I've met a lot of charming, interesting women - who are very real when I am with them, as I am too (at least of the parts of ourselves we are willing to share with each other).
BUT, it is limited to the time of our dates (and I am a single guy too).
From your reply here, I think you are on a bit of shaky ground, looking for too much from these relationships - but this is for you to figure out. You may end up losing these women as providers if they become uncomfortable with your expectations. How to process and compartmentalize these interactions has been a learning process for me too over the last 2 years - as we are all human, and "non-intimate yet very intimate" nature of this activity can mess with your head. But if you are using this activity to try to fill any hole (no pun intended!) in your life other than for fun and adventure - I think you are looking in the wrong place - and are setting yourself up for disappointment.
I asked this one provider to come up to an event as just a friend and support and nothing more, I told her it wasn't gonna be a date or anything hobby related. But she seemed interested enough and even replied back saying that if she doesn't have work she'll be there, now I know that's still up in the air, since I'm expecting her to be there in the first place, but I don't think I overstept any boundry. I did also invite one other provider who I equally trust given the amount of time I spent with both of them individually and together, and through their trust in me, even thought the event in question is months away and I also don't even expect her to respond. To put it into context I'm still in school and it will be an academic related event where I will be a presenter, and even if they did feel the need just to say hi and congratulate me, it wouldn't be to awkward given that we're all roughly the same age. It's a weird situation, but I think I handled it pretty well. But I guess only time will tell eh.
If you haven't spent substantial OTC time with these ladies then you're expecting too much. If you have, you should still go into this with no expectations and just be happily surprised if they show up at your event. Friendships happen here, there's really nothing to feel weird about, especially if you're all single. Just take it slow, be cool and don't force it.
then it is probably OK.
I have been asked myself to attend certain social functions with various providers I know, and because of our friendship, I've been very happy to do so. So, turnabout is fair play.
Of course, there are the questions that arise about how you know the person, etc. As long as you have a cover story for these things, it should work out OK.
Mix fantasy with reality? Hope it works out for you but prepare yourself for disappointment. There is a reason we call this a hobby - sorry to sound cynical, but this game does have boundaries.
now trust your own instincts (and not your heart).
If you make a mistake, then so be it, it will be a learning experience.
One key thing about this hobby is to understand the fundamental realities though:
the ladies NEED for us to like them in order to make a living, so they will charm your butt off in many instances to do so. But they are DOING THIS TO EVERY GUY THEY MEET. You are not special in this way. Even if you are a great guy, there are lots of other "great guys" who are clients too - and EVEN IF ON SOME LEVEL she does "kind of" like you, there is no practical way that she can really be "friends" with ALL such good guys she meets. It is just not practical, and actually works against her own business interest.
Now, figure your own way through this. Oh, and regarding the notion that this is taking advantage of a lady, asking for OTC time, etc. - I don't put much weight in that. It may or may not make her feel uncomfortable, but she is a big girl and can decide what she wants to do on her own. None of us here can speak for her. Understand the fundamental realities of the hobby, but also keep your own dignity too. Personally, my time is valuable to me too. And if a lady would only be interested in spending casual time (dining, etc.) with me if I paid her hundreds of $ to do so? I can't imagine why I would want to do that. If we connect enough to want to share a bite after a date, then great. But if the connection is just a "bedroom" connection, then I'm more than happy to leave it at that. (I suppose 20 years from now, if I am friendless and lonely, and perhaps a whole lot wealthier - I might put my dignity aside and go this route, lol, but I'm far from that point in my life now).
Good luck with your situation. No matter what, I hope you learn from your experience.
