A horny old bastard named Fred
Fucked a corpse that was seven days dead.
"It's gross, but I find
It puts me in mind
Of my ex-wife's performance," he said.
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There once was a provider by the name of sue
Took the day off but was horny did not know what to do
If she was a man her balls would be big & blue
But because she's a chick,
She went shopping for Jimmy Choo's (shoes)
There once was a hoe from Nantucket
For $$ bucks you could fuck it
Whether standing or sitting down
You never left with a frown
Her motto was "I'll f&@^k anybody in town"
disclaimer; not meant to be mean or rude by referring to charater in limerick as ho or it
Based in Limerick, does this count?
A one-eyed provider named Tink
Said, "I keep knocking over my drink
When I see a cute guy,
And he gives me the eye,
And I answer him back with a wink."
who had a brilliant retirement plan;
She put no money away
nor saved it in an IRA,
she said, "I'll just f*ck as long as I can."
Alice would fuck, blow and ream
Till her orifices filled with cream.
She said, "Small groups are fine,
But I once drew the line
At the USC basletball team!"
But I had a feeling something was smelly.
So as I headed for the door,
I said, "You ain't no whore"
Turns out that Ellie was really LE.
She loves to get into my pants.
Her pussy's pretty wide
'cause when I put it inside
It feels like the Chunnel to France.
whose pussy was described as "hairy."
I said: "If you shave
You'd be my all-time fave"
She replied: "I'm a woman, not a girl, you fairy!"
A red-haired provider named Marge
Sucked a dick quite enormously large;
Marge worked on the boner
So long that its owner
Incurred a new hourly charge.
Father Murphy showed Sister Marie
His penis one day during tea.
He said, "What d'ye think?"
The good nun turned pink.
"Nice size, for a white one," said she.
The cunt of a whore named Le Hand
Was stretched wdie as the span of a hand.
"It's too losse, but," she said,
"When I stand on my head,
I can be my own umbrella stand."
There once was a bald man named Lex,
Who spent day and night thinking of sex,
Then he met a provider,
and paid cash to ride her
and would have done it again if she took checks.
OK, so poetry isn't my forté...
A horny old bastard named Fred
Fucked a corpse that was seven days dead.
"It's gross, but I find
It puts me in mind
Of my ex-wife's performance," he said.
A virgin one day, for a stunt,
Hung a "NO ENTRY" sign on her cunt.
Yet the boys weren't deterred
For they'd all heard the word
That she'd suck you as long as you'd want.
who fell asleep in a canoe.
He dreamt of Miss Venus
and tickled his penis,
and out came a handful of GOO!
Sorry you've missed my cut off.
I think it's one of my favs!
A naughty young boy asked his sis
To bend over and give it a kiss.
Her eyes opened wide.
"How nasty!" she cried.
"But I'll let you look on while I piss."
A hooker expressed consternation
At the sperm count per ejaculation.
She said, "If that's true,
I've consumed so much goo
That I've swallowed a whole generation!"
A UPS driver named Jack
Spied a redhead with quite a nice rack.
"Here's a package," he said,
"For that pussy so red."
But she told him, "Deliveries in back."
There once was a man from Old Mass,
Whose balls were made out of brass.
When they clanged together
They played Billie Holiday's "Stormy Weather,"
--------------------------------------------------------
Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together,
keeps rainin' all the time
Life is bare, gloom and mis'ry everywhere
Stormy weather
Just can't get my poorself together,
I'm weary all the time
So weary all the time
When he went away the blues walked in and met me.
If he stays away old rockin' chair will get me.
All I do is pray the Lord above will let me walk in the sun once more.
Can't go on, ev'ry thing I had is gone
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together,
keeps rainin' all the time
---------------------------------------
And lightning shot out of his ass.
Cheers!