find someone to put up with you Twomints.
a great strategy if you want to end up on every hookers DNS list that is.
This isn't Match.com, do you have this desire to "out" a plumber who is too busy to give you a quote and who doesn't feel like holding your hand to "let you down easily"?
This is a business, if a woman doesn't get back to you, simply put your "big boy pants" on and move along to the next lady instead of getting all butt hurt about why some lady you have never met isn't responding back to you fast enough.
For the record, I NEVER wonder if the date is going to happen if she doesn't get back to me. I am hardly a rocket scientist, but it's a pretty good bet that if she doesn't get back to me, no date is going to occur. See how easy that is?
and for the record H+T is not bitter, she is a man hating bitch, there is a difference. lol She also gives MUCH better advice than you. You might want to look in the mirror if this type of thing keeps happening to you. I rarely if ever have any of these types of problems, but I am not trying to "woo" a provider before seeing her, I am only trying to hire her. You might try approaching this "hobby" with that attitude, you might find yourself disappointed a lot less often.
I just wish they would get it right...LOL, How the hell are you buddy?
If a hooker is not getting back to you move the heck on and leave it alone. I have personally done the right thing and given a reason on more than enough occasions to know that it is a futile effort because the drama that came with it was nasty.
If it has happened to you more than a few times, you might need to assess what you are doing. Being illegal and all, if you throw up a red flag, and you contacted me, I would just delete and block your email. Or you are just creeping ladies out for some reason.
We are not here to placate the insecure guys, we are here to make money. To spend all that time hand holding and kissing ass because the guy is a creep is not in my job description and I do very well.
You keep suggesting to the hookers how to run their businesses and I can almost guarantee you will be refused even more.
Grow up and move on. Or get into flower decorating or a knitting circle where you can all not hurt each others feelings
I guess, I wasn't clear.
I never give a fuck if a lady doesn't get back to me. I was speaking for others that may be more sensitive. If a lady is good looking to me, within my price range and does some/all of the things I like, I might ask to see them. In my narrow area, that's close to 4 pages of ladies. I'll never be able to see them all. If some lady doesn't want to see me, that's their loss, I'm actually a decent looking guy (not that it matters), in reasonable shape and I'm happy to give as well as I get. I'm polite, clean, and friendly. I don't negotiate, don't ask for things that aren't clearly on the menu and only stay as long as I'm welcome. I don't have a bunch of fetishes, I don't need special clothing, (I'm not judging anyone) I don't need a specific position to finish. I don't jam my fingers in orifices unless asked to do so, I don't spank unless I know they like it, cause it doesn't do anything for me other then exciting me to see/feel the lady get excited. I know most of its fake, that I'm paying for the allusion. I'm not overly particular either. Younger, older, aa, white, brown, yellow, purple whatever I like them all. I've seen super skinny gals with hardly any boobs to heavier ladies with gigantic breasts. Ladies with near perfect C cups (to me) to ladies with DD bolt-ons that don't look at that great. Sure to me a skinny young thing with a great ass is "hotter" that doesn't mean that they are are a better fuck, and after all that's what I'm there to do. Performance "scores" have always mattered more to me.
I get that you don't think that guys should be aware of ladies that are flakes, or don't respond. That they should be left wondering what happened. (I really don't believe that) Experienced guys know better, but newer guys may fret about it. That isn't you or I. A few months ago, I got the dreaded NC/NS. Guess what, I didn't out her. Shit happens, she said she overslept. She offered to reschedule, after I politely emailed her after she was late. I didn't.
We shouldn't pretend that some ladies, cannot manage there affairs but we can argue if that should be public knowledge. I tried to elaborate on what could have happened. I could have simply, as others did, say move along, she doesn't want to see you. That he shouldn't even bother emailing her again. If she can't manage arranging a date, or has to many clients or is dealing with personal issues, move along there are plenty of ladies that are as good or better that are willing to see you. But It sounded like he really wanted to see her, so yes another email might be appropriate.
I'm not bitter or bitching, at this point it doesn't effect me at all. Though I can recall, early on when I got ignored, it did leave me wondering if I somehow offended the lady. I know better now, but others might now understand that's the way it is.
