Like others here, for a number of reasons, my sex life at home has been mediocre at best for the past several years. Earlier this summer, I jumped in the hobby by seeing a few different FBSM providers. At first, it had the desired outcome - a little enjoyment/relief on the side, while still being able to maintain "happiness" at home. The 1st few "real life" sexual encounters with my wife were fine, maybe even better than before.
About a month into my hobbying, I met a provider whom I immediately felt a connection with. Since then I have seen her about every 10 days, I have been greatly enjoying our sessions. I initially had some internal struggles with Fantasy/Reality boundaries, but I was open with my provider and we talked through it. (Before people jump in with "Don't fall in love with a provider" responses, I just want to be clear - that isn't what this was. I know what we do is happening because I am paying for it, and it is confined to the 4 walls of a room.)
I recently found out that I had a rare extended evening available, and I took the opportunity to arrange a longer evening with her, to continue to play out this fantasy. I'm wasn't looking for FS, but a bit more of an extended session of the wonderful GFE she has been providing. 5 days before the proposed session, my wife initiated sex. I was really excited and into the idea, however once there in bed, I couldn't get it up. I know this happens to many men, but it has never happened to me. I have had a few different "Real Life" issues over the past few weeks that alone could keep someone from being able to focus in bed, but I think in this case my mind was overwhelmed with the desire for the "Fantasy relationship." It was all I could think about, and I couldn't maintain an erection.
Has anyone experience something similar? How were you able to keep your hobbying/fantasy world in check and still maintain your "real" sex life? I think I probably should take a break for a little but I would like to hear what others think.
Thanks in advance
At least it's always been that way for me. I don't mean to be unsympathetic at all. I just don't understand your problem. When I have sex with my wife I often think about other women especially my current ATF, and it turns me on even more. I don't understand your internal conflict. As for the E.D. issue, I've been taking a dose of the little blue pill before sex for years now. It works wonders. See your doctor and get a prescription.
I guess I am still trying to rationalize being unfaithful, and have more than a physical response with the provider. I guess I wasn't expecting that. Silly me.
-- Modified on 9/1/2014 1:26:53 AM
and what is behind it is that your ED that night is related to nervousness that if you have sex with your wife, your virility that you would like to reserve for your new paramour will be sapped somewhat.
It is a dicey problem.
I had a somewhat similar problem when I was married whereby my wife, who normally was not the least bit interested in sex, would suddenly become interested when I returned home from just having been with a provider. I think the pheromones in my body where off-gassing and affecting her. Kind of a cruel joke on the creator's part if you ask me. In any case, I fortunately had the stamina to perform with her much to my relief, thus keeping her happy and unsuspecting, for the moment at least.
How to go about solving your problem however is the question. It is not easy to just switch yourself on and off. I also have my doubts as to whether or not your intentions with this new gal are as straightforward as you would have us believe. "The man doth protest too much." to paraphrase the Bard.
You may want to consult with a professional sexual surrogate. It's a real thing. Go to The Erotic Highway Board which was at one time moderated by a real life sexual surrogate, Dr, Christine Milrod. Put in a search for sexual surrogate or similar terms and a thread with the name of the professional organization she is a member of should come up, and from there that organization should be able to help you find such a person in your area.
I am not sure what you mean by my intentions with the new gal. My intentions going into this were to find a young hotty to blow of some steam with. When I initially realized that I was having an emotional response, as well as a physical, I took pause. My rational brain knows that is a P4P fantasy, but how it leaves me feeling is reality. I did question "am I falling for this girl", and on some level yes I am. But not in a I want her in my bed/life 24/7 type of way. For me, I either need to stop, or be able to better compartmentalize. For years I have lived out fantasies in my head while with my wife (reliving old escapades, tender moments, etc.), but this is different. This is the 1st time in more than 15 years that I have ever been physically unfaithful. The little head loves it, but the big head is struggling.
So yes, pretty sure it is mental. And to be sure, I ran a self diagnosis on the system last night, and all part checked out (a few times over..)
Thank you for the suggestion - I will look into it.
not to sound like a bitch or anything and im not juding you, but maybe because you are essentially cheating on your wife is the reson for your issue, brfore my husband came clean about his indescretion he was having the same problem, it was the guilt he was feeling about what he had done, we are now BOTH in the hobby as a couple, as i was able to see past his one time mistake and work thru things, we have also invested in some viagra as a nice little plus........this is of course just MY opinion.
About a month into my hobbying, I met a provider whom I immediately felt a connection with. Since then I have seen her about every 10 days, I have been greatly enjoying our sessions. I initially had some internal struggles with Fantasy/Reality boundaries, but I was open with my provider and we talked through it. (Before people jump in with "Don't fall in love with a provider" responses, I just want to be clear - that isn't what this was. I know what we do is happening because I am paying for it, and it is confined to the 4 walls of a room.)
I recently found out that I had a rare extended evening available, and I took the opportunity to arrange a longer evening with her, to continue to play out this fantasy. I'm wasn't looking for FS, but a bit more of an extended session of the wonderful GFE she has been providing. 5 days before the proposed session, my wife initiated sex. I was really excited and into the idea, however once there in bed, I couldn't get it up. I know this happens to many men, but it has never happened to me. I have had a few different "Real Life" issues over the past few weeks that alone could keep someone from being able to focus in bed, but I think in this case my mind was overwhelmed with the desire for the "Fantasy relationship." It was all I could think about, and I couldn't maintain an erection.
Has anyone experience something similar? How were you able to keep your hobbying/fantasy world in check and still maintain your "real" sex life? I think I probably should take a break for a little but I would like to hear what others think.
Thanks in advance.