Unlike many others, my SO likes to play with me on occasion. In fact, we had a threesome on our honeymoon!
Perhaps most interesting is the fact that we are very conservative normal parents who lead very predictably typical lives (work, kids, hobbies, chores, etc.). We indulge in this hobby together about 3-4 times a year.
We also have a very clear policy on when and how we play separately, which usually happens when either of us is out of town travelling on business. Advance knowledge is preferrable but after-the-fact disclosure is the bottom line. Of course safety is at the top of the list. I do hobby a bit more than her, but this is based on quantity of opportunity more than desire.
The great part is that any adventures on the part of one os us always leads to great follow-up sessions as details of an experience are shared more fully.
No worries here - in fact, we sometimes shop for ladies for me in advance of some of my trips out of town. It's pretty sexy when your wife helps you pick a date! She loves reading reviews at TER with me!
Two times now, I've been a bit player in a mini-drama, the conclusion of which I never discovered, but I knew better than to try and find out...
It starts with a phone call to my cell phone--true, I didn't recognize the phone number, but I have friends and family that call from different phones, so I didn't think anything of answering. Perhaps I need to re-think that habit.
Anyway, I answer, and a woman's voice says: "Hello. Do you know John Doe? Because I'm his wife and I found your phone number... " This last time, she saw it on an email he had left up on his computer screen. The first time, two years ago, it was on a piece of paper he had left in his coat pocket.
OK, so this seems like a no-brainer, but for pete's sake, gentlemen, password-protect all of your electronic communication devices--AND double check your pockets for incriminating evidence.
(By the way, I was able to claim ignorance on both occasions, wrong number, wrong person, etc. I had only met one of the men once, and this last one I had never met him (nor will I now!) ...)
Ladies, has this ever happened to you? If so, how did it turn out? I'd be interested to know...
Oh, and let's be careful out there...
I posted about it on the Boston Board. This lady found out though the cell phone bill. Called me and I said maybe it was about the car I sold last month. But guys please be careful!!!!
That is why I stick to a pre-pay cell phone. I also make sure that I clear the call history before returning home.
I'm single but I still have one of those Virgin (I know I know...its just to funny) Pay as you go phones. Pick up some minutes at Best Buy or simply over the net and off I go. My ATF also uses those phones for business and I don't know why anybody would call from home or from their standard cellphones. I'm single but still paranoid 
I have had a few phone calls & messages from angry wives who have found my website and phone number in their husbands wallet! You need to talk to him not me! One wife said I found your number on my husbands cell phone and I said, " excuse me, this is my husbands cell phone and what are YOU doing call my husband!!" She got all flustered and hung up! LOL!
I tell them that I'm an answering service, and that I answer for over fifty different health care and business professionals. I then say I need to know the name of the person they're trying to reach. I've used this a few times, and it's always worked well for me.
When in doubt, I do everything humanly possible to try to deflect trouble from the client. I also, if at all possible, try to reach him to give him a heads up that he needs to cover his tracks, and to expect storm clouds on the home front!
It's one reason why I've never made business cards for myself - why offer up one more piece of evidence that might help a guy get himself entrapped?
Morgan
"One wife said I found your number on my husbands cell phone and I said, ' excuse me, this is my husbands cell phone and what are YOU doing call my husband!!'"
*chuckle* Quick thinking and a great riposte!
--b.
I always tell people I sell jewelry at a booth in the mall or on ebay and even bought a website that says the "store is temp closed"
women love jewelry
repeatable habits. I write new phone numbers on post its and keep them in my hip pocket. As I am about to enter the new provider's place, I dispose of the number. If I have to look it up again, no biggie--better than scraps of paper left in my suit, the car, etc. Nothing stored on my hard drive or any other electronic device other than a few unsold screenplays. Only possible weak link is the mobile phone and I do not, repeat, do not leave that lying around.
For the SUPER PARANOID people out there, get a gym membership so you can explain the 'just showered at the gym' excuse.
Also use cash when refilling a prepaid phone, using the Internet to refill a phone, does leave a crumb with a CC or any other form of internet payment. Phone bills DO come with a COMPLETE LIST OF CALLED NUMBERS if not, it is just a few clicks of a button online and it will show.
Get a PDA and just 're-flash' the thing when you leave the ladie's place. Bring an extra change of clothes AND your own brand of soaps / shampoos. DO you want to come home smelling like a Honey suckle? You get the idea.
Setup a separate bank account and have the statements available ONLINE ONLY!
Since the vast majority of the guys out there no doubt use Windows, upgrade to XP Professional or 2000 Professional and use the encrypting technology to encrypt your data. Or name it some 'normal' name. For e-mails, I would suggest using a Free e-mail service, ie yahoo, hotmail, gmail, or other. Make sure you empty your trashcan everytime you log off or shutdown, Undelete DOES work!
AND OR GET A Laptop for 'work' purposes only! Make sure you password enabled your Laptop if you go this route.
Working alot of overtime, would arouse suspicion if the paycheck is the always the same amount!
FYI, it has never happened to me before because I am single at this point. Any ladies interested? LOL
Keri, good refelx in turning the table around on the SO!
