...and put them on an island somewhwere. Without having sex on their minds all the time like the rest of do, think of all the "constructive" thinking they'd be able to do. Like as not they'd build a great, utopian society in short order, and then we left-behind sex-addicts could leech-off the excess of their accomplishments.
How would you describe your sex drive (or your genders in general) to the other gender? How would you describe the other genders sex-drive? I've studied and written about human sexuality for 12 years and this has been the most difficult area.
One famous quote decribing male sex-drive to women is: "Take the horniest you've ever been, the horniest 10 seconds of your life - thats what we're like 24 hours per day."
An interesting aspect of the SWOP survey is the question on whether someone can enjoy sex with someone they are not in love with. 94% of males agreed with 71% strongly agreeing. Interestingly more females (98%) agreed, however they were more evenly divided among mild agree, agree, and strong agree with the vast majority of the strong agrees bi-sexual. This same question in the general population produces similar results for males, but females in the general pop indicate less than 50% agreeing. Also, providers in the survey consistently rated male sex drives (very strong) as much stronger than their own (strong) and females in general (Mild or weak).
So, how would you describe your or the other genders sex drive?
-- Modified on 3/12/2005 8:14:39 AM
that women cannot enjoy sex with someone who they are not in love with is not true, while women in the general population still buy into that false belief.
I don't agree that men are horny 24 hours a day, although it is true that they generally can become aroused more quickly, if that is what you mean.
I think that sex is often a very pleasant way to release the build-up of sexual energy, and that this is true for both genders. Sex at its best is an amazing, wonderful thing.
-- Modified on 3/12/2005 8:25:50 AM
Much like the question of "who enjoys sex more, a man or a woman?",
the question of comparing sex drive seems like it can't truly be answered.
The only way anyone could accurately answer the question would be if they had experienced both, the sex drive of a man and the sex drive of a woman personally, and even in the cases of gender reassignment, the effects of hormonal levels during gestation, growth, puberty, etc. have already happened, so that can't be a complete comparison.
Now, when I was a teenager, people used to joke with me that I was worse than any guy, for being able to, and constantly, turning everything I saw, heard, thought or encountered into something sexual, and jokes about, the sun being up, the wind blowing or even me being awake meant I was horny. Now, did that make me odd, or apart from the norm? or was it that I was rather average in that, but simply more willing to admit it than most females were at the time?
Oddly enough even though this was the case during my teen years, I never actually masturbated to orgasm, until I was 20 (perhaps that is why I was so worked up the entire time I was a teenager) and instructed to do so by a therapist (she said I needed to see myself as a sexual being...big help that was, all it accomplished was making me want something it seems I can never have...an actual sexual encounter with another person).
Since then though, for the last 14 years, I have done so almost everyday, at least once a day, as much as 7 or 8 times a day and average 3 to 4 times a day.
Does that indicate a high sex drive? too much free time? a serious need to find something else to do with my hands? that there is too much pr0n freely available online?
Is there anyway for me to accurately compare that to the sex drive of other women, or to compare it to the sex drive of men or even one man? I tend to think not. I can't experience what anyone else feels, so I can't honestly know, maybe my sex drive is average....hell, maybe it's low compared to that of another, I can't know that, and no one can tell me that, because they can no more know what I feel than I them.
As for the question of being able to enjoy sex with someone you are not in love with, physical sensations are physical sensations.
I figure it's probably kind of like a good meal, if I have to go to restraunt and pay for that meal it will still be good, if someone makes me that meal because they love me it might be better, even if the meal from the professional chef tasted better. It's the differnce between purely physical enjoyment and physical enjoyment coupled with emotional enjoyment. I may enjoy the one with emotional context better, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the one that is purely physical.
It's hard to see how you can fault your therapist for suggesting something that you have chosen to continue to do daily for 14 years.
For most people, it is indeed a good thing to see ourselves as sexual beings.
I fault no one, but myself, for anything, ever.
I am sorry if I were unclear in such a way that any fault was implied.
