Somehow during the Deep Heated part of the night the topic of our favorite lies came up, and I thought it might be a fun topic for the community. In the interest of kicking things off, we came up with the following ones last night:
"Of course I'll pull out!" (hers, not mine!)
"Not usually, but with you it was different"
"I've NEVER done THAT before"
"Dont worry, I've seen PLENTY of smaller ones!" (this in the same category as "Dont worry, it happens to everyone sometimes!"
and how about the
"I had to work late!"
or my favorite "No, not at all - in fact that dress looks slimming on you!" (this being right up with the classic "I doubt anyone will notice!" line!
So good to be a level of intimacy with someone when you can both be lying to each other, both know the other is lying and yet still appreciate that they are going to the effort!
Smiling Big Today (but tired from allnighter overnighting), DH
1 We're from the Government and were here to Help
2 The Check is in the Mail
3 I promise not to Cum in your Mouth
-- Modified on 5/1/2005 5:01:30 PM
In my single days 40 years ago, the third lie was I will pull it out before I cum, referring, of course, to the vagina.
I've heard these twice in the past 6 months:
"I thought we had something special between us" and "you could have been the one!"
-- Modified on 5/1/2005 8:50:00 PM
I thought you meant it! I was crushed when you failed to appear at my intervention. You of all people knew that I needed help with my obsession with you. You let me down. If it wasn't for you, I'd be fine. Fuck you!
..."oh, you're the best, I havent had that many orgasms ever!" (not that use that one, surely)
or my personal favorite... "oh come on, I have never had anything before and I just got tested" hmm....riiiiight.
Dani
"This won't hurt a bit" and "It only feels kinky the first time".
Omg, I haven't heard that in ages......Ahh, the good ole days. Thank you for bringing back a fond memory of a great guy.
xoxo
BB
...anywhere you take that story is all good!
I once had a friend out wayy too late, blowing her cover story with her husband...and fretted all the next day what she was going to tell him about our time together (so that our stories would match)... Turned out when hed asked her where shed been all night, she turned the tables on him telling him she'd locked the keys in the car and had to call security...(all while she leaned in close to him, touching and stroking him)...who had shown up with two buff college guys to help her in the empty parking garage in the middle of the night ..and she was already a little tipsy...she blew his mind with this story as she kept him on the edge of release..spinning wilder and wilder versions of that nights 'one-time' events. A few days later he pinned her with an inconsistancy in her story, and she blushed deeply, and agreed she had to tell him the true story of what had happened...that while waiting on AAA to arrive these girls had shown up to get their car from the spot next to hers...and they'd all been out partying...and she jumped in their jeep to wait and someone produced a joint...and then one of the girls kissed her...
She spun varaiants of that story on him for another couple of weeks...at the end of which he lost all track of what she'd been doing out with me...
Now that girl was creative!
-- DH
But I'm glad she got you off the hook. A generous lie.
I am a student at a midwest university...
I am a college professor at a midwest univerity...
I am a pizza delivery guy...
I am a cable guy...
You know whatever story follows will involve impossible sex acts such as single handed-DP's, with multiple coed soon to be pornstar, and an orgy including sisters/friends/toys/animals/vegatables/alien species, all unprotected, and the protagonist just happens to have a previously under-used and underappreciated 9-inch tool that has at least four cups of cum, with the best orgasms he's ever had before going flaccid, then only to be revived as he watches the hot lesbian action between a pair of twins-sisters. The entire thing usually ends with a final BBBJTCIM by two beautiful co-ed/ pornstars, after a night of unprotected anal, or some other thing that women are so inclined to do for men they've just met.
To think this is the literature that got me through college.
I thought I was lucky guy when I was offered the teaching position as a full-time student working my way through school as a cable & pizza delivery guy!
Man, those guys have ALL the luck!
And for those TRUE sexy story pervs out there, I strongly recommend reading Mamet's play "Sexual Perversity in Chicago"....it was made into the lame movie "About Last Night", but that never did the play justice.
-- DH
Lies my Escort friends have told me:
a) “If you don’t watch yourself, I have a slave girl outside the door that has a whip”
b) “The Mac & Cheese was drier than usual…but I like it anyway.” (I suspect this was a little white lie. I made it much creamier the next time.)
c) “Ouch!” (In reference to my penis size)
Lies I’ve told my Providers:
a) “No, you don’t have racoon mascara eyes, my sweet.”
b) “Oh yes, I’m sure you can eat more than me.”
c) “If you sit on my face too long I will let you know.”
The mascara lie was so you wouldn't leave my lovin' arms to fix it up.
But I turned blue on our date because I couldn't stop the DATY... I just couldn't come up for air. I apoligize. I have cUmplusive overeaters disorder.
you just made my night
I wish I could make your night properly!
I'm on the wrong side of the country.
Lies my escort friends have told me!
1) You are an expert and should make movies....
2) Your not overweight - just height challenged.
3) Wow, I really do think that ingrown pubic hairs are sexy!
Lies I have told my escort friends....
1) This is my first time... be gentle...
2) That's ok, when you bend it - it feels good....
3) I really know all the positions of the kuma sutra...
4) Magnum.... the only champagne that I drink...? lol.
"tisk, tisk, tisk", clucking and shaking their heads in dismay at shave job.