-- Modified on 4/17/2005 11:55:52 PM
Does it work both ways? Does a man have the right to go through the wife's personal effects and ask questions: her purse, wallet, mail, computer, pockets, private papers, cell phone records, etc.? If not, it seems he should be able to scold her and make her defensive for snooping through his private things, and ask how would she like his going through her things, rather than becoming defensive himself. It seems that in a partnership, each still has a right to privacy in certain areas.
Well like the original post, the SO found clues which pointed her to be more of a snoop. That's why guys, leave no trails!
Nope sorry it doesn't work both ways 
Women feel perfectly justified in not trusting their husbands, I can only think they are trained from birth not to trust us and the fact that this board exists convinces me they are right about us.
Can't wait to see if this creates a sh*t storm. Here's what I don't get, I wasn't an angel when she met me or decided to marry me. I made it very clear to her that I would get married and be a husband, father whatever she needed to complete the family photo album she dreamed of having as a little girl.
But by no way did I ever say I was going to throw my life away to provide her with her dreams. She had dreams which I fulfilled for her I have dreams which I fulfill for myself it's what I like to call the win-win scenario.
As long as there is nothing blatant, lipstick on colar, showing up at family functions with a date etc. what I do is my business. Look in my wallet, check my computer look at my phone bill and you can take that photo album with you when you leave. Too many men think getting married has to be this life/world changing experience and they can't ever be their prior self again. Why live if your life is just going to be one big ruse?
And to answer all those who say "what if she acted the same way". She wasn't that kind of girl when I met her so if she did I would have a problem with it. A BIG problem. A hypocrit? Perhaps, but this was one of those good girl liking the bad boy type relationships. I would not have married a "bad-girl".
That's my $.02
Stop to consider for a moment what that relationship must be like, and it becomes so clear why the guy seeks a pay-for-play relationship. Just dont get drawn into the dynamic of their relationship.
A great response to the SO would be "Really? And why are you calling ME?" followed by "I'm sorry, but you must have the wrong number" or "you must have me confused with someone else". Leave the chaos where it belongs - outside of your relationship with your client.
I cant imagine my doctor or lawyer entertaining a prying call from my SO - one of the key things I pay for is the privacy of the relationship. And please please believe me when I say that if he hadn't wanted her to find the number, she never would have - pity instead the tragic dynamics of the dysfunctional relationship, but it makes the world go around.
Peace Out, DH
-- Modified on 4/18/2005 7:55:24 AM
as its not waved in their face or something happens to embarass them. My s.o. occassionally quips when turning me down for sex..."I'm too tired, you need to find a nice hooker to take care of your excess needs" (and I have, but very discreetly, and like the poster above, I think as long as she gets the benefits she wants like sex 4x per year, family, nice home, vacations lifestyle, and nothing happens to embarass her..she doesn't care."
and we've got an obligation to our partners not to screw up.
Thanx Rent-a, NOSC, and Keri for your professionalism.
And let me add: WindoWasher to zap electronic scraps AND empty the trash; a business account (comm'on guys, you can figure one out) that generates discretionary funds for which you're not accountable to Wifey; and a PDA, which can store that "black book" in a passworded fmt that's more secure that your hard drive-- just dont' sync it to your box.
And it goes beyond the simple tell-tales to include STDs, the clue that keeps on giving.
While I grant that my home relationship is unique, there have been times that coming home and crawling into bed late covered with the sweet scent of another woman has been exactly what was needed to generate fantastic fireworks! [play with fire and you might get burned, but sure does heat up the bedroom!] And besides, the make-up sex is always sweeter...but then I'll also conceed that I'm insane.
For those interested I dont mind sharing a funny story about two women I was seeing who were competing with each other over my body - each determined to either ensure I had nothing left for the other or that the other 'found out' about experiences they could never top. After 3 weeks I was black and blue all over and exhausted...while I can look back on it and laugh now, at the time it was like juggling cats...
-- DH
Keep names? Make Sherri, Sherman; Nicole, Nick.
Keep numbers? Make up a code. For example, always reverse the first three numbers.
You can't protect yourself 100%, but you can improve your chances.
Great advice to go along with pre-paid phone with top-ups paid in cash. Keep the phone at work in a desk or file drawer with any other supplies and you should be able to play safe.
Unlike many others, my SO likes to play with me on occasion. In fact, we had a threesome on our honeymoon!
Perhaps most interesting is the fact that we are very conservative normal parents who lead very predictably typical lives (work, kids, hobbies, chores, etc.). We indulge in this hobby together about 3-4 times a year.
We also have a very clear policy on when and how we play separately, which usually happens when either of us is out of town travelling on business. Advance knowledge is preferrable but after-the-fact disclosure is the bottom line. Of course safety is at the top of the list. I do hobby a bit more than her, but this is based on quantity of opportunity more than desire.
The great part is that any adventures on the part of one os us always leads to great follow-up sessions as details of an experience are shared more fully.
No worries here - in fact, we sometimes shop for ladies for me in advance of some of my trips out of town. It's pretty sexy when your wife helps you pick a date! She loves reading reviews at TER with me!