I do believe that I take an individualistic approach to my work, though I can name many individuals and organizations which have significantly influenced me and my ways.
Feel free to ask me anything anytime... though PM may be best so we don't bore the board to tears LOL!
xoxo,
Sola
I've been blessed over my time as an SP to acquire some gentlemen who were interested in seeing me multiple times. Sometimes, it's an occasional thing - no schedule, with perhaps months in between calls.
Other times, though, we've met on a fairly regular basis. Once a week, perhaps, or at least once a month. You become up to date on each other's lives, chat, spend some extra time before or afterwards catching up.
And then, suddenly..*poof*
You never see him again.
Am I the only one who ever catches myself thinking 'what ever happened to..?'
I don't mean this in a Stalker-I-Love-Him way, either. Neither is it about the money. It's about wondering what happened, and where he went.
Did you do something wrong? Upset him? Disappointment him, in terms of service? Was he bored with you? Is he sick? Moved? Wife found out?
I just sometimes wonder, and even worry. I'm not the type to drop someone an email unnanounced asking them, either. I'd feel pushy, or afraid of coming across as desperate. It isn't about that - it really is just about wondering where that person went...
Do any of the other ladies ever feel this way?
Morgan
How can you not? Some of these gents are honestly friends. Especially those who have been in some sort of crisis or fighting health issues... it would be nice to get a quick note saying how the world is now and then.
Aside from that if I did (or didn't do!) something which caused a friend to wander off it is only good business to know why your clients leave.
Friends and clients are not the same.... A friend would presumably not disappear without a word (even a well-mannered client would not).... But a client is not a friend, as I said.... I may get hell for this, but the two are never the same... MA
At least, not as much as you think.
Friendships develop due to the intimate nature of our business.
Friends DO disappear without a word... I've a list of no less than a dozen *personal* friends who have vanished. I always keep my eye out for mention or sitings of them and have even tried "person finder" services with no luck. It happens.
Yes, Its a biz...and I do respect that...but as you said, by nature of the biz, a relationship does come about.
Called my provider friend last night just to chat. Feeling low, and going through some ruff times right now. Wanting nothing more then to just chat and hear a voice that is a tab bit higher, and much more sexy...we talked for a bit...and boom...over she comes tomorrow for dinner and..............I do love that ...................
She is doing a job...but she is also my guest...in my home, and welcome as long as she wants to stay. A skilled provider, and great to talk to...and hottttttttttt......she is a real find.....and right now...I have no idea what I would do without her.....hope I never have to find out.....
Oz
It continues to amaze me how easily people are willing to offer a personal perspective as if it were gospel.I have at least 3 providers I have met in the last 3 years who I absolutely consider as true friends.If we were to meet in a social setting we would talk and share a drink.You may approach this issue differently but rest assured," different strokes for different folks".
but in my personal opinion, they cannot...they are clients.... the provider may have feeling for the that are the same as for some friends -- and vice versa -- but those friends are not also clients (and vice versa).... i do not doubt your sincerity, but i do disagree with your assessment.... this is not "raining on your parade" or "offer[ing] a personal perspective as gospel" -- in fact, i offer only my opinion (which, of course, i must have some faith in, or i would not adhere to it) and i keep in mind the possibility that i am wrong.... however, from experience in business and the 'hobby," i just think east is east and west is west and never the twain shall meet.... MA
...but be careful not to draw the line too rigidly...
...because no matter how beautiful the lady is, I'm not going to pay $300/hour to help her move.
me of the old joke about the guy who is approached by a streetwalker:
She says, "For a hundred and fifty bucks, I'll do anything you want."
He says, "Kewl! Get in the car."
As he turns in Home Depot, she says, "Where the hell are you taking me?"
He says, "To the home improvement department, You're gonna paint my fuckin house!"
Now I will try to get relieve from my friendly provider.
to have kept in contact with many of the gentlemen I met thru the business long after my retirement. I did however wonder for a long time about someone special who, that even after retirement, we would have dinner and drinks and just play catch up. One day he quit e-mailing and calling.
Because I had done some web work for him, outside of the industry, I sent an e-mail under the guise and very professional, asking for feedback on the site and if there was anything further I could do for him and his company. The e-mail I recieved was shocking.I was informed by the gentleman who took over his accounts that not long after our last dinner he had a massive coronary. He apparently lingered in a coma for some time before he passed away. The grief was intense. We met thru the hobby but retained a friendship long after that part was over.
I do wonder what happened to many. I keep one of my old business e-mail accounts open just on that chance one wants to drop a note and say hi. Many have.