-- Modified on 9/20/2014 10:56:50 PM
She and the other girl don't try to charm me, with BS sweet talk or terms of endearment and our time together doesn't feel forced and they're the only ones that do, but I've met very few providers I connect with, it's only really been 3, one other one I didn't invite because she's also occupied with school and has kids and that would be to much of me to ask , and I'm not necessarily easy to relate to or connect with in the civie world I have a very limited amount of friends for that reason and they are true friends, and before people start blasting me about needing to find a civie girl, that's a personal choice I make not because I'm not confident it won't work out, but because most women up her where I'm at want to stay up here for some reason, which is great and all but my career will probably have me move, either to the southwest or midwest, or even to the pacific coast. So for that reason I don't even try to bother with a relationship because it'll just be time wasted on someone who doesn't want the same things I want or doesn't want to support me. Maybe I'm wrong in thinking like that and maybe I'm missing out on knowing some awesome ladies, but that's a risk I'm willing to take, especially since I don't ever plan on marrying as I stand nothing to gain from it.
I've met a lot of charming, interesting women - who are very real when I am with them, as I am too (at least of the parts of ourselves we are willing to share with each other).
BUT, it is limited to the time of our dates (and I am a single guy too).
From your reply here, I think you are on a bit of shaky ground, looking for too much from these relationships - but this is for you to figure out. You may end up losing these women as providers if they become uncomfortable with your expectations. How to process and compartmentalize these interactions has been a learning process for me too over the last 2 years - as we are all human, and "non-intimate yet very intimate" nature of this activity can mess with your head. But if you are using this activity to try to fill any hole (no pun intended!) in your life other than for fun and adventure - I think you are looking in the wrong place - and are setting yourself up for disappointment.
Best of luck to you.
Thank's for the long-winded vote of confidence, but yeah I understand she's/they most likely not gonna show up and, to that I say oh well "Lesson learned" as you put it. Though I think you're wrong in saying I expect anything from these "relationships" lol, I never expect anything from anyone anymore, be it provider, friend, co-worker, colleague, family member, or the neigbor lady, why because people are human, and to expect anything of them other than to exist is asking for too much in this day in age. I've set my expectation so low they're at the earth's core stewing in molten iron, so that when I do get disappointed it's something I can shrug off and move on, I'm apparently Type B like my late father and one phrase that always stuck with me, was " Don't hold a grudge, or be a judge, and have some fudge". I get complaints that I don't take life seriously enough to ever make something of myself and they're probably right, but I don't let it phase me because there's no use in wasting that kind of energy on people.
if you just consider my reply to be "long-winded" - I won't bother next time.
I was trying to give you a thoughtful reply one hobbyist to another - and quite frankly, I am far far less judgmental and harsh than you will find many here.
Regardless, I do wish you the best of luck.
I was trying to give you a thoughtful reply one hobbyist to another - and quite frankly, I am far far less judgmental and harsh than you will find many here.
Regardless, I do wish you the best of luck.
Oh sorry man, see I didn't mean to come off as serious that little blurb was just a bit of me trying to be sarcastic lol, my bad but I do appreciate you not making assumptions of me and my intentions like the others seem to I think it's a pretty harmless, especially when I don't even expect a reply back. Thanks for the wishes though seriously I don't expect to gain anything out of this situation save maybe her understanding about what I'm gonna be doing with my life and this would have been a totally different case if I invited her to my graduation, which is would be crossing the line in my opinion, so I figured it's not as bad lol. But who knows I might be wrong and if that's the case oh well no real harm done right?
this hobby can present us with interesting situations. I think you have the right attitude with the "no harm done" approach. I've broken a few "rules" myself here and there while doing this (by this I mean, gone contrary to what most board experts would say on an issue - sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't), but I've always been true to myself and respectful of others, and that gets you far, with the rest just being details. And although I've had a lot of fun in this hobby and have met some great ladies (and learned a lot about others and myself), at some point I do see myself quitting and focusing on pursuing a "real" relationship, as real intimacy is what I ultimately desire. Hope you find what you desire, whatever that may be.
If a lady has good clear boundaries it lessens the incidents of having to deal with a john who has pushed too far. I will gently back them off and let them know that in this business, any OTC is to be initiated by ME! I also let them know that I have a very full life and don't have a lot of "spare" time.