I also agree it is a good thing for most people to see themselves as sexual beings...I unfortunately have been consistenly unable to see myself as such as it seems more of a self-image/self-worth issue than one of being capable of a physical response.
not familiar with the SWOP survey, I would like to share my personal opinion on it's findings and my own feelings in regard to sex drives among individuals.
First off, obviously, libido does vary among individuals. I personally have been obsessed with sex since my earliest recollection. I believe I am a prime candidate for sexaholics anonymous. My libido is in overdrive 24/7 and I don't think I could go ten minutes without thinking about sex if my life depended upon it. Remaining single by choice, I have spent my whole life, (58 years) trying to position myself in an atmosphere where I am constantly surrounded by woman. Hence my decision to work in the service industry, (bars, restaurants and hotels) for 25 years. I worked at the Playboy Club/Hotel in Great Gorge New Jersey for two years in the early seventies. The greatest two years of my life, I might add! I think that was my downfall from pursuing the accepted social norm of marriage, children, etc. It was the era before Aids and Herpies, and everyone was into sport-fucking and "Free Love." I retired from that profession 10 years ago, but it did not diminish my lust. If anything I am hornier than ever! I never kept close track of my sexual liaisons over the years, but I know it's well over 100 ranging in duration from one night stands to nine years, excluding providers. I have only been hobbying for around a year.
Regarding the SWOP survey which found that found 94% of the males, and 71% of the females could have sex with someone they were not in love with, I am not surprized. What I do find interesting, is the fact that among the woman, the one ones who strongly agreed, were bi-sexual. I am 99% certain, (in retrospect) that my affair of nine years, was with a bi-sexual woman. Although I have no tangible proof of that, all the indications an innuendo were obvious had I not chose to ignore them. My loss, I love threesomes. Lol.
The survey further points out, that when the question is posed to the general population, less that 50% of the woman agreed they could have sex without an emotional attachment. This supports my theory that at least half the females, deem sex as a means to an end, ie; marriage, family, security, emotional well-being, etc. This is not to say that those woman don't possess varying degrees of libido, only that for some, once the aforementioned goals are reached, sex becomes relatively unimportant in their life. IMHO that's why you married guys should thank god every day for providers.
In closing, I wasted a lot of time on dating sites up till last year, trying to find a woman who had the same insatiable sexual appetite as my last SO. I regret it! I could have been hobbying during that period. While I did have some hook-ups, and got laid from time to time, the quality and quantity was never there, and it seems they all had agendas. While I still masturbate at least once a day, I am much happier now. Watch out Jill, you're next! LOL.
I'm 39 years old and I'm the direct opposite of you. I used to be just like you up until about 2 years ago when a reaction to a drug caused my to totally lose my interest in sex. I used to have sexual dreams about 6 nights a week, now I might have one a month.
Just like you I used to spend just about every waking moment thinking about sex or waiting in anticipation until I could get home to masturbate. Not anymore. I almost never think about sex anymore. If I do it's no more than a fraction of a second.
So yes you are correct in saying that libido varies from individual to individual. Also let me say that I am very envyous of you...LOL
me the other side of the coin! Sometimes I have misgivings about my sex drive. You're post re-inforced my hope that it is something I should count as a blessing. You have my deepest sympathy in regard to your adverse drug reaction and how it affected your libido. I hope that the situation will improve, or that perhaps medication will become available to alleviate it. Thanks for sharing with me!
I appreciate that. You should consider yourself extremely lucky and blessed to have a high sex drive. When I lost my sex drive at 37 it was a huge shock to me. I couldn't believe that I could go from insatiable and couldn't get enough to not wanting sex at all in the blink of an eye.
I think the common perception is that it is women that lose their sex drives and there is no way that it can happen to men. Well it can. I know a lot of the married guys complain that their wives no longer care for sex anymore. The treatment is slanted towards helping women regain their sexual desire and as of right now the men are kind of left out in the dark. Doctors really don't want to help or they are not properly trained to help. You get a lot of "oh it's just in your head" statements. Maybe one of these days we will get some help too.
-- Modified on 3/13/2005 3:11:38 PM
Most studies and financial resourses in sexuality are aimed at improving the male physiological performance. (Viagra, Cialis, et.al.)