For many of us it was about the money, but the perks were the friendships born of a business relationship. It is the one way fantasy and reality can and do blend.
xoxox
V
Thank's Celticlassyour clients must have been greatfull. Sorry about your friend.
I've had that happen a couple times,
oddly just as soon as I am wondering they tend to make an appointments, its really weird, I can name 3 guys (but I won't that I am always like "its been 2 months, where is he? i miss him, lol"
not in a love kinda way, but in a "that guy is the reason i love my job" kinda way
anyhoo
~vicki
Did you check to see if they were hiding between your boobs?
I'm not sure this is going to come out clearly because I'm rather jumbled at the moment, but I'll give it a shot anyway.
The first thing I'll note is how frequently providers feel the need to clarify the point that the man they're thinking about is not being thought of in a romantic manner, but just because they're great guys..
I sometimes wonder at what point that can be taken as a given.
But then, as one who has been obsessed with human nature since my first memory, I suppose those are the kinds of questions I ask but don't really seem relevant..
Umm... the linguistic observation.
I have brought up the same issue that MA is broaching before, only in different terms: I asked about providers and friendship, and each and every person who answered misunderstood my question. I wasn't asking if providers have friends - obviously they do.
I was asking if providers can become friends with clients.
That then requires me to define the word 'friend', because I don't mean someone you think is 'cool' - I mean someone you will sit down and have drinks with, and the thought of clock-time never occurs. Not that it is off-the-clock time - it is simply that the meeting has absolutely nothing to do with business. I'm hoping you understand the shade of meaning.
This, then, touches on the issue that MA brought up - can a client and a friend ever be the same thing. In one sense, I think yes - in another, no, and the difference is one of practice. In theory, the answer is yes - of course a client can be a friend. It's very easy for people to make a connection in this business, one besides intimacy or passion, but true soul-connection. Someone you identify with, someone you like and care for and feel comfortable with, and yes, even someone to whom you might say "Hey let's meet for lunch on Tuesday."
In practice, I am not sure I believe that the nature of the first meeting will ever allow a friendship to exist, simply because the process of stepping from one place (client) to the other (friend) doesn't seem to be possible, so long as the 'client' status remains, if only periodically.
This isn't to say I DON'T believe it; I am open to the possibility; I am simply skeptical of it, in the same sense that MA is.
becoming friends with your lawyer, attorney, web designer or any other professional?
It happens. Sometimes the drinks are on the clock. Sometimes they are not. Some friendships only have time space in the pro realm, such as the co-workers at the constructions co. I worked for... yes, I made actual friends, though unless it was a company night out or other special occassion we did not meet up off the clock. Now that I am not a supervisor there, we do meet up for drinks aside from the office socials. Does this mean that we are NOW friends but were not in the past?!?
There are many different levels of friendship and many different ways of expressing these relationships. Whether or not one is activly finacially supporting or hiring another should not make a difference in whether the relationship is considered a friendship or not. It is the actions and words between two that really count.
This is really interesting, Sola. But, as you point out, while it's true that there are different levels of friendship for everyone in all circumstances, isn't there something intrinsically different about an escort's job which distinguishes it from any other? Isn't it precisely because escorts are paid for their time, ie their companionship, like no one else? And isn't it this, combined with the rendering of the fantasy of intimacy and friendship that causes the blurring of boundaries?
With another sort of "civilian" job, I anticipate it's easier to control the dynamics of a potential friendship "off the clock" because one's business isn't intimacy, and personal boundaries haven't already been encroached upon.
You said, "It is the actions and words between the two that really count.". But if those actions and words come from a fantastical situation, isn't that the very reason for the difficulty some have in distinguishing the two?
Aphra
Aphra,
I don't feel my job is so different from any other.
Anywhere I have ever worked (other than contract/project assignments) I was paid for my time. I am currently paid for my time. In that end there is no difference.
I understand some women work in fantasy, I don't unless requested. My actions and words do not come from a fantastical situation. I offer my "clients" (whom I refer to as friends incidently) time with someone who can open herself to anyone, my essence. My essence is a loving presence, I am by nature a giver and a pleaser. Personal boundaries are not "already encroached upon". While I work on a Spirit level I never imply emotional bonds and actively cast protections against attachments. (Yes, I am a bit of a witch.)
That said I do agree that when someone's actions and words come from a fantastical situation it makes it more difficult to distinguish reality. When a lady does not protect herself and her friends there is the potential for trouble and heartache. Even worse is when the lady does not even understand the dynamic and is unable to managage (or even see) boundaries.