There really is a fine line between going too far with the GFE schtick and keeping the boundaries clear without losing business. I am in this to make money but do realize that dealing with a love sick pissed off stalker is not what I want. Can be tough and sometimes you lose one but another walks right in the door behind him
Her politely (or impolitely though I don't think that would have happened here) declining the invitation. Heck I was half-expecting her to give me the boot, and just stop all contact all together to which after good while of not hearing from her I'd get the hint and move on. It's a lot as hard as most people make it out to be. If it was I wouldn't have even started this hobby
We can only assume this "academic related event" is your high school graduation, since you seem so naive about this whole situation. If these providers want to spend free time with you, they have your number. Do you think these providers are too *shy* to invite you over to just hang out (?). Note that OTC is typically just extended time of a paid session.
I think your claim of 'testing their friendship' is bullshit. You need to understand your own motives: You want a hot girlfriend that you can bang for free. There's nothing wrong with that--you can always join match.com. Yet you want a 'friendship' (translation: free sex) from a sex worker. You still refuse to acknowledge the difficult position you're putting these young women into. Stop it. --z
that's a bit of a stretch there buddy she was the one who originally texted me once while she was in town to go and have a few beers, to which I declined because we didn't know each other that well then, and no I'm not asking her for free sex as you so put it, because that's just disrespectful to her business. I'm not don't think I'm putting her in a difficult position I still plan on seeing her and paying regardless as to what her decision is. I'm probably gonna end up moving in the near future and might not see her again, I recently saw her on the clock and she was cool about the whole thing, because I wanted to let her know in person that she didn't have to feel obligated to do anything she felt uncomfortable with. And the thing is none of her time will be spent with me if/when she gets there, I'll be too busy doing what I have to do to prepare stuff. The event is months in the future. I expected her to say "No, I'm sorry and maybe we should stop seeing each other". Would I be a little upset about it, and she wouldn't have had to explain anything, and that would have been the end of that, pick up move on with my life. It's not like I threatened to refuse business and to think that I would imply that just by asking her to come to a public event. The most her roll would be is just another face in the crowd to cheer me on or not that's it nothing more, if she does show and she wishes to interact with me there that's her choice as she will have come of her own accord. The most attention I'll probably pay to her is quick glance to acknowledge I know she's there, again assuming she comes I'm anticipating her and the other girl not to be there. I just be glad to see them I actually intend on seeing the other girl towards the end of the semester assuming she still wants to see me.
More bullshit. Everyone here knows you'd pay her a lot more attention than just a "quick glance". If you can't be honest about your motives here, then no one on this board can help you. --z
If I saw someone on a regular basis and had formed some sort of affection and trust with them i wouldn't be offended if they asked me.
Then again if you want to cover your bases you could meet somewhat I'm the middle and ask her to accompany you as your date and then leave together and have some intimate time for which she was compensated for?
I like the idea below: you go to his high school graduation, then he takes you to the Super8. He will also need a prom date, lol. You sound like a very sweet person. Unfortunately, he has no interest in a session with you. He's lonely & wants a girlfriend. For most providers, that expectation from a client can be embarrassing & potentially dangerous. --z
Then again if you want to cover your bases you could meet somewhat I'm the middle and ask her to accompany you as your date and then leave together and have some intimate time for which she was compensated for?
I wasn't talking about a date with me. He was asking for different perspectives and opinions.
I am a sweet person, I don't make an apologies for that. Some people can choose to be completely motivated by greed or a mind set for how things should be done but in my opinion anything you do that involves a lot of interaction with people should only be done by someone who genuinely enjoys interacting with people, and doesn't hold rigid protocol that constantly reminds them it's a service
It sounds like it just may not be the best time/place for something like that then.
Then again if you want to cover your bases you could meet somewhat I'm the middle and ask her to accompany you as your date and then leave together and have some intimate time for which she was compensated for?