And yes, I'd out a plumber that didn't respond to me. Wouldn't you tell your "friends" that they didn't respond when you called? Just like I'd out a restaurant that didn't meet my expectations. (as limited as they are)
/rant over
To tell a friend or three that the plumber you emailed did not gat back to you in the time you thought fine and quite another to post that on a message board where hundreds read it. She has no recourse to say that you said something inappropriate etc. And what you think might be okay could very well scare her off.
But if it makes you feel better do what you need to do. I just hope that what you give out does come back to you 10 fold.
NCNS IS something worth outing a provider (or a client) for, as it costs you time, and perhaps money because of her (or his) blatant disregard for your time.
OTOH, simply not returning an email or phone call, while seemingly a bit rude, doesn't cost you a thing. Maybe she just didn't like the way you write, and all of your claims about how great looking, polite etc can also be read as a guy who "tries too hard" which can be very off putting to any woman who has ever been stalked.
Women sometimes don't respond to men, and men sometimes don't respond to women, Deal with it.
Every date, I ask for, has roughly the same message.
Hey baby, I'd love to meet you.
If it isn't P411, I'll add the time and location. If additional screening is required, I'll give that information.
take care,
twomints
I've never mentioned anything about myself, I don't get cutie or suggestive, I don't discuss sex acts or money.
I clearly stated it isn't a big deal if they don't respond to me. There are plenty of ladies to choose from. Many more then I'll ever get a chance to see.
OTOH, simply not returning an email or phone call, while seemingly a bit rude, doesn't cost you a thing. Maybe she just didn't like the way you write, and all of your claims about how great looking, polite etc can also be read as a guy who "tries too hard" which can be very off putting to any woman who has ever been stalked.
Women sometimes don't respond to men, and men sometimes don't respond to women, Deal with it.
your advice to "out her" was some of the worst advice ever given on this board. The only thing that would accomplish would be to get the OP on every womans DNS list who read his post outing her for the high crime of not responding to an email or two.
Put yourself in the place of any hooker reading a post made by some butt hurt john, whining about how some woman didn't coddle him by returning his emails. If you were a hooker, would you ever even think about booking with a guy that high maintenance? Please think before you give advice here, we are talking to newbies who are looking to find their way here. Don't get them blacklisted before they even get started.
I think the Newbie Board should adopt it's own Hippocratic oath. First rule of The Newbie Board should be "DO NO HARM!!!"
I think it is great that the standard of behavior is high here, but I just don't get what is the big deal here...
I re-read his OP and it was fine. Take out the following two sentences and it was spot on:
Though you could always post on your regional board about it. I'm sure she'd love to get outed, but it is useful information.
Ok, "out" was a poor choice of words but I have to think you are purposefully mis-reading what he wrote. He said the dude "could" post on the regional board about it, not that he "should" or that it was even a good idea. He then followed up by pointing out that it would be bad for her...
It is almost like you are conflating his use of the term "out" with outing her identity.
And then he makes a reasonable and non-aggro response and then the "stalker" word and implications that this happens to him all the time and he is bitter etc...
I mean, yeah, he has unreasonable expectations of reliability and responsiveness from escorts but jesus..
Here is my point, and why I take such issue with what he said. What if the OP took him literally and posted on his regional board that such and such hooker wasn't returning his emails? Can you imagine the reaction from the peanut gallery? The poor newb's name would be mud in his home town before he even got started. That's why we need to be careful with the advice we give to the newbs
Sometimes ladies don't call back in a timely manner - or at all - and for many many reasons.
Most important lesson for newbies is to completely internalize the phrase "move on."
Not always easy for a new guy to hear, when he has his sights on one particular lady and is so concerned with following the right "protocols" and he's hoping he didn't make some small mistake that has doomed him to hobby virginhood forever.
But this is precisely the "wisdom" we need to impart to newbies. Be a decent guy. Don't obsess over one lady - or anything else in this hobby for that matter. Once you got the basics down, just use your common sense for particulars (like "is it okay to send just one more email?"). Relax and have fun. I don't see the point in calling out a lady for not resonding to emails. That is not something we want newbs to think is a standard course of action. Learning that sometimes you just don't hear back from ladies for any one of a million reasons - most of which have nothing to do you - and to not take things personally but rather to just MOVE ON - that is the message we need to strongly impart
I agree with the general advice because it is obviously correct: do not pester the escorts.