It was easier to control the dynamics of a potential friendship when I was a base-level employee than when I was a manager, this is a whole new level - that does not mean it cannot be done. It surely takes more vigilance and awareness.
xoxo,
Sola
Thanks a lot for your detailed response, Sola. You sound as if you have a very particular, individualistic way of looking at your work, and it's a fascinating approach.
I could ask you more questions but I won't. Enjoy reading your posts, btw.
Aphra
I do believe that I take an individualistic approach to my work, though I can name many individuals and organizations which have significantly influenced me and my ways.
Feel free to ask me anything anytime... though PM may be best so we don't bore the board to tears LOL!
xoxo,
Sola
The poorhouse.
Seriously, when some guys are short on cash, they don't call their regulars, because they can't afford to see them, and they don't want to tell those girls that's the reason, because they don't want to seem like they are fishing for a discount.
Personally, I have a pretty good relationship with my ATF's and have no problem telling them that the reason I haven't scheduled with them lately is because I am short on cash. We are friendly enough that I don't think they will think I am fishing for a discount, and if they do, and offer one, then I am not too proud to accept it.
I actually had one IM me the other day to tell me how horny she was. I almost offered her a discount.
This subject has been brought up on the National and Los Angeles Discussion Boards and probably on other boards before and the concensus from the ladies as I recall was that they did not care why the client had stopped seeing them. In some cases the ladies expressed a desire to know that nothing bad had happened to the client.
times of seeing you, you've "taken him for granted."
Let's take the following hypothetical for instance:
Let's say he's been seeing you once or twice a month consistently for the past 8 months.Though he also sees other providers, you get a sense that you're really his ATF and that you can really count on him to be your regular.However, though you appreciate him for his business, you've found that the time with him has gradually become a bore.
But he thinks that you're a great provider and has recommended a friend of his whom you've never seen to see you. One day, he called you to make a next day evening appointment. Unbeknownst to you and him, this friend of his called you to ask for the appointment for the same time that he's reserved with you. You don't know this person that called is his friend but think perhaps he's new and exciting. His friend told you that he didn't have flexibility in his schedule and absolutely must see you at that time. Between the regular and the new, you'd rather meet the new and was afraid that if you didn't meet him that time, he might not call back again. So you called him (the regular) and apologized that "something has just come up" and asked him to see you the next day; he's disappointed but graciously agreed to delay seeing you for a day.
The next time his friend saw him, he thanked him for having recommended you to him. So he (the regular) learned from his friend that you chose to see his friend and bumped him that day.
He saw no reason in asking you why you've done that and vowed never to be your client (perhaps "friend") again. So you never heard from him again.
-- Modified on 3/12/2005 7:30:09 AM
There can be a variety of reasons why he has dissappeared. Don't be shy of dropping him a line or calling him casually to find out how he is doing. It could magically return him back to seeing you as this is what GFE is about.
I am on the other end and have been seeing my ATF monthly for a year and abruptly, I have stopped seeing her since November. First I had a bad flu during the holidas. Then I felt I had become too attached to her and decided to see others. Now that I am getting it over and plan to call her soon. If she called me in between, I don't think I could resist not seeing her right away.
If he's really your pal, reach out and say hello. No guilt - just a happy inquiry. He'll reply. Often times, "boys" in the club seek difference and variety but most of all, an experience that lends itself to anonymity. Once they've seen an intimate side of you, they've conquered and are ready to move on to the next curious creature.
I have often wondered where the lady herself went when she vanishes from the scene. Occassionally you find out from a mutual contact that she got married, moved to a new city, changed careers. Still I wonder when there is no trace and hope that she is well.
Maybe health and life interferred.
I do see end of life friends...
when they don't contact me for some time I *worry*!
Encouraging honest and open communication will clear the air whether there is a disappointment or "other".
If a lady knows a gentleman well enough, it may be appropriate to send a discreet "How are you?"... though I don't personally. Policy.
Morgan, you are not in my city, but you look classy and you deserve a decent answer. In my profession, work groups are formed, people get close - hell, I've even started a company with 6 other individuals and we actually put cosmetic products on the market. but things went south! for some good reasons, and years later I was talking with one of my former partners, and I asked him "whatever became of ___? She never responds to my communications!?" His response was, "aside from the business we were in, you would never have been associated with this person and to expect a continuation of your relationship would be unrealistic." the person we were speaking of runs a very high end beauty salon and skin treatment clinic in Beverly Hills CA. Her clientel is "to die for." Oh, the person who said this is a highly regarded well-to-do plastic surgeon - somewhere in CA.! So, these things occur, why? they just do. It would be nice if everyone would reciprocate the friendship to the same extent that we each feel the relation. Just my ramblings - in and out of the "hobby??"