Especially in regards to sexuality, women are pretty much just referred to mental therapy and/or given simple stimulants to apply to the vaginal region.
Maybe one of these days BOTH sexes will get some help above and beyond what is available.
My best wishes to you for reclaiming your sexual identity and fulfillment.
xoxo,
Sola
As in grammar where your have masculine, feminine, and neuter, in sex/relationships you also have three:
Men, women, and wives.
A man might be able to explain their sex drive a woman, and vice versa, but no one can explain it to a wife. It'd be like explaining "color" to someone who's been blind their entire life.
Should be
Men, women, and spouses.
It works both ways. Believe me, brother.
...and put them on an island somewhwere. Without having sex on their minds all the time like the rest of do, think of all the "constructive" thinking they'd be able to do. Like as not they'd build a great, utopian society in short order, and then we left-behind sex-addicts could leech-off the excess of their accomplishments.
evil twin! Once again you are thinking like the arch-villian genius- Dad would have been proud of,(whoever the hell he was!) Lol. While we're at it, let's throw in all the gold digging bitches who really love sex, but eschew it with those who don't have seven figure incomes. We'll pair them up with horny misogynists!
Then, we'll produce a "Reality Show" for FOX. We'll make millions by allowing the masses to watch the asexual people pull their hair out witnessing the wanton fornication in their midst, performed by couples who actually hate each other! The show could morph over to daytime soaps. We could call it " The Stung And The Sexless!", or maybe "General Hostile!" How bout "One Wife To Give?" The possibilities are endless! All that money within our grasp? We could book all our ATF's for weeks at a time! What do you think. Wanna take a shot? We'll knock "American Idol" right off primetime. Get back to me. With my unlimited finances, I can start getting things set up fast!
That's just the kind of attitude we appreciate. Just because we have lost our sex drive for one reason or another, we should be excluded from the rest of society.
I appreciated your posts and I'm glad you appreciated mine. I don't understand who your latest post was directed at? I read the thread twice, and can see anything negative to any of your posts? Did I miss something?
It was referring to Lex's post about putting people that don't care about sex on a deserted island. I know he was probably kidding but still it was a little insensitive.
-- Modified on 3/13/2005 3:47:59 PM
...it doesn't start with "L"...
...and "Linsensitive" just doesn't sound right.
Lex Linsensitive Luethor
OK, mabye it does sound good.
As long as I don't have to become a LaLambler in sympathy. It's not that I mind, I just don't want to move.
Oh! Well me and Lex think pretty much alike, and banter back and forth on occasion.Most of my stuff is "Tongue In Cheek." so I apologize if you thought I was being flippant. I can't speak for Lex, who is inherently evil! I wish I could tell you that he doesn't get if from my side of the family, but alas, that hasn't been resolved yet. We both have a somewhat dark and droll sense of humor. Peace!
I didn't have a problem at all with anything you said. It was refreshing to hear someone describe themselves as I used to be.
Oh! Well me and Lex think pretty much alike, and banter back and forth on occasion.Most of my stuff is "Tongue In Cheek." so I apologize if you thought I was being flippant. I can't speak for Lex, who is inherently evil! I wish I could tell you that he doesn't get if from my side of the family, but alas, that hasn't been resolved yet. We both have a somewhat dark and droll sense of humor. Peace!
that I work with, it seems that we all agree that the firt thing we aasess when a woman walks into the room is whether or not we'd fuck her if we could. The "fuck factor" you might say. When we told the women about this constant state of sexual thought, they were in shock. SHit I even have to fight ot off in church when a hot one walks down the aisle. I must be going to HEll. But acting on the thoughts are very different than just having them. ANd your'e right Lex, the longer you're married, the more thoughts you have! Both of our wives probably got the wrinkles arouund their eyes from saying "You want me to suck what?"
Only 94% of men? I guess if you believe that 10% of men are gay, that would mean that 104% of straight men agree with that statement.
No wait! The study was not gender specific. My question is, Who are those 6% of liars in that SWOP survey? My guess, I bet you they were men answering the question with their SO in attendance.