I also agree that the advice given on the Newbie Board should be solid and that requires holding advice givers to a high standard.
But damn, the dude just did not advocate pestering escorts. Re-read his post.
The point is worth making strongly, but Mints got blasted for saying what he didn't say.
Meh... I get my Irish up way too often.
"Though you could always post on your regional board about it. I'm sure she'd love to get outed, but it is useful information."
I don't agree that this would be good to share on a regional board. Remember, we are not talking about a no-show, but just someone who didn't respond to emails. This would be a petty move IMO, would not provide particularly useful info, and if anything, might only hurt the poster's rep as he could come off as a drama queen. My advice was the attitudinal opposite, advising guys to have a different frame of mind - to understand the landscape of how things often go, and to learn not to sweat the little things and overreact. This is for their own good too. I just beleive that the last thing any newbie should be contemplatng is posting about a lady on a regional board to tell people she didn't reply to emails. "Just move along and have fun with someone else" is the message we need to be drumming into newbs.
but I wouldn't post this issue on a RB. It's not an "outable"? offense IMO because she could respond to his 3rd eamil and all goes well.
Either she didn't wanted to see you or the time slot you desired was filled. Did you try asking for a range of times/dates? It may help. Sometimes, they just forget or only see so many guys a day and there are already at their limit. If you asked for a 1 hour date, you'll often get pushed off, as she waits for better offers. Better that she didn't set a date and cancel the day before because a "better" client came along. We all know this happens on occasion and at least to me, its perfectly understandable. Its a business. Sometimes, they just don't think that you would be compatible for what ever reason or are protecting their scores or don't like to see new guys.
Have a back up plan to fill the time slot you where holding for her but I'd only give her a 4 hours to half a day to respond before moving on.
... how many times do I email her before she thinks I'm a stalker or a creep?
tl;dr - This particular provider has a nice website, very good reviews and has posted in the boards here more than once in the recent past. She specializes in some things I'd like to try, so I wanted to introduce myself before she got to town.
So I emailed her (as suggested on her website) with an introductory email. I never heard anything back.
About 5 days later, I emailed her again asking if she'd gotten the first email and this time, she responded almost immediately saying she'd never received the first email that she'd review my verification information and reviews and be back in touch "soon".
Now, a month later, I still haven't heard from her, but her visit starts in the next few days. I figure emailing her one more time is the limit - either 3rd time's a charm or 3 strikes and I'm out - but I wanted to know what y'all think?
TIA,
BS
that the dropout has the courtesy to notify her a bit in advance. You might even couch your next contact like "I see you will be here in Kookamonga next week. Please keep me in mind if you have any available times, because I find you awesomely attractive. My schedule is flexible and I would try real hard to accommodate yours. PS my tongue is ten inches long and prehensile." Worth a shot.
...varying levels of pre-date customer service. But if the actual DATE customer service is there, then she can get away with all kinds of things that normally would doom service-oriented businesses (slow response to questions, frequent last minute cancellations, etc.). So in this "hobby environment" where you don't always know the kind of lady you are dealing with - just use your best judgement about these kinds of things, and don't worry too much about "rules" and about the slight chance that some lady who you don't know MIGHT not react positively to one more email. If YOU are still interested in her, then another email seems very reasonable, because it is very clear that you are far away from stalker territory.
Recent example for me was very loosely agreeing to a day to meet a visitor (two weeks in advance), but her never replying back to firm things up and agree to a time, even despite a follow-up note I sent 2-3 days before the day. Well, the night before our loosely selected day, she surprised me with an email, looking to confirm things and set a time. We did end up working things out, and had a great date - so you never really know with these kinds of things. She could be busy, forgetful, unorganized, or perhaps she just a takes a long time to screen, or perhaps was waiting to hear back from a favorite who she would give priority! - who really knows? And none of it really matters. Don't go overboard with contact, but also don't obsessively worry about how a lady might react either. Just use your best judgement, and see what happens...
Considering the fact that she's missed an email from you before, it's very likely that other stuff got lost in cyberspace. One more follow-up couldn't hurt.
most gals want to prebook at least some appts to cover the costs before commiting. She SHOULD be prebooking now, so this is the right time for a reminder. A lot of gals gert so much mail, it's easy to get lost. What counts is the firm date.