And while the hobby has definite advantages over spousal bliss, it involves real people and thus is susceptible to the ills thereby.
I don't want to post this in the General forum because I really don't feel like being ripped to shreds.
If a provider and one of her regulars has a falling out, is it still incumbent upon her to provide a good referral for him (assuming that, aside from the squabble, he's fine), or can she say "no comment" or give him a bad referral?
It's been over six months since I saw anyone except my favorite-to-date, and I'm now without referrals except for what she will or won't provide. I've seen her often enough, and she's well-known enough, that many or most other providers would take a referral from her alone.
reason of the fall out was. If it was related to something that the provider feels compromises her safety or makes her feel uncomfortable so that she wouldn't want to see him/her again, then I would expect that provider to relate that info to other providers, if asked.
-- Modified on 12/26/2014 9:56:49 PM
No, it was about cancellations, rescheduling, things like that.
Excessive cancellations and rescheduling are two things that make a guy a less than ideal client. Those are two bits of information a new lady would like to be able to consider before taking you on as a new client. You can ask her if she will give you a good reference. However you might want to try a different approach to seeing someone new, because she is under no obligation to give you a steller reference if she has had issues with you
She was the one who was canceling and rescheduling on me at the last minute. If I canceled, I gave a week or more notice.
P.S. Not an attack on you, but just a general observation that on the forums there seems to be a presumption of guilt when it comes to the guys.
-- Modified on 12/26/2014 11:17:25 PM
If that's the case, whether she would be a good reference or not depends on how things ended. If you had a big dust up and told her what you really think about her business practices the bridge is probably burned. If you still see her once in a while but want to go out exploring for someone new she might be happy to give you one. You know best how things were left when you last spoke.
It sounds like things got comfortable enough for her to take your business for granted. If you are a member of a varification service that might be a better way to go than a reference from her. If you're not a member, you might want to check into it.
-- Modified on 12/27/2014 1:42:01 AM
They are not an obligation, they are a courtesy. If she doesn't want to provide a reference, she doesn't have to. Plain and simple. That said, is giving a reference for a good client the nice thing to do? Of course, and most ladies will. Just know that it's not "incumbent" upon her to do anything for you outside of the time you've paid for.
It is a courtesy. No lady is obliged to give a reference. There are all sorts of situations that can arise from using a lady as a reference, including her knowing who you are seeing, or just refusing to give that reference.
Get P411 verified.
-- Modified on 12/27/2014 11:56:57 AM
I subscribed to P411 for a year, but that was just to book with one provider (who didn't show up). Every other provider I've booked with or want to book with requires referrals from established providers.
I hope you didn't have a confrontation with her about ending your business relationship (break up letter?). If so, then you probably won't be able to count on a reference from her. When dealing with an unreliable provider, it's best to just quietly move on rather than make a big stink about it - in which case you'd probably have a good reference to take with you.
How long ago was this spat? If only a week or two, give it another few weeks and then send her a friendly make-up email and see if she responds in kind. I'm willing to bet she will. Gals aren't as bad as guys are about carrying grudges.
For the future, don't have all your eggs in one basket. See several gals so you don't find yourself in this predicament.
I have had a number of spats over the years, and in most cases we have reconnected. One in particular took about 3 years to heal, but I tell ya the make up sex was out of this world.
Didn't we get into this life and pay money to avoid these types of hassles? Sounds like a regular fight with a SO or wife. Who the hell wants that?
You see someone long enough, pretend to be friends, eventually you might even feel like friends, have fights, make up, etc.
Just because you like to hobby in one particular way, that does not mean it is the only way, or the right way.
-- Modified on 12/27/2014 11:56:42 AM
And while the hobby has definite advantages over spousal bliss, it involves real people and thus is susceptible to the ills thereby.
It was a spat on my end, not on hers. I got pissed because we'd been scheduled for a particular day, one that she had selected about a week before. I emailed her to confirm, and didn't hear back. I have to spend the day before I see her driving to her city and getting a hotel. I emailed the day before I was to leave and didn't get a reply. I had to cancel my hotel and dog sitter. When I finally did get a reply, it was too late for the hotel and sitter. She gave a very transparently untrue excuse, saying she couldn't find anyone to watch her kid the day of our meet. She doesn't have a kid or, if she does, she was lying when I'd asked her about kids months before. Also, her assistant had emailed me to say she was available (I had emailed her assistant to try to confirm).
If it had been just this once, it would be one thing, but this follows several similar episodes, including canceling on me last minute after I'd already driven to her city and stayed overnight. She called to say "see you at noon" and then called 20 minutes later to say her grandmother was dying and she had her period.
I probably did burn bridges, as I emailed her and laid into her about everything that she'd done. Not very bright on my part. I knew I shouldn't do it, but the idea that she thought I was dumb enough to believe those excuses galled me.
I already have an appointment with another provider for next week, and I'm already approved for an agency. So, I could book an agency provider to get a second referral if necessary
Send her an email, say you are sorry for going off on her, but the cancellation upset you. Then ask if she would be okay providing a reference for you while you explore seeing new ladies.
There is a decent chance she says fine. If she does not answer, or says no, then you need to make other plans. But if you start by saying you are sorry, the odds she will do a reference for you go way up.
Well let's say it was me t make this easy, I would also add that the john has a propensity to go off if things don't go his way.
Truthfully, if I want refs from a guy and he gives me at the very least two, I will not tell him who I contacted so whomever I do, can tell me the truth. If I contact only one and he knows which one and she is honest and I won't see him, he can take it out on her.
I am sure that has happened. References should be as truthful as reviews as we all know what happens sometimes when a jh is truthful...the shit can hit the fan, well it can happen in reverse too
Sounds like a lulu.
Good to hear you found someone else.
Well, I wouldn't say I've found someone else. I'm looking.
The same thing happened back in January. I got fed up with her shenanigans, and looked elsewhere. Between the no-shows, dog in the bed, general disappointments, and providers whose photos and reviews didn't measure up to hers, I decided to see if she'd agree to be more respectful of my time. That didn't last long.
She's everything I'd want in a provider (except not Italian): gorgeous, a body that very, very few providers have, a really sweet disposition, and incredible performance. She just doesn't consider other people's time, or at least some others
I would have moved on long ago after being disrespected in the manner you say